[Tesseract]

It's actually all about him, IMO.

It sounds like he is, underneath it all, a good person, but he has a massive inferiority complex. That's why he needs to criticize everyone, and that is why he continues to date people he doesn't like. Because at least then he is dating somebody, which in his eyes makes him a worthy human being. He clearly can't stand to be single and needs to put everyone down - classic self esteem issues.

The fact that he talks about hating fat bodies in front of you is so wrong. But I honestly think he doesn't understand that this would be insulting to you. And when you called him out on it he probably just clammed up and got defensive and said "don't take it personally!". Because in his view, deluded and self absorbed as it is, it isn't about you at all.

I have a friend who was so obsessed with being fat (she is a size 6-8) that she would go on and on about how fat she was, to me (size 14-16) and another friend of ours (size 18-20). We would sit there gobsmacked, but she honestly had no idea, she was so self obsessed she didn't see us at all.

If I were you I would give it a bit, then catch up with him and lay down the law. I would say something like "When you fat bash I actually find it really insulting, I don't want to hear that crap, and I don't want my son exposed to it. So don't do it in front of me."

He might get defensive again but will probably come around. He might eventually understand, or he might just chalk it up to you being sensitive, but hopefully he will respect your request nonetheless.

It sounds like you guys have a special friendship, I wouldn't want to end it over his self esteem issues, but I wouldn't want to put up with that talk either.

[Tecopa]

Thanks for that Tesseract - your post made a lot of sense. I'm liking hearing the other opinions too. I'm due to see him Sunday and glad I've got a few days to think about it all. Although is Facebook now says "Pash Rash" so I think he may be following the whole make out with him thing even though he doesn't want more ...Ack.

[MagsJee]

I know you say you value his relationship with your son but is that the role you want for your boy? Someone who thinks looks are more important than personality, someone who would willingly play with another person emotions and not care what damage could be cause, someone who claims to care about you but continually does and says things to hurt you?

Those are not the lessons I want my children learning.

He doesn't sound like a very good friend or role model at all.

I'd be worried whether his affection for your son fell into that category as well, and that hurting your child (emotionally) wouldn't even register. I imagine you think that your friend would never do that, but you probably didn't think he'd lead someone on in that manner either.

[Tecopa]

Good point and I guess I've been too worried to acknowledge I've seen a few signs that it might be that his affection for my kid is kinda of about how it reflects on him and makes him feel than actually what my son might need. He went through a withdrawn, sulky stage a while ago and didn't see my son who was missing him and when I asked about it he said, that he was sad and didn't want to be around my son sad, and was a little taken back when I said, the kid doesn't really care, all he knows is you aren't around anymore and doesn't understand.

[JustBeige]

Tecopa, look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think your friend is showing some classic markers for it and its not just being shallow and self absorbed. (I hope I am wrong though).

I would honestly put some distance between yourselves at the moment. You need to be thinking about your son and whether this relationship is actually a positive one for him or not