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> Choosing to have a child even though I'm single, (calm and thoughtful comments appreciated)

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MaybeMumSoonish
post 11/04/2012, 06:12 PM
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*   Posts: 40   Joined: 1-May 10     
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I've been thinking about asking this question of EBer's for a while. (It's a touchy issue, so please don't arc up too much.)

Background:

When i first joined EB, I was young(er), had a gorgeous partner, and looking forward to buying a house, having kids, making a life and a home, the whole she-bang.

Fast forward a few years and my partner suddenly blurts out that he doesn't want kids. Although I would have given up the notion of kids to be with him, if that's what he really wanted, the suddenness of his change of heart (no discussion, no warning) and several other issues that rapidly cropped up (also no discussion, no warning) eventually destroyed the relationship. And almost took me with it (I tried to do 'something silly' as my mum would say).

Now it's been a year (and 16 days. Not that I'm counting). I'm over my grief at the loss of him and the relationship. I've even dated a little bit.

But I'm really introverted and unlikely to meet anyone I would love and trust again (it was a bit of a fluke the first time around), enough to have kids with anyway. But I go gooey every time I see a baby, I dote on my brother's kids, and I'm really conscious of that ticking clock (30 next birthday!). I have a good job, no debt, a family who would help, but I also have no assets to speak of, no support beyond my immediate relatives, and while I'm not likely to do 'something silly' again, my depression is for life. (Runs in the family, I've been diagnosed since a teenager.)

So the big question is:


Should I get pregnant and have a kid? By myself? Willingly choose single-motherhood?

Or resign myself to being childless forever?

