[brookeandbaby]

Hi All, just wanted to share my little bit of good news. Earlier in the year we were having major issues with DS 6 who has ADHD, at home and at school . I (and XH as much as possible) got really involved with the school and the SEP teachers and worked with them.
XH got it in his head the DS should live with him full time for a while to sort it out. I knew this wouldn't work for a few reasons, 1. XH can't take him to school as he starts work early so had to drop him to me at 6.30am anyway and 2/ I knew he doesn't follow through with discipline and behavior management as much as I did. But, it was a case of not shooting his suggestion down straight away, pick my battles and be fair in co-parenting, if he thought it was what was needed I felt I had to let him try.
1.5 weeks it lasted and after consultation with the paediatrician and the school I talked to XH and explained it wasn't working, there was too much back and forth and that he needed to come and stay at home Monday - Friday (he could go to XH's for dinner a couple of nights a week but had to come home to his own bed and our set routine (I have a DD as well, both are at school).
Well, 2 months later and with my super strict routine in place the progress has been wonderful!! It's nearly killed me keeping it up but so worth it. Not every day is a "good" day but now there are so many more good then bad.
I even took tips from watching the Super Nanny and implemented them (rewards charts) and the kids are so in tune with it. They understand it, follow it, get excited about it and understand the good behavior means a "smiley face" on the chart and at the end of the week there could be a reward (which I make sure aren't material but rather a visit to a new park or a trip to the movies).
So tonight my mother said that she had visited my sister who See's DD and DS through XH (not me, we aren't very close) and that she commented she couldn't believe the change in DS and Mum told her that she has seen first hand the routine and discipline I have put in place and followed though with and how much it has help.
OK. I know this has turned into a total brag session, I do apologize but I'm just so happy, happy for us all. Life is so much better now there are less "episodes" and it's nice to know all the work I'm putting in is paying off, I have a happier boy and family and that's all I wanted.
Thanks for reading

[intd242]

That's great news! would be interested in knowing a bit more about your routine if you're ok sharing.

[papilio]

Well done! You certainly have every right to brag!

[bubble-o]

That sounds wonderful!! Good on you OP, you should be massively proud of yourself for this, it mustn't have been easy. And it isn't a brag session, I think all of us would benefit from highlighting our achievements from time to time.

I hope things stay on this positive track! Keep it up

[*Finn*]

Thats wonderful news op you should be extremely proud of yourself and your DS and DD.

[brookeandbaby]

That's great news! would be interested in knowing a bit more about your routine if you're ok sharing.

Thanks so much! I guess it's just what most parents do but (You may know if you have a child with ADHD) those routines take a fair bit more to make happen with these kids.
There's also the fact that I co-parent with XH so it was about getting stability in what was happening there.
Honestly when I lay out what I've done, most parents might probably think, "yeah whats the big deal" simple. But it hasn't been! lol
So the first thing I did was get the stability happening. Set schedule for the kids on school days, like I said, home every school night, the back and forth was really effecting him and the pead pointed that out.
I use to say 7.30 bed time but then it would be another hour of actually getting him to stay in his room, he would want me to lay with him, keep coming out or yelling from his room. I was going back and forth between him and DD and it was a nightmare. So I moved bedtime forward to 7pm and he is allowed 30 minutes with books or his leappad or me reading a story but "Mummy does not lay with him anymore" and after kisses and cuddles thats it, no coming out of his room. This took a while to make happen but I just kept walking him back into his room over and over and over. Oh and also i make sure there is no hyper activity after 6pm, to get him on the wind down, quiet activities only.
Morning I have put a clock in his room with stickers to point out 6.30am and told him he cannot come out of his room until then. He was waking at 5-6am everyday and shaking down the house. This didn't work until I put things in his room for him to do, IE - homework, his leappad, books. He stills gets a little disruptive some days but not as many as before.
Discipline, that's is good old time out. I struggled so much with this because of the effort it took. Seriously spent an hour some days doing it each time and several times a day. i use to think I don't have time for this but I made time. When I put him in time out the other day and he stayed first time and stayed quiet I was doing the happy dance!!! Crazy I know but I couldn't believe it!
Rewards chart has helped heaps!! we have the "Happy Helper Family" chart and they get a smiley face for doing well in the morning before school. I also did a chart with pictures of our morning routine, make bed, have breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, get school bag and get in the car. As they do each task we move their "star" along. If they do it all then we get to play our "happy song" in the car on the way to school and all sing along.
Lastly, one of the other big changes I've done is within myself and that is recognizing when an "episode" looks like it's coming and trying to divert it before it does. I was doing this wrong at first, I was pandering to him and literally treading on egg shells around him just to keep the peace. I hated that as I shouldn't have to do it. So now I try and divert his energy. If i see him starting to get to an "edgy" place I stop what I'm doing and ask him if he'd like to come and help me do xxx. This is difficult at times as like everyone I have things to do but it's worth it and I'm trying to now find things I can get him to go and do that I can supervise minimally i.e. He LOVES doing anything in the Yard, so if I have time i say, "lets go mow the lawn together" if i don't I say "Hey the driveway really needs a sweep, do you think you could manage that on your own" he delights in having responsibilities.
However, if the explosion happens before I get on top of it, I've now realized sometimes it gets to a point there is no getting through and there is no point trying to reason or discipline so I put him in his room and he will be screaming, crying, abusing me, calling me everything under the sun, and I sit outside his room and try and ride it out. Once I hear he is calm I go in and usually he is still feeling defiant so I take him to the bathroom and wash his face with a cold washer and allow him to come downstairs, BUT, if he is still acting out I take him back up and repeat the process. Then there are the times when he doesn't calm down, he is hitting himself in the head, shaking and his little heart is thumping out of his chest, these are the times I bear hug him, just hold him close and say over and over "mummy loves you" it can take a while but he eventually turns and embraces me and sobs until he is calm. These are the times I remind myself, it's not his fault.
Anyway, you did ask for a novel didn't you?!!!
Gosh I'm sorry but if you get just one tip from this that may help you as it has me then that's fantastic.

[brookeandbaby]

Thanks so much for the kind replies and not shooting me down as an "I'm so great" post. I agree about sharing accomplishments. I just feel so proud and happy and with no friends with kids that have ADHD it's hard to find people that understand what an achievement it is!!
xox

[LambChop]

Sounds like you have been working really hard to find the balance that works for al the family Well done, keep at it, it's a journey not an outcome - chances are you will need to continually refine your approach as he learn new boundaries and self regulation strategies

[brookeandbaby]

Sounds like you have been working really hard to find the balance that works for al the family Well done, keep at it, it's a journey not an outcome - chances are you will need to continually refine your approach as he learn new boundaries and self regulation strategies

I totally agree, it's all going to take maintenance and tweaking as it goes but I guess the main thing I have found hope in is that implementing strategies and being prepared really does work if followed though with

[brookeandbaby]

That sounds wonderful!! Good on you OP, you should be massively proud of yourself for this, it mustn't have been easy. And it isn't a brag session, I think all of us would benefit from highlighting our achievements from time to time.

I hope things stay on this positive track! Keep it up

Gosh I wish I could strike more people like you on EB. To be fair most have been very supportive but I always held back what I say for fear of being flamed. Thank you. I'm not the bragging type but feel like I have failed so much in the past few years that this achievement was worth bragging a little about and I have very few people in my life that would understand.
As a side note I also really, really wanted to give hope and maybe just a reassurance to Mum's in the same boat knowledge that there are many of us dealing with this.