[Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*]

How do you do it? What do you do?

Vague enough question for you, lol?

Here's why I'm asking - my family consists of me and 3 kids ranging from 8 - 16. Every "school night" I get home from work, make dinner, supervise youngest with homework, push older ones in the general direction of the shower and then we all kind of do our own thing. Eldest teen tends to lurk on his laptop chatting with friends, younger 2 often playing computer games, reading a book, annoying the cat or watching TV and me doing whatever it is I'm doing, which might be chatting on here, dealing with laundry or hiding under my doona watching sci fi.

On the weekends (which I only have part of with the older 2) the older kids always have plans with their friends, which is great, and I try and do something with the youngest, but it just feels like we never do anything much with all 4 of us together. I think the main reason is that I simply can't think of one single thing we'd all enjoy, lol! 16 year old boys and 8 year old girls don't have *that* much in common. I love things like going to the park or the beach, or driving out to the bush or something, but none of them are interested.

They just want to hang out with their friends, and how can I blame them? That's what I wanted to do at their age as well! I just feel sometimes that we're missing out on the old chestnut of "quality time" as a family.

Does anyone else share this concern? Especially those of you with quite a large age gap between kids. I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts. Perhaps there's no problem at all - everyone seems happy enough, I just feel a bit, well, I have NFI - just a smidgen concerned.

[niknok]

I have DS16, DS13, DD9 and DD4 and we all love the beach or getting on the train and going into the city and walking around , doing something cheap like the park and a footy or basketball...

[~Nodnol~]

Can you make one night a week dinner and game night? All eat dinner together, talk about your week etc and then play boardgames? Everyone gets a turn picking a game and dinner is non negotiable. That way the older kids can't make excuses lol.

[Guest_NinjahAlpaca_*]

Can you make one night a week dinner and game night? All eat dinner together, talk about your week etc and then play boardgames?

That's a good idea. We used to do that a fair amount, actually. Then they stopped letting me the banker in Monopololy....

[mum201]

Do you guys all sit down together at dinner every night and just talk? I think that's the most important thing with a 16 year old DS. Just to know where they are up to with school, homework, friends etc

I like the game night idea - great one.

Sport? Either play or visit sporting events. Or if say the older one plays soccer on Saturday morning, the younger one be their support crew.

It's great the older ones have friends to hang with but family stuff is important.

How about each weekend, each kid takes turns in picking something to do.

[BadKitteh]

I agree with the others that think dinner together & a games night is a good idea.
What about tenpin bowling occasionally or movies & a coffee shop afterwards to chat? I would have liked those things at your kids ages but I've no idea really what teen boys are into.
Also, your sig really freaks me out for some reason. When I first saw it the other day the resemblance was eerie & I don't mean that in a good way.

[SarahM72]

I'm a single mum too, with teenagers and little kids, so a large age gap between the youngest and the oldest.

The stuff we do toegether as a family is eat dinner together every night, and no tv. We all sit down together and talk and eat.

Sometimes we all walk to school together, and the teenagers continue on to the high school by themselves. But this gives us another opportunity to talk together.

Other stuff we do together is play board games. Sometimes the little ones will do their own thing at the end of the table, with one of the older kids helping, while the older ones and I play something a little more difficult, or play a card game or something.

We go for walks together in the bush, or go to the park together. The older ones love to play with the younger ones. When we go to the bush we discuss the names of the plants and things like the history of the place. They find it quite interesting. If you personally don't know the history, take along someone who does, or find out from your local council.

We tell stories, and discuss current affairs and the news. Except for the little ones (who can't talk much) everyone has an excellent opinion which I like to hear.

We also discuss homework, and opinions about the books they are reading. Discuss essay topics and the like.

Alot of my kids like sewing, so we may do this together, or at least plan things together as a family, as the older ones often like to make stuff for the younger ones.

Sometimes we garden (but not often!)

Holidays, we only go camping as we obviously can't do much else, with limited funds of being single parent, plus having a larger family. But all the kids love camping, and it is fun for all ages.

We also do a lot of cultural stuff specific to us. We go to lots of community events and visit lots of people together. The kids love this alot. Even if you think you don't have your own culture, I'm sure you do! Think about stuff you can do that is important to your culture. I'm sure there is alot of things. Discuss the history of the things with your kids. I'm sure they will love it. Kids seem to love learning about their history and their roots.

The kids also like to sing songs together and tell each other stories, which sounds a bit stupid maybe, but they do enjoy it.

Obviously the older kids in particular do love to spend time with their friends. I don't have a problem with that. Lately the oldest ones have been spending every friday night at a friend's house, and I do understand they want to have a break from everyone else, so I encourage them to do so.

You will also notice that all the stuff I do is free (or for camping also free if in a national park). Lots of great stuff to do together as a family doesn't cost much.

This post has been edited by SarahM72: 17/04/2012, 11:38 PM

[Ianthe]

I have noticed this happening more here too-eldest 15, youngest 3 and 3 in between. The four younger kids are usually happy to hang out with me but the 15yo wants to be on the computer. Also a single mum.

I have actually started to plan the idea of an old fashioned Sabbath based on a Christian book I recently read. I want to have a day unplugged from all technology just to show my kids what it is like. Weather depending we may do a DVD. I am not sure how it will go. There's a chance by 8am I will be yelling at them to just get on their computers

I am planning on getting everything done on Saturday and start at dinner Saturday night, then play a board game, early night for all, Sunday morning we have church, then we may stop at the park, more boardgames or reading maybe a walk or a DVD then by around 3pm get ready for the week ahead. And just time to talk instead of answering their questions on the go.

My eldest learned how to play poker recently so he has taught the other kids to play and that is a big favourite so that will help kick it off. I am not sure that gambling with poker is entirely in keeping with the sentiment of the Sabbath but whatever works

[Ianthe]

That's a good idea. We used to do that a fair amount, actually. Then they stopped letting me the banker in Monopololy....

Well you're only human. Those bastards.

I think for me I want to focus on their relationships with each other as much as the actual activites. Does that make sense? I want their relationships with each other to be better and that can only happen with time.

[JRA]

I am not a single mum, but to me as a child, and now as a parent, one of the most important family times we have is over dinner each night. We sat/sit and talked about the things of the day, what was happening tomorrow, and well everything else.