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Pupalumps
post 11/04/2012, 08:30 PM
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I think you should think about several things and put together a plan for the next few years. Work hard, save hard.
If you are still single in a few years and still want to become a mum you will need to think about donor sperm. Do you know anyone that would be prepared to help you? If not you can buy sperm from OS, but it will limit dramatically which clinics will be prepared to treat you.
There's a specialist group with forum for single mothers by choice. They would be good for supplying you with a lot of info:
http://www.smcaustralia.org/
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Posts in this topic
- MaybeMumSoonish   Choosing to have a child even though I'm single   11/04/2012, 06:12 PM
- - cinnabubble   I think your dichotomy is artificial. Childfree ...   11/04/2012, 06:16 PM
- - 2handsdon'tspillit   I think you're still too young to consider tha...   11/04/2012, 06:18 PM
- - *Lena*   I would many mothers are single parents and do a g...   11/04/2012, 06:20 PM
- - howdo   You're 30. Hardly over the hill and hardly sin...   11/04/2012, 06:21 PM
- - futureself   QUOTE (MaybeMumSoonish @ 11/04/2012, 06:1...   11/04/2012, 06:22 PM
|- - MummaDiva   QUOTE (futureself @ 11/04/2012, 06:22 PM)...   11/04/2012, 10:30 PM
- - ange_75   I understand the "going gooey" over babi...   11/04/2012, 06:22 PM
- - owlingaround   Is it a possibility to put some eggs aside for jus...   11/04/2012, 06:24 PM
- - ali27   According to statistics, most women today are yet ...   11/04/2012, 06:25 PM
- - BubbleWitch   It's a very personal decision. I personally co...   11/04/2012, 06:28 PM
- - Polly Esther   Having a baby is effing hard, and there's no w...   11/04/2012, 06:29 PM
- - lsolaBella   QUOTE My point is, as PPs have said, just because ...   11/04/2012, 06:30 PM
- - bakesgirls   I think you are the only person who can answer tha...   11/04/2012, 06:34 PM
- - Quartz   QUOTE Having a baby is effing hard, and there...   11/04/2012, 06:34 PM
- - follies   Are you asking as you want a child now or because ...   11/04/2012, 06:35 PM
- - ~Panda~   If it were me, I'd wait a few more years. But ...   11/04/2012, 06:45 PM
- - 123tree   QUOTE (bakesgirls @ 11/04/2012, 06:34 PM)...   11/04/2012, 06:52 PM
- - Kay1   I think you are too young and too freshly out of a...   11/04/2012, 06:58 PM
- - ~Lexie~   When I was younger my best friend and I made a pac...   11/04/2012, 06:59 PM
- - MaybeMumSoonish   Some great posts, thank you ladies all. Pls keep e...   11/04/2012, 07:01 PM
- - podg   I'm very introverted and was single (with mayb...   11/04/2012, 07:02 PM
- - Balto1   I kind of understand where you are coming from wit...   11/04/2012, 07:09 PM
- - trishalishous   i would ask myself again in 5yrs. in the meantime ...   11/04/2012, 07:10 PM
- - Angelina Ballerina   Give yourself a few more years. A lot can change...   11/04/2012, 07:12 PM
- - BetteBoop   I met my DH at 30 and had a baby with him at 35. M...   11/04/2012, 07:14 PM
- - indigo~   Hi OP, I am 40 and currently 12w pregnant, the re...   11/04/2012, 07:23 PM
- - la di dah   Honestly, I wouldn't wait a few years to at le...   11/04/2012, 07:28 PM
- - bubaburns   You were me 5 years ago. I was married when i was ...   11/04/2012, 07:54 PM
- - Jellyblush   You were me just over a year ago. I was with my ex...   11/04/2012, 08:08 PM
- - **Mel**   At 30 (and single) I thought about it and decided ...   11/04/2012, 08:41 PM
- - firocali   PPs have all given such great advice. I like many ...   11/04/2012, 08:53 PM
- - kim27   I totally understand where you're coming from ...   11/04/2012, 08:55 PM
- - MadameCatty   At 30, I would take a wait and see approach.   11/04/2012, 08:56 PM
- - libbylu   Wait til you are 35 and reassess. Spend that time...   11/04/2012, 09:00 PM
- - tres-chic   Agree with PPs. Wait 5 years, 8 years (even ten) a...   11/04/2012, 09:02 PM
- - LittleMissPink   If you are seriously considering having a baby on ...   11/04/2012, 09:08 PM
- - Freddie'sMum   I'm another one saying to take your time. I k...   11/04/2012, 09:16 PM
- - Daisy Chain   When I was 30, I was single, hadn't dated for ...   11/04/2012, 09:17 PM
- - new~mum~reenie   I think there is no right or wrong answer here, ju...   11/04/2012, 09:24 PM
- - LittleMissPink   I have been both a single parent through divorce, ...   11/04/2012, 09:28 PM
- - Honeymummy   OP, Is there any chance you are looking for happin...   11/04/2012, 09:35 PM
- - ~Delilah~   If I were you, I would wait another 12-18 months t...   11/04/2012, 09:40 PM
- - Tesseract   OP I don't think there is anything wrong with ...   11/04/2012, 09:49 PM
- - soapy   Not even 30 yet? I would wait.   11/04/2012, 09:54 PM
- - bailee   I stopped reading replies after the 5th "you...   11/04/2012, 10:05 PM
- - Mrs_BG   I think there is nothing wrong with you planning a...   11/04/2012, 10:17 PM
- - *CalamityJane*   I don't necessarily think you're too young...   11/04/2012, 10:45 PM
- - JRA   You are not even 30. Far from old and childless. I...   11/04/2012, 11:26 PM
- - kittennic   I don't agree with the "you're only 3...   11/04/2012, 11:33 PM
- - mmk   I seriously considered doing this in my 20's. ...   11/04/2012, 11:34 PM
- - Jemstar   I think you should think about it for at least a y...   11/04/2012, 11:43 PM
- - Maple Leaf   I would freeze some eggs and revisit the issue in ...   12/04/2012, 07:35 AM
- - salnic   If you were 40 I guess it might be worth consideri...   12/04/2012, 07:48 AM
- - globalgirl   The only thing I would add to this discussion is t...   12/04/2012, 08:19 AM
- - MaybeMumSoonish   Thank you everyone for your views. It's a hard...   12/04/2012, 10:55 AM
- - indigo~   Excellent advice about the AMH blood test to check...   12/04/2012, 11:04 AM
- - Charlies Angel   No assets? I would spend the next 5 years buildin...   12/04/2012, 11:08 AM
- - steppy   I don't think there is any problem with having...   16/04/2012, 05:43 PM
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