[Pompol]

I've had ongoing issues with DS daycare room leader. They all relate to his independence - she wanted him to give up his comfort item (which we have now done, because he was ready - not because of her). Now she insists he should be able to put his own shoes on, dress himself, etc. He can't yet, but we're working on it.

The last time we had an issue with this, which was only a few weeks ago, it was about his shoes. She told us that by his age (2 1/2) he should be able to put his own shoes and socks on, and that all of the other children could do it, that he's not "where he should be". She said this in front of him.

I told her that I didn't care if he could put his own shoes on yet, that we weren't concerned about it and I only wanted him to be encouraged to try, not made to feel bad if he failed. We also had words about her telling us how to parent, as she immediately came back with "well you need to practice more at home". I was frazzled after a big day at work and was quite sharp with her. She got very teary but insisted that she was only trying to help and would encourage him but not "punish" him if he failed. DH wanted me to go to the director but I had spoken to the room leader directly so we agreed to leave it at that.

The more we have worked on shoes the last few weeks, the more resistant he has become - to the point where even if its something fun we're putting shoes on for, like the park - he still chucks a wobbly over being asked to try himself.

When I picked him up on Thursday, she was in the room visiting with easter eggs after being on leave all week. When we got home, DS told me that "xxx is cross and says "put your shoes on, DS will go to babies room". I don't want to go to babies room, I'm a big boy."

I have been stewing on this all weekend. DS is a very vocal 2 1/2 year old and he doesn't know how to lie yet. I trust that at some point, she has told him if he can't put his own shoes on, he'll be going back to the babies room.

What I'm not confident of is the timing - obviously she was away last week except for the visit so I'm assuming it wasn't Thursday. With DS having the typical two year old memory it could have been any time in the last few months and if it made him feel particularly strongly (which I'm assuming it did!) he would remember it.

I don't know if I'm overreacting. I am angry because I feel like its shaming him for his failure to put his own shoes on, and I specifically told her not to do that. But even if it was before our little chat, is this ok to say to a 2 year old??

What would you do? Should I try talking to her again or is it beyond this now, do I go to the director?

ETA I have been accused of being over protective recently and want to make sure I'm not getting worked up over nothing


TIA

This post has been edited by LilMissTypesALot: 10/04/2012, 12:35 PM

[LittleMissPink]

I would be taking it to the director! I agree, encourage him to try, but if he doesnt want to or cant, then keep doing it for him. He's only 2!

She sounds rude and mean, I'd tell her to get stuffed!

[bark]

She sounds lazy!

My DS def. needs help to put shoes/socks on!

[White-Lily]

Personally I would go to the Director and mention something. He is 2.5 years old. My 3 year old still needs help to put her shoes and socks on and has a comfort item which no one has ever said she should give up.

Perhaps the room leader should encourage your DS more rather than put him down. Kids learn in their own time and pushing him to do something he isnt ready for yet isnt going to make him want to try and learn it.

Also perhaps try getting him some easy shoes to get on and off. DD has wellington boots which she can do herself. Maybe something like that will help him try?

[cheekymonkey]

Wow. Not every child develops at the same rate. It also depends what shoes/socks they have as to whether or not they can do it themselves. eg DD can put her own crocs/thongs/sandles on but still needs a little help with sneakers, DS#3 still asks me for help with all his shoes if he needs socks (he has hypersensitive feet so if they aren't *just so* they feel unbearable to him) and DS#1 still needs help getting his football socks and boots on (he also has hypersensitive feet and will still have a hissyfit if he can't get his shoes comfortable, though he can do them himself).

NONE of my children were able to put their shoes and socks on 100% of the time at your sons age. She's being OTT and, yes, her comment, regardless of when it was said, was inappropriate. Bellittling children who are unable to complete a task does not make them more likely to want to achieve it. It just makes them despondant about their ability, and creates an issue where one shouldn't exist.

[FloralArrangemen...]

You need to make a complaint, what she is asking of your son is not reasonable. This person needs to do her job. Does she have children of her own? My son is nearly 4 and cannot put his shoes on without assistance (he is on the cerebral spectrum mainly affecting his legs) He is in the kindy room at cc and he is nurtured and looked after as he should be. My 3 year old daughter can put her shoes on herself. We have 5 kids they have achieved these type of goals at different stages yet they have achieved them. I think expectations of children all "fitting an idealistic mold" is wrong.

This person sounds like she is in the wrong job, her requests would be more relevant in junior primary in my opinion. Recption/yr 1.

[Oriental lily]

That's all sorts of wrong.

I out be going to the director. Especially about shaming him by threatening him to go to the babies room.

I would see red over that.

Nope op, not overprotective!!

[CallMeProtart]

my cousin was impressed the other day that DD (3yo) was putting her shoes on, because his 5yo wouldn't!

She's being OTT, it's daycare not school, and putting on shoes is not a developmental milestone.

TBH I'm extremely impressed by your son's speech - mine is just over 2 and can't put his shoes on OR convey that somebody told him something like that - now I'm wondering if mine is behind on speech!!!

[vitaechel]

Our DS has a comfort Teddy for nap times and cannot put his shoes and socks on. He is also 2.5. It has never been brought up as an issue at daycare. We are still working on talking and toilet training. He will happily grab his boots and try to get them on and he "helps" with dressing, but I don't want to make a big deal over it (he lets me know when he is ready for things). I would be upset by the carer's attitudes as well and make a complaint to director.

[PinkSocks]

My DD has been putting her shoes and socks on since about that age, but if she couldnt or didnt want to there is no way id be letting someone belittle her. I would be going to the director. Your poor little boy thats so sad