[2boys2cute]

I have 2 years 2 months between my boys.

The good:

DS1 used to go to bed fairly early back when DS2 was a baby (ie around 6-7pm).
They are at ages (5 & 3) now where they are playing quite well together at times, which is good

The bad:
Having a newborn and a high-maintenance toddler (like DS1 was) was hard work. Damn hard work.
DS1 dropped his day sleeps 2 weeks after we brought DS2 home from hospital. That sucked!
TT'ing DS1 while DS2 was still a baby was hard
DS1 was still fairly dependent on me for many things such as dressing, bathing, feeding (to an extent) which made it hard - I think it would've been easier if he was a bit more independent like he is now ie he can have a shower/bath with limited supervision, go to the toilet by himself, get himself a basic snack or drink, get dressed, follow instructions, isn't so clingy & is willing to help etc etc
- dealing with the terrible 2's (which lasted well into the 3's) as well as a newborn wasn't much fun at all.

I guess it really comes down to what your kids are like ie easy, high-maintenance etc etc, which you aren't always going to know until its too late. It seemed like the moment I fell pregnant with DS2, DS1's terrible 2's hit early, and he was a shocker. Had I known back then what I know now, I would definitely have waited and had at least a 4 year age gap, because he is the most delightful little boy now compared to what he was like in his toddler years, and I really think having him and a baby now would have been SO much easier than having them as close as I did. They have very different personalities, and even though they are capable of playing well together for some of the time, they fight terribly as well. If I could turn the clock back and wait a few more years, I definitely would, for the sake of my sanity.

Just my experience of course! I have friends who swear by a 2 year gap as opposed to a larger gap.

[Gonewiththewind:...]

I'm sorry to hear of your losses Libertime & Ubermum

You are right, you can't control things at all. I guess I'm just wondering whether we start ttc with the 2yr3mth gap & go from there or whether we hold off for closer to 3yrs. If we start at 2yr3mth there is a chance we'd get that so I wouldn't want to start ttc if that was a shocking age gap! We fell pregnant straight away last time (& I'd expected it to take a little while) so I don't want a huge shock again if that is too close a gap.

It sounds like it would be a good starting point though from your posts above!

[Gonewiththewind:...]

Hmmm don't think as well just because your DS was easy to conceive that the second one will be too...our DD was conceived second month off the pill we were trying and yet we are going on for 4yrs TTC#2 and have just done our first round of IVF.

I hope it is not the case for you but just trying to say don't assume anything in TTC!!

Good luck - I would just start TTC whenever you are ready and whatever is meant to be, is meant to be and you will work around it!

You are totally right & I don't take the ease at which we fell pregnant for granted at all. I hope 2012 is your year

[silvek1978]

All children and families are different. It is hard to say which age gap is the best because so much is reliant on individual personalities and circumstances.

I agree with this. Everyone will give you an opinion based on their own experience.
Mine are 3 years apart and different sexes and adore each other so much, play well etc. plus my 4 1/2 year old still has a day sleeps. It worked out perfectly for me.

I am planning my 3rd now and will let the universe decide.

[prettypenny]

My girls have a 2y 9month gap (a 3yo and 3 month old) and so far I've loved it. DD1 dropped her nap at 2 years (cold turkey) but can do quiet time well. Like a few other PPs, this age gap wasn't planned but perhaps a blessing in hindsight.

I was able to have DD1 TT, in a bed and without dummy well before DD2 arrived. She was basically able to transition from toddler to a little girl without relating all these big changes to the new baby.

Since DD2's birth she has been great. Helps with nappy changes, sings to DD2 and understands that sometimes the baby takes up a bit of mummy and daddy's time.

Good luck and you'll find that you just adjust to whatever age gap you end up with.

[Kay1]

We were aiming for a 2.5 year gap but ended up with just shy of 3yr gap (despite conceiving DS1 first try). It worked well for us. DS1 was still napping at 3 - up until 3.5 actually. So I had time to rest in the afternoons. However DS2 was a very difficult newborn (even worse than DS1!) so day sleeps were non existent until about 4 months - after that he did sleep though and I would often get a snooze in the afternoon when both of them slept. Even when DS1 no longer napped I would let him watch tv then (only way to keep him awake!) and lie on the couch next to him and rest. He was not TTed until 3.5 yrs so I did have two in nappies for about 6 months.

