I've had ongoing issues with DS daycare room leader. They all relate to his independence - she wanted him to give up his comfort item (which we have now done, because he was ready - not because of her). Now she insists he should be able to put his own shoes on, dress himself, etc. He can't yet, but we're working on it.
The last time we had an issue with this, which was only a few weeks ago, it was about his shoes. She told us that by his age (2 1/2) he should be able to put his own shoes and socks on, and that all of the other children could do it, that he's not "where he should be". She said this in front of him.
I told her that I didn't care if he could put his own shoes on yet, that we weren't concerned about it and I only wanted him to be encouraged to try, not made to feel bad if he failed. We also had words about her telling us how to parent, as she immediately came back with "well you need to practice more at home". I was frazzled after a big day at work and was quite sharp with her. She got very teary but insisted that she was only trying to help and would encourage him but not "punish" him if he failed. DH wanted me to go to the director but I had spoken to the room leader directly so we agreed to leave it at that.
The more we have worked on shoes the last few weeks, the more resistant he has become - to the point where even if its something fun we're putting shoes on for, like the park - he still chucks a wobbly over being asked to try himself.
When I picked him up on Thursday, she was in the room visiting with easter eggs after being on leave all week. When we got home, DS told me that "xxx is cross and says "put your shoes on, DS will go to babies room". I don't want to go to babies room, I'm a big boy."
I have been stewing on this all weekend. DS is a very vocal 2 1/2 year old and he doesn't know how to lie yet. I trust that at some point, she has told him if he can't put his own shoes on, he'll be going back to the babies room.
What I'm not confident of is the timing - obviously she was away last week except for the visit so I'm assuming it wasn't Thursday. With DS having the typical two year old memory it could have been any time in the last few months and if it made him feel particularly strongly (which I'm assuming it did!) he would remember it.
I don't know if I'm overreacting. I am angry because I feel like its shaming him for his failure to put his own shoes on, and I specifically told her not to do that. But even if it was before our little chat, is this ok to say to a 2 year old??
What would you do? Should I try talking to her again or is it beyond this now, do I go to the director?
ETA I have been accused of being over protective recently and want to make sure I'm not getting worked up over nothing
This post has been edited by LilMissTypesALot: 10/04/2012, 12:35 PM