[itsaboysworld]

I havent hear from DH's parents since I sold my home. They have not visited my new home.

I have sent them pictures of the kids when they do something special, I send updates of the boys activities and have taken the boys to them on a couple of occasions and of course invited them to visit the new house. I never get replies and only get complaints that they dont get to see the kids, but they wont visit.

I sent them a happy easter message and got a phone call a few minutes ago which really upset me.

Ive been asked to bring the kids to visit them for a "bbq with the whole family (SIL and her family, niece and her boyfriend etc etc), with various BS excuses about why they have had the time to come and see the new house and the kids since they started school etc. And then comes "P is not welcome here".

You know what? My boys will already have their own conflicting feelings about a man moving in and how that fits in with their feelings of loss and I dont want them to get the impression they have anything to feel guilty about due to Gary's parents finding things difficult. Ive been told that its me and the kids only to visit or not at all.

I feel like im being punished and the feel like the kids are too. I was told I will always only be the wife of his son and nothing else.

Im seriously tempted to say that they are more than welcome to visit here any time but I wont cater to these sorts of conditions on visits to their home.

[LynnyP]

Depends on why they are saying it.

If it is because any one replacing their son is not welcome, then that is probably harsh.

If they have a personal reason not to like your new partner, if he has behaved poorly to them or they don't like his interactions with you and your children or they just don't like him, then it is more understandable.

If they have seen him behave atrociously or heard of very bad bahaviour, then it could be very understandable.

I don't know enough to say.

[JRA]

No it's not fair, and I really feel for you.

The difficult thing is that your DH's parents are also probably very confused in life without their son. How your new man will fit into your life, their life, and their grandchildren's life is going to take time for them to work out.

I think it will take time for them to understand how your home is not their son's home anymore. They will feel that you have replaced their son, and that is another step in the closure process, and of course is very difficult for them.

All the best

[eyesabove]

Go with your gut IABW - you've been through enough and your kids need some stability and normalcy around all this.

I wouldn't go. Or if the children really wanted to go I would drop them off for a little while and come back and get them?

Its not fair to hold you to your past like that - its important for everyone to move on.

All the best OP.

This post has been edited by eyesabove: 08/04/2012, 01:47 PM

[itsaboysworld]

The pure and only reason is that they want no one replacing their son. They have stated that repeatedly and that "its nothing personal"......feels petty ****ing personal to me.

ETA: They refused to help me pack and move house because I was apparently "betraying dh" by selling my home. They dont EVER ring me or the kids or visit and hadnt for at least six months before I even put the house on the market. ts not like they are suddenly in shock because P has moved in, its been a steady pattern of zero support and b**ching at me for ages.

This post has been edited by itsaboysworld: 08/04/2012, 01:52 PM

[Schnitzelvonkrum...]

People who put conditions on relationships are not in the relationship for the right reasons. I would nicely state my position, and ask them to think about the message they are sending to their grandsons, and make sure my kids are only exposed to healthy, loving relationships without ulterior motives.

[Mexy]

I would not go in all honesty. If they cannot accept that you need to move on at some stage and accept that you are living YOUR life YOUR way, then too bad for them.

I obviously did not know your DH, but I simply cannot believe that he would not want you to move on and be happy - of course he would.

So you just continue to live your life, your way.

[tibs]

It must be hard on them to see that you have seemingly replaced their son which is something they can't do.

But as grown adults you'd think they would suck it up for the sake of their relationship with their grandchildren, which afterall is all they have left of their son.

[JRA]

Just to add to Lynny's comment. I am not sure how much your ILs are aware of the ups and downs with your new partner. If they have seen those ups and downs like we have, it is possible they have grave doubts. It was only 6? weeks ago you ended the relationship with him, and now you are living with him. They may just feel really unsure/difficult/confused by these sorts of things, and given he is "replacing" their son, it must be really hard for them.

[itsaboysworld]

JRA, I think youd find its been about four months since then as we reconciled just before my birthday. As for what they know about my relationship, they know bugger all as they havent been in touch and wouldnt have known more than what I told them.