This time we will have a 4 year gap. DS2 is 3.5yrs and no longer napping but I still use the tv to get a snooze in the afternoon if I am very tired. He goes to preschool two days a week so I have that time as well. He is now TTed, day and night so I have a brief gap between changing nappies!!!

The 3 year gap has been great for us. It was challenging at times in the beginning because DS1's behaviour was more difficult at 3 than at 2 so I often had meltdowns to deal with as well as a newborn. However they are great buddies now, they are inseparable and DS1 takes such good care of DS2. I hope they are similar with their soon to be baby brother.

This post has been edited by Kay1: 09/04/2012, 02:58 PM

[samshine]

My Dd is 3 years, 3 months and still has a 2 hour nap every afternoon

This is us, I know we're lucky but at 3y 4m DS still has a day sleep of 1-2 hours. We really have the best of both worlds though as if we need to he can go without out it at a stretch so we're not bound by staying home either. But even if naps have been abandoned, you can still implement some down time. Our older DD obviously doesn't have a nap but we inisist on quiet time when DS naps.

We've just had a 3y 3m age gap between DS and DD2 and it's (so far, touch wood) fantastic. A great age where he can understand some things have to wait and can help with little things. He's pushing the boundaries with his behaviour at times, but that's to be expected with all the changes. He's also at an age where he really enjoys the baby.

Overall, I thought I enjoyed my 18 month age gap between my first two, but this age gap has been so much more enjoyable and smooth.

Good luck

[Lil Chickens]

My two are 2 days off being 2 years apart. DD was an awful baby but is an independent well behave little girl and was so excited by her little brother that she has helped from day 1, reading books to DS while I fed, trying to change nappies etc. She even pulls his blind down and turns his 'music' (white noise) on when he goes to bed (and the reverse when he wakes up).

She has only just dropped her afternoon nap completely (2y8m) but was having one at least every other day until then. When she became difficult ot get to sleep I started to call it rest time and she had an hour in her room, 8/10 times she'd get in bed and fall asleep, otherwise she would play with teddy, read him a book and so on for the hour.

I didn't, but should have, TT'd DD before DS came along as she was ready but resisted. After 2 months of 2 lots of nappies (MCN) I just did it with her and we haven't looked back.

She also dresses herself every morning (and has done since before DS was born - although she did need a little help back then). She has now taken to choosing his clothes for the day as well. They don't have to be older to be helpful.

I wanted a small gap though as we had IVF with DD and I was 35 when I had her and 37 for DS. I stopped BF'g her at 12mths so we could get straight back into the IVF.

I know two people with 13/14 mth age gaps and they love it.

This post has been edited by Isabelle Thomas: 09/04/2012, 03:27 PM

[judy_]

My boys are 3 years 2 months apart.
DS1 was an easy 3 year old and was no problem with a baby.
DS2 is a horrible 3 year, it would be a nightmare with a new baby.

[Working_Mummy]

My DS was 3 in Feb, he has only just dropped the 2nd sleep and gone to 1 sleep per day.

We have a baby due this month so 3 years + 2 months difference.

Loving the independence DS has got in the last 6 months, not sure if it is because we are 'preparing' him for the new baby or it would have happened already. But he can now get himself fruit / drink from the fridge, a biscuit & put cheese on it for a snack.

Take himself to the toilet without any assistance.

Turn the TV on when he wakes up quietly without waking anyone else - if he happens to wake before us.

Feed himself dinner and just be overall quite helpful. I wouldn't have got this 6 months ago.

I am also finding that when reasoning with him it is a lot easier (ie no you cannot have a snack now, i am cooking dinner and will call you when its ready) but again i don't know if this is us cracking down a little bit extra and helping create this extra independence or it would have happened anyway.