[Mumto1bub]

So one of the biggest hurdles for me as a parent is the perception that I have to keep it together in front of DS, aged 2.5 yrs. I was speaking to my counsellor about the struggle to keep it together and how I try to avoid crying in front of him because i am scared of frightening/scaring/traumatising him. She told me its OK to cry in front of your children (news to me!). She said it can be a lovely thing for children to see that emotion. They then learn that its OK to cry and express sadness/sorrow instead of bottling it up. I was thinking about my childhood, teen years etc. I can't remember seeing my mother cry. I only saw her cry in my twenties when my grandmother died. So to my question! Do you cry in front of your kids? Do you express how you feel? Do you think its acceptable as a parent to show that emotion? What was it like for you growing up and your parents? I'm just curious about others thoughts on this after discussing it today with my counsellor.

[Xiola]

Do you cry in front of your kids? Do you express how you feel? Do you think its acceptable as a parent to show that emotion? What was it like for you growing up and your parents?

For sure. If I feel the need to cry and my kids are around then I cry. It's not that often but I've never felt the need to 'hold it together' and not cry in front of my kids. I think it's totally acceptable for parents to show all emotions in front of kids, it's how they learn.

My parents are a bit crazy...I saw a lot of emotion from them especially when I was very young. There's certain ways I've seen them act that I work very hard on NOT emulating.

[Rachaelxxx]

I don't cry often, but I've certainly cried in front of my kids and they get upset, you can see it in their little faces. I don't think you necesssarily need to hide your emotions from your kids, but I don't think they want to see their mother crying every day if that makes sense.

[adl]

yes definitely, we had a loss recently and DS (20mths) saw me crying on the sofa, came and laid his head on my lap and patted me.... I think it is very natural to display emotions together to help them learn as well...how to express , share etc ,

my parents expressed emotions to us, better out than in!

(wihtin reasonable usual behaviours)

[JustBeige]

Yes absolutely its OK to cry in front of your kids. I think it also depends on why.

I have a friend that is going through cancer treatment. I cry in the shower for her now as it does freak the kids out a little because to them, cancer means either alive or dead. Its too big a medical minefield for me to give them any reassurance regarding her treatment. So as far as they need to know, she is seeing doctors who will help.

If they fight and make me really sad, I cry. If I am watching a movie and it makes me cry, I cry. If am super emotionally happy, I cry. They give me hugs, cuddles and kind words. It allows them to see that not all crying is because of a disaster and you dont need to react to it like it is one.

I believe the actual balance is getting kids to stop crying at every single thing.

My own upbringing was much more 'suck it up and deal with it and shut up crying'. When I was young, I believed that crying was a sign of weakness or being manipulative. I realised as I matured, that I wasnt weak and I wasnt trying to manipulate people if I cried. I was just upset and its just a natural reaction.

I also found that once I was pregnant, I cried more and whilst I dont have the hormones any longer, I do cry easier than I did pre pregnancy and pre kids.

[anon4000]

If it is an everyday occurence, and something surrounding depression I think young children may take it upon themselves that it may be their fault or that they need to 'fix' you - which is a terrible burden for a child. So it would depend on the frequency/reason behind the crying or emotional outburst as to if I did it.

I don't like to see my mum cry or upset even as an adult as I never really know what to say or do. I hate anyone seeing me cry or upset (its rare anyway) so prefer to blubber alone so I can get it out in my own time and work through it myself.

[Belle~Vie]

I'm pregnant so I pretty much cry in front of everyone!

So yes I do cry in front of my kids. I can't remember my parents EVER crying in front of us, but then like many things they did, I'm determined to do differently.

I don't want my kids to think that feeling things is 'wrong'. My parents also weren't very affectionate & still baulk at DH & I showing affection (hugs/kisses/pet names etc.) in front of our kids. I don't see anything wrong with it & I think it can only help them, I don't want them thinking they must repress who they are/what they feel.

My son even comforts me when I get weepy, the last time was me sobbing over Bee Movie (damn pregnancy hormones!), he knows it's not serious & that I will be fine, we reassure him & talk to him about it.

One thing I won't do in front of my kids is fight, THAT I think is detrimental, well that & have sex in front of them but then that's a given.

This post has been edited by Belle~Vie: 18/04/2012, 02:28 PM

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

So to my question! Do you cry in front of your kids? Do you express how you feel? Do you think its acceptable as a parent to show that emotion? What was it like for you growing up and your parents? I'm just curious about others thoughts on this after discussing it today with my counsellor.

Yes, I have cried in front of my children (now 3 & 5). My Dad died when I was pregnant with DD2 and DD1 was 19months old. I cried (and have cried a few times since then). She wanted to know what was making me so sad and I said Poppy was sick, the doctors couldn't make him better and he died. But I missed Poppy and was so sad that I couldn't see him again. I wasn't going to hide it - sadness is just as part of life as joy is. But, if I ever get teary about Poppy, we also talk about the good memories and she can also see how talking about Poppy makes me so happy as well.

I didn't see my parents cry a lot, but I did see them cry. They cried when both my grandmother's died, they cried each time they learnt a friend was diagnosed with cancer or another serious chronic life-threatening condition, they've cried when their friends have died. I've also seen them both cry with joy (notably at their 25th and 40th wedding anniversaries) & at all their kids' weddings, the first time they met their grandkids.

My parents didn't cry at the drop of a hat, but they did (and do) cry for major things, when it becomes too overwhelming to keep it in. Both Mum and Dad, not just Mum.

This post has been edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne: 18/04/2012, 02:36 PM

[2_little_boys]

Children need to be shown how to appropriately handle all of their emotions. Hiding one/some/all of them away and not teaching your child that skill is not helpful to either of you.

^ this.

I saw my dad cry as I grew up and mum very occasionally too. I think its important to know that your parents arent perfect and have feelings too.

[opethmum]

I cry in front of my DD
When my grandma passed away this year, I could not hide it and she gave me the warmest hugs and patted me on the back and that was awesome. Not only at such a young age does she know what sadness is but she can do something about it like give someone a hug to feel better and that is powerful.

This post has been edited by opethmum: 18/04/2012, 02:44 PM