[EBmel]

We've just posted Chrissie Swan's latest article onto EB...
http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/life-style...0410-1wm56.html

I actually used to be a really top-notch friend. Ten years ago, BC (before children), my ground-floor apartment in a groovy inner city cul-de-sac was home to great parties, generous home-cooked feeds and smoky all-night gabfests ... These days I'm lucky to tap out a text once a week. And I'm actually okay with that.

I mean, sure, I miss the no-holds-barred fun I used to have with my old friends. But the fact is, the person I was 10 years ago would have nothing in common with the person I am today, and the same probably applies to those friends who have moved on from me for more interesting pastures. The 28-year-old Chrissie would be bored stiff with my current chatter about variable interest rates and Leo calling his little Casio piano keyboard his "punano". I'm bored just thinking about it.

What do you think? Has becoming a parent meant that a few old friends have drifted away - and are you happy with that?

This post has been edited by EBmel: 10/04/2012, 02:07 PM

Reason for edit: Edited title - thanks to Bel Rowley for pointing out the mistake!

[Oriental lily]

Yes.

But I think it takes effort to keep relationships going. Sometimes the effort just seems massive when your dealing with sleepless nights and small children.

We tend to socialse with a smaller group of friends and family that live to the same beat of the same drum.

So friends that also hav the restraints of kids.

I think friendship groups evolve over time. It's just something that happens as you move in to a different stage of life.

I do miss some friends though,but we are just different people now.

[EBeditor]

Yes and no.. I have lost contact with lots of people (except on facebook) but have also made new friends through my kids.

I found I was able to keep up my BC friendships with 1 child, but two children, moving away from the inner city, extended breastfeeding... I simply wasn't able to maintain some friendships properly, and yes that makes me sad.

With my 'lifelong' friends we can maintain our friendship even if we only speak a few times a year.

[rjflc69]

Yes and no.. I have lost contact with lots of people (except on facebook) but have also made new friends through my kids.

I found I was able to keep up my BC friendships with 1 child, but two children, moving away from the inner city, extended breastfeeding... I simply wasn't able to maintain some friendships properly, and yes that makes me sad.

With my 'lifelong' friends we can maintain our friendship even if we only speak a few times a year.

I have to say I feel the same as Amber excluding living in the inner city.

Friendship is not always easy and takes commitment.

Fiona

[Steggles]

I think I have more, and they are better quality. But I got married young and was ready for a different stage of life to my friends living the young single life - never was a party animal

[fruitbat72]

Absolutely

I realised only yesterday that my oldest friend (as in known her for nearly 40 years) and I hadn't seen each other since her father's funeral in November and had sent the last texts in Feb when our kids started kindy. So I sent a text and we are getting together next week.

This woman knows me probably better than myself and yet nearly 6 months can go by and we will not speak to each other unless via text or a brief phone call. I feel especially bad as I knew her family well and feel I didn't provide enough support after her dad's passing.

I think we get so caught up in managing the here and now that we forget our friends. I am lucky that the few close friends I have tend to forgive me for being less than vigilant as they are in the same boat as me (career, young kids, study, marriages). My NY resolution was to be more sociable so I am working on that. I find it hard to make friends so I need to nurture the ones I have.

[50ftqueenie]

I've always been the kind of person that has a small group of friends, so while I would say that being a parent hasn't seen the numbers dwindle I definitely don't see as much of my friends as I did before children.

It's just harder to find the time. Before children we would be out on the weekends for dinner or long lunches. Now we might catch up, but it's often with our partners and children as well. In my 20s my friends were my chosen family, now I have a new family. My friends are still there, and we all try to make the effort to see each other without our children around so that we can have long uninteruppted conversations. we also enjoy seeing our children play together so I guess our friendship is just evolving.

I did laugh at Chrissie's acknowledgement that the person she was 10 years ago would be bored with the person she is now. My 28yo self would NOT enjoy a weekend in my 38yo (sensible, flat) shoes.

[**Xena**]

I don't have anything in common with it. Not only have I not lost any friends despite still being one of the only ones in my friendship groups to have kids, but I have made a lot more friends since having kids and still only a handful of those have kids.

I am a mother but I have many interests outside my own children and I value what other people bring to my life. I treat people like they are worth the effort to stay in touch with because to me they are. Likewise I am also treated that way in return.

[Bel Rowley]

Seeing it's a mod-started thread I can't help being pedantic - title should read "Do you have fewer friends now?", not less.

In answer to the question, no, if anything I have more friends than I did pre-children, but they are different friends. It's been surprising to see how some friendships have cooled while others have developed. Most of my friends pre-kids were those I made at the residential college I lived at during my first two years of university, now probably my closest friend of that group is one I barely had anything to do with previously, but after both having our first child within a week of each other we've become close and I see her way more frequently than any of the others.

I like my life and my friends now. I do miss some things about the old days, but I suspect my 23 year old self would be bored with my 33 year old self regardless of whether or not I had kids. I've changed in many ways apart from becoming a mother.

[Lethe]

All of my friends had children before me, yet since bubs came along, I think one, maybe two have made contact or wanted to catch up. It's weird, I assumed we would have more points of contact but I assume everyone is bogged own with life and children stuff of their own. I realized after having a child that I was the one doing most of the work and now working full time and raising a child who has had health and development issues, I'm not able to maintain that. It has been a bit saddening, I have had an extended bout of depression post baby, bubs is 20 months and it still lingers, and it would have been nice to get a bit of support.