[anon1071]

Just had a discussion with a friend today about this topic.

He's very traditional and insists on paying for coffees and meals etc.

My partner doesn't do this. I don't expect him to pay for everything but i think a woman likes to be lavished every now and then, bought the occasional drink, coffee, whatever.
My partner likes to take it in turns to pay which is ok but something inside me wishes he would be a bit more generous sometimes and not so tit for tat.

When i first started seeing him if the total bill came to $40 he would go to his wallet and take out $20. My head tells me '' why should he have to pay for you too'' but another part of me is a bit annoyed!!

Just interested to know what your expectations are/were in relation to this.

[Chief Pancake Ma...]

When I first started seeing now DH he was not working full time and I was and he would refuse to let me pay for anything (even though it meant he would have to scrimp for the next week). I actually had to sit him down and tell him he had to let me pay for stuff.

we are now married and as he likes to joke "the wooing is over"

The ex used to insist on going halvsies even in the first month we were seeing each other - I sould have taken it as a sign.

[B-B-M]

I certainly never expected it, i was always more than happy to pay my share/take turns paying etc.

However in all the time i dated, i don't think i ever paid for anything. The men i dated insisted on paying everything, every time. Sometimes THAT would annoy me "I have a job! I have money! I'm capable of paying too!!"

[blackcat20]

When I've only gone on one or two dates with a guy, I've let them pay (usually only for coffee). With the current boy, he paid for coffee and our first meal out, but I paid for the next one. I don't want him to think I'm cheap cos I really like him!

[anon1071]

I guess the other part of my question is...Is it unfair on the man for a woman to want to be wooed and bit?

[cinnabubble]

Is it sexist of the woman to equate wooing with being given stuff?

[NoMoreGuilt]

I presume by 'partner', he's someone you're in a serious, long term relationship with.
If thats the case, I would hate to be a relationship where everything had to be calculated and split in half. Like you said I wouldn't expect my partner to pay for everything, and when we were living together we split the major expenses such as rent and bills. However when we were out for dinner or drinks he would pay for it alot of the time. You're right, its just something that women like.
My partner is now my husband and we share all finances now so don't have that problem anymore! It does't matter who pays as it all comes from the same accounts anyway

[Chedasha]

I think it is okay to go half. But if they are real pedantic about it, it would be annoying. I would think a more sometimes you pay both coffees and sometimes they do. Not keeping an account of every cent and halving it.

[Holidayromp]

I get embarrassed when everything is gets paid for. On the other hand I get stabby when I have to pay for EVERYTHING - an old ex was like this. He got paid very little and what he got paid he did not manage very well but managed to buy himself the items he wanted like booze and drugs but he NEVER contributed and I had to pay for his share (when we went to group events) on top of my own. The relationship never lasted he was too selfish in more ways than one....and he thought he loved me...blurrgh!

[Dinosaurus]

I think everyone likes to be wooed a little bit but some people (that may or may not have certain gender characteristics) like to have things lavished on them and some like to do the lavishing. Of course there may also be an expectation that comes from all that lavishing, do a lot of men do a lot of lavishing for the pleasure of your (fully clothed) company? Or after a while does the pressure become greater to gve something in return?

It's been a while but I remember dating in my early 20's going something like that when they paid and being much more equitable when they didn't pay (or we went halves). My current DH we went halves first time at my insistence, he paid the next one, I surprised him with some tickets so I paid and then it went mostly like that until it got serious and he paid for everything as I saved up to move interstate to be with him. Luckily it turned out to be an awesome move

Anyway...No, I don't expect to be lavished with money but I do like being lavished with time. I still like being lavished with time but nowadays it seems to be more "I'll take the kids out so you can have a bath" lavishing