[wacks]

My daughter is 6 and in grade 1. And this year we have noticed a drop in her self confidence. Examples of this are an unwillingness to tell us about ...anything! Far too often we hear the answer to our questions as "not telling" or 'I don't want to say". We are very aware of the need to keep open communication lines with the whole family and we have lots of downtime together, and opportunity for everyone to say what's on their minds. Hence, this "don't want to tell you" is driving us bonkers!!
She went to a montessori preschool (she was very empowered, independent, etc), and now a regular govt primary school (smallish, nurturing, country school).
She has also said "I'm just no good at maths" which firstly is not true, and a phrase like that is just not part of the way we speak at home. Obviously she has many influences at school, but it bothers me that she might actually beleive that she is not good at it about herself perhaps because she heard another child at school say it.
She has also been using alot of babytalk lately, and every question she asks seems to have a pityful whimper attached.

She's not an extroverted child but I would have said she definitely had a quiet confidence about her, and the way she went about things, but I'm struggling to see that at the moment

So have you experienced anything similar at this age, and as per the title why would this be? and what can I do to help her??

[Rach42]

I did see a drop in confidence in both my DSs (8 and 6) when they first started school - it's a big change for them. Especially DS1 who seemed to think he should already know everything they were learning DS2 is in grade 1 and went to prep last year at the same school - he still had a bit of a drop in confidence at the beginning of this term but picked up again pretty quickly.

So I'd say it's most likely just starting a new school and a new method of learning. She may just need time to adjust. I think if you just keep on reassuring her that she is good at x, y, z and she is doing well her confidence will come back. With my DSs if they say something like "I'm no good at ..." I ask them why they said that and work through their answer. Sometimes it's because someone else is better than them - I explain there's always going to be people better at somethings and worse at somethings than they are and they don't need to compare themselves to others. Other times it's because they are struggling with something in which case I can help them.

Also maybe talk to her teacher and see how she is finding the school day and fitting in?

[wacks]

Thank you Rach42, yes, I hope it's just an adjustment thing. I spoke to her teacher several time late last term about other things and she thinks Dd is doing just fine. A little on the quiet side, but readily volunteers answers to questions and popular in the class.
She hasn't made a real bestie yet, in prep or Gr1 and it didn't bother me in the slightest last year; I was happy that she was friends with everyone and could socialise widely. I am starting to wonder now if she might struggle a bit (silently) in the playground.

I guess we'll just keep watching and talking and hope that she bounces back soon.

[-*meh*-]

i'm not telling, nothing, can't remember and many others like it are most of my DS1 (7yrs) vocab for the last year or two...

he was never an overly confident child but it dropped off quite a bit when he started school.

[lottie9]

My DD6 went through a bit of this at the beginning of this year, but she is bouncing back.

I think that part of the issue is that she is starting to be more aware of other children/ compare herself to others, as well as the higher expectations of social independence after Prep (less teacher monitoring of how children interact, kids more left to sort things out themselves). I think the 'not telling' is part of this being between two worlds of school and family, as well as trouble putting things into words.

We tried to give her some extra one on one time with us, and some playdates with other kids (one child at a time) to help her feel more confident. I found that once she was a bit more relaxed we started to hear more about what was going on. I also have tried to find out more specifically what they are doing and ask 'what was fun in PE today?' rather than 'how was your day'.

But it is heartbreaking when you get that blank look..