[sarah2045]

I honestly don't know where to start although I know I can't talk to anyone in real life as I just don't think they get it. Lately, maybe it peaked on becoming pregnant with my second I just don't feel like I am coping properly being a mum. Probably a wife too. I run my own business and find the working at home with looking after DS very hard. I constantly feel guilty that I am leaving him to his devices for part of the day and always look forward to the two days he is in daycare so I can have some piece and quiet and get things done without being interrupted.

We are tight with money and I have us on a strict savings plan because it is my fear in life to 'never get ahead' I stress and worry about every cent being spent that it is another cent being taking away from meeting my strict goals. I have a steady work flow coming in but on the times it quietens down I am slightly panicking that we are going backwards and our hard work is going to absorb. (As was done in the past when DP was made redundant, we lost all savings and had to start over again)

I probably don't put much into my relationship with DP as I just feel so drained and mentally exhausted from all these tiny things swirling around in my head. I suffer from anxiety and it is probably quiet high at the moment. I told the midwife at my booking in appointment but she didn't seem very interested and then just moved on to the next topic.

I try my hardest to be a good mum and DS is a good kid and a typical 2.5 year old. Not bad by any stretch yet I find myself loosing my temper quick and not having any compassion if he is chucking a tantrum. I am scared that if I feel like this already how on earth am I going to cope when I have this next baby due in 2 months

I am going to stop now as I am so scared to post this as it probably makes me look like the worst person in the world. I am so disappointed in myself that I can't handle this and feel there are so many worse of people with 'real' problems.

This post has been edited by sarah2045: 10/04/2012, 04:46 PM

[roses99]

OP, you're not failing. You're just overwhelmed with the competing interests in your life at the moment.

Like PPs have suggested, I'd go first to the GP. Just in case you're depressed. If I were you, I'd even see if I could get a referral to a psychologist on a mental health plan (six cheap sessions). Find a good psych who also specialises in life coaching. They'll help you get back on track and also help you with positive self-talk and helping you to overcome those feelings of defeatism.

Aside from that - as a mum who also works from home a lot of the time - I would start to plan your time as well as you plan your money. Schedule actual time that you spend with your DS. Maybe you could check emails first thing (even before he gets up maybe?), then switch off to work and deliberately play with him. Go for a walk to the park, play in the backyard. Just spend time with him.

That way, you don't feel guilty when, later in the day, you need to spend some time working. Also, get him engaged when you're doing everyday stuff like washing and cleaning. He'll just think that's more playing time with Mum! It'll take you longer, but you'll be engaged.

Also, sit down with your partner and explain how you're feeling. Try to set aside some time together. Ask for help if you need it. Perhaps he could put your DS to bed each night, so that you can knock over another hour or two of work.

And finally, try to loosen the reigns when it comes to money. Yes, it's good to have savings and to get ahead. But money shouldn't rule you, either.