[Satay chicken]

Hey Zoe - you're doing it tough at the moment and I am so sorry.

I have not been through IVF yet but I totally understand where you are coming from. I only know one person IRL who has had trouble conceiving, everyone else has gotten pregnant within the first three months of trying (not that three months warrants even saying "trying"). I've also got a friend at the moment who conceived within two months, she has a 6 month old now - spent most of the last 15 years drunk, smoking and keeping herself as skinny as possible (beer was her only carb), I'm pulling away from her at the moment because she's pee'ing me off on FB.... I told her we were stuggling but she still manages to comment on my brothers posts every day with comments such as "So amazing, best feeling ever (having a baby)" - thanks, you've met my brother a couple of times... totally insensitive. (My bro and SIL just had a baby - one hit wonder).

Zoe, just go with what feels right for you and protect yourself which ever way feels best. The people that count in your life will be there when you are ready, let the other ones slide for now...

PM me if you need anything ok, here for you...xx

This post has been edited by Satay chicken: 11/04/2012, 08:36 AM

[GEH 77]

Hi Zoe

Sending you big hugs, you are not alone & I think from previous posts we all know the feelings too well. We are on our 3rd cycle & 1st FET. The disappointment & pain of not achieving our dream & see others do it again & again sometimes 2 or 3 times over in the time we have been TTC is nothing I can describe to those who are not going through it themselves.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, if you find things too hard, don't do them, don't see them etc. I know I've gone through phases where I have blocked posts on Facebook from pregnant friends as I can't bear the constant updates etc. It probably doesn't make it too much easier but I'm easier on myself. After a lot of counselling the only thing I do now when I hear about someone else yet again falling pregnant & ofcourse they did it so easy! is to think that is their journey & ours is ours & ours is super special because our baby will be ours, I know talk is cheap but it's stopped me going nuts at some unexpected person & also the tears are less but doesn't mean it still doens't hurt.

I hope that helps & most of all you aren't alone, we are here for you to give you support

xx

[zoelicious]

Thanks everyone, its is just SOOOOO SOOOOO hard. I have made a pact with myself not to befriend anyone as I seem to attract those that are about to embark on ivf journeys (and get it on the first go). I dont think it makes me a bad person i just cant do it.

Its going to be a long road ahead for me, a long, long road.

xx

[Wishing2011]

I get it.. even though I havent had IVF myself we tried for a long long time.. and somehow we got our miracle.. but it was shortlived

It felt too good to be true.. and it really was

Your time will come.. have they done any more tests to see why it hasnt worked for you yet?

[meggs1]

I always felt (and I know this isn't how statistics work) that all those first time successes were lessening my chances or somehow using up my BFP.

Hang in there Zoe.

[Guest_C-is-for-MUMMY_*]

This was in the recent topics and even though I am not TTC, I am very close to someone who is.

I was on the receiving end of the silent treatment when I got pregnant.

I will not pretend to know anything about what you are going through, I imagine it is extremely hard for you and I am sorry that you have had to go through what you have... You are not a cow, not being precious, you are just dealing with this pain in any way you can.

Perhaps some advice I can give to you:
Your friend is probably feeling very vulnerable right now and your ignoring her is possibly making her feel like she doesn't deserve this baby because you have tried and tried and tried!

She needs friends to be excited for her and does it show more about your character (as a fighter, determined and strong - I presume from looking at your sig) if you are angry and upset because she got pregnant and you didn't, or would it show who you really are if through your pain you could show her that you are happy - even if inside you feel as if you are splitting apart...

It isn't fair that some women can have babies and others can't - it sucks!
But to tell this to your friend - should the words ever leave your mouth - could really hurt her...
Please, whatever you do, don't imply to her that she doesn't deserve this child - there is nothing worse because when that baby is born and she is holding it, she won't forget that her friend didn't want this baby to be born.

It will hurt you, it will be painful and there will be days when you don't think you can handle it anymore, but I beg of you - for her sake - not to cut her out of your life.

Good luck, I wish you all the best and I hope I haven't come across as harsh.

[Bwok~Bwok]

Please, whatever you do, don't imply to her that she doesn't deserve this child - there is nothing worse because when that baby is born and she is holding it, she won't forget that her friend didn't want this baby to be born.

Why do people always ASSUME that is what goes through a infertilies mind - excuse the language - that sh*ts me!

ETA You might actually be suprised, that as upset as one feels when another falls pg first go - that ^ is the furtherest thing on their minds!

This post has been edited by Bwok~Bwok: 12/04/2012, 09:37 PM

[Wishing2011]

C I dont think she would say that.. I think she is coming in here to vent.. It is very very very hard. Especially when you look at what she has been through.

I dont think it is selfish of her to take a step back when she can't face her pregnant friend yet. I did that to my SIL and even though it is still hard I am there for her but I have most definately been more withdrawn than usual because it is just too hard. I have started to talk to her about it recently but she has also purposely left me in the dark due to my miscarriage a few weeks ago.. Unless you have walked in these shoes I honestly dont think you can understand the pain she is feeling.. And I'm not saying that to be mean.. I'm just saying that because I'm in that situation myself.. And being selfish is OK sometimes because sometimes it is just too hard.

[zoelicious]

Thank you for all your responses ladies.

cisformummy im not ignoring my friend we still email each other every day but its not like it used to be. i am happy for my friend i truly am, but i just got my BFN on Saturday (not even a week ago) and as much as i want to see her (she just got her BFP 2 weeks prior) i cant. I am far too sad to see her or anyone at the moment. the pain is still raw.

i would never tell her that she doesn't deserve her child, golly I'm not like that. i would never even think something like that to say to her or to anyone. she deserves a baby just as much as i do. we all deserve our babies. its just so unfair two besties one falls pregnant on the first go and the other doesnt after constant failure.

i just hope my journey will end soon as feeling like this is not very healthy.

[Guest_C-is-for-MUMMY_*]

Zoe, I am glad you are still in contact with your friend... I am sorry that it is so hard for you at the moment and I'm sure your friend knows that. It is really sad that you and your friend didn't get pregnant together... I really hope things get better for you.