[samagard]

Need some advice.
Met my best friend over a year ago. Have kids around same age, quickly became close.
Just recently she told me (after some probing), that two of her other friends said they don't like me and it is either them or me.

Obviously I was pretty distraught by this. I have no contact with them except for big family events, and I am disgusted by their high school bully tactic.

Been told she needs space (from all of us) and work out what she wants to do. Doesn't want to lose me or them.

I am not sure what to do. I would never ever expect a friend of mine to make a choice like that. Sure, I am not particularly fond of these other two friends, but I don't have anything to do with them.

Not only does this affect me, but also my kids. I am not sure what I am supposed to do. Obviously it is her decision, but given one of the friends is also family, I feel like they will just bully her until she gives in. I haven't made close friends for literally 10 years (personal circumstances). If the friendship ended of it's own accord, I wouldn't be so hurt. Feel like I am in high school again :/

This post has been edited by somebody_new: 26/04/2012, 02:09 PM

[Loulla]

They sound like very immature and controlling friends! How bizzare. Good luck with it all OP, what will be will be. And be glad you're not like them!

[erindiv]

Wow. If I was her I certainly wouldn't be choosing the "it's her or us" ones. How childish. If she 'picks' them you're better off without her!

[toosenuf]

I would just back off and let them sort it out.

[bark]

Goodness me sounds very high school.

[lozoodle]

I'd leave it with her, but what a horrible situation. Understandably you'd be really upset by this

I think that is so sh*tty and immature of the other two friends. Who does that!?

If it were me being told that, I'd tell the people making me choose to F off. A real friend doesn't do that.

[doctorseuss]

Why do they not want her to contact you? What's it got to do with them who she sees when she's not with them?

Can you tell us more?

[Amanda_R]

Let her have her space. I'd say to her that you understand it's a horrible position to be put in, that you don't want to make it harder for her and that you truly value her as a friend and as a person. Hopefully if you step back and let her think things over she'll see that you're a friend worth having and not someone who would give ultimatums like the other 'friends' are.

Step back, if she chooses them, then it's her loss. If she chooses you then try and offer her some support as she'd probably be feeling pretty crappy too. Any maybe down the line suggest that you're willing to help her sort out their issues with her if she doesn't want to lose them as friends either. That doesn't mean you become a sap or anything, just show that you don't have an issue with them and that if she wants to be friends with them in the future you are ok with it.

Seriously though, how utterly juvenile of them. If they don't like you, then they don't need to have anything to do with you. Who she chooses to be friends with should be none of their concern.

[samagard]

doctorseuss
Honestly I don't know. They had a problem with how much we hang out and that I make them uncomfortable...when I see them the whole twice a year that I have.

Personally I think it is very different personalities (I don't really drink, don't go out etc), and the fact I was made the maid of honour recently for my best friend.
I did ask yesterday if I was out of the wedding and she said no. I am just really confused. Obviously I can't do anything. Doubt I would get a straight answer from them.

[Peace&Love]

Wow, I'd step back and let her go!