[kboomba]

I went into my first birth experience after watching a good 50% of my friends have emergency caesarians. One in particular stood out to me. She had gone into the birthing suite armed with a birthing plan, determined to do it naturally. After the caesarian she suffered a lot. So much that she decided not to have any more kids, anti depressants, the whole thing. But at the end of the day her baby could have died if she didn't have that Caesarian.
I talked to my OB, I asked lots of questions, he knew what I wanted. Then when I had life threatening complications I told him to do what he needed to do. I questioned him. He assured me. As long as we were safe it would be ok.
I thought if I went into it with demands, with a birth plan, then I was setting myself up for disappointment.
I applaud those who have a trouble free birth and can do it how they want. But let's remember that childbirth is not easy. It's not safe. It's not trouble free for a lot of people.
So let's make it ok to not have a birth if you don't want one.

[new~mum~reenie]

I think part of the issue with traumatic birth is that it isn't 'recognised' or understood by society. Or mums suddenly find themselves in this situation feeling very alone and with a lot of questions and insecurity.

People can go through the exact same experience and that experience will effect them differently. I don't believe it is just a matter of attitude. It is a mental health issue that many feel lost in.

This post has been edited by new~mum~reenie: 29/03/2012, 10:24 PM

[Lokum]

Actually, some of us are quite happy to let the expert do their job - ie get the baby out safely, in whatever way they, with their years of training and experience, feel is best. I get frustrated at articles that imply that women who choose an OB-led ( or other more "medicalised") birth don't ask questions of their care provider and inform themselves of what "going with the flow" might entail.

Me too! Being a highly educated, empowered informed and with enough money to choose - I choose to let a specialist doctor with many years of formal training and experience manage my pregnancy and delivery.

When the sh*t goes down, I want her in control. When I'm a bit out of control, I want the m/ws to make suggestions. When it's a line call about induction, c/s, episiotomy vs tear, suction or other interventions - I've only done it once before. She's had a few of her own and been involved in thousand of Pgs and births.

My choice is deliberate, well-informed and happy. I go with the flow. It doesn't make me an idiot. If I end up with another c/s, it doesn't mean I was hoodwinked by the medical profession, or that it was unnecessary.

[Onyx]

My labour was far from ideal, but I have moved on from it.
I think about it often, but more from the point of view that I am so grateful I had the OB I did and the midwife I did who picked up something wasn't right and acted straight away.

I do get upset sometimes that I was not awake when DS was born but when I think of how lucky I am that he arrived safely it doesn't bother me.

Before things started to go wrong I was able to go for walks, use the bath, fit ball etc, I was worried prior to going into labour I might be bullied by a midwife, especially as this was at a private hospital but this wasn't the case at all.

[CherryAmes]

It's interesting in this thread to see the gap between those who say "my birth went fine, I wasn't traumatised, so I don't get it" and those who say, "I get it, I think of my birth every day."

Surely, whether that's your experience or not, you can appreciate that for some people it IS traumatic and difficult and it's not something that they should "get over" and "move on from"?

Lucky you if your birth was fine - do you really think that was all your great management? Don't you think a lot of it was just plain good luck? And therefore, have a bit of compassion for those people who weren't so lucky?

[Pooks*potters]

thank you fertile woman, you said that perfectly.

[PatG]

CherryAmes, I didn't get that same impression from reading the posts. I got the whole mix - those who had traumatic experiences and weren't able to leave it behind, those with traumatic experiences who were able to and those who didn't have traumatic experiences and so didn't have anything to leave or take. Was there anyone who said that those unfortunate enough to have a bad experience should just get over it? My reading of the posts found plenty of compassion.

[07gbam]

"Going with the flow" goes more than one way.
For some women, the labour and birthing process is for them, a great big big deal, and one to which they work towards for months , if not years. In my experience, sadly these are the ones who are most disappointed, and even traumatised when things do not go as they anticipated. Women like this invest so much in it all- yoga, doulas, homeopaths, antenatal classes, calmbirth classes, epi-no's, books books and more books, hours on line scouring internet sites for advice and information, acupuncture and so on... NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS AT ALL!! However....... These are often the ones who feel most upset and traumatised when they end up with the emergency section, or the forceps because they have not been given the return for the investment. Everything we do to arm ourselves before birth is good, but by no means a guarantee thing will go the way we want.
Then there is the blame game. It couldn't possibly be because there was a physiological reason for the birth not going perfectly- it was the 'system' or the midwife, and most commonly, that awful doctor. Women are being told that they are born to breed, and born to birth, and that nothing should go wrong if they just believe in themselves, and well, no, not always true. "going with the flow' does not mean ( to me) to 'hand over' responsibility, to me it means being ready and prepared for ALL eventualities as best i can.
Not to expect perfect, not to expect disaster. Not to go into the labour suite with a combative/antagonistic attitude towards the birth or my 'helpers'.
"Going with the flow" can also mean, for some, to take complete control, and to let nature do it's thing. Letting pregnancies go further than the doctors would feel comfortable with, labouring for days on end, no monitoring, no examinations and so on. This too has it's hazards.
I had a very difficult birth with my first, and for ME "going with the flow' saved me from ruminating for months and possibly years on what was quite frightening at the time. But of course, not everyone is the same. I still look back and shudder, but to me, it was no one's fault and the added burden of apportioning blame, to either myself or to one of the professionals there helping me would be more to take on than I need. I consider myself very lucky, and these feelings have thankfully overwhelmed my recollections of the difficult and painful time I experienced.

ETA: I also believe that no matter how many counselling sessions I might have gone to, how much debriefing, or how many other women I might have talked to who had similar experiences, it was only ME who could deal with the memories and the distress. I chose to move on in my own way. Yes, not everyone can do this, and I did have the experience of having seen much more distressing and traumatic births to give me a sense of comparison and understanding. To anyone who has had a difficult time, and the memories linger, try really hard not to apportion blame to anyone , not even your body. It hinders the healing process.
And understand that there are some people out there who have a vested interest in your birth trauma. It helps them further their cause. I refuse to be used in this way.

This post has been edited by 07gbam: 30/03/2012, 07:08 PM

[bottle~rocket]

I agree with everything Fertile Woman has said, she has expressed it extremely well.

It makes me sad when women who are suffering the aftermath of birth trauma are blamed for their own distress. So often these women are described as having “unrealistic expectations” or their traumatic experience is trivialised by being described as the birth “not going to plan”. This surely must compound their distress and isolation.

It seems that birth trauma is barely acknowledged in our society. There are no public services or funding for women to debrief post birth or for treatment of PTSD or PND related to birth trauma.


This part of the article really stood out to me, I think the way birth is managed in hospitals has as much to do with ensuring the efficient operation of the hospital rather than meeting the needs of women and their babies.

The hospital’s definition of healthy?

Miranda, a 38 year old mother of two, tells sadly of her realisation that her definition of the “healthy mum and bub” term, and her hospital’s definition, were eons apart. “I could not fathom that any decision being made was not in my best interest. I did not think for a moment that we weren’t all working towards the same goal. I was going with the flow. But their flow took me to a place I never wanted to be, and I am still paying the price. And it wasn’t because their way was safer. It was because it suited their institution better.”

This is where the real flow can rear its sometimes ugly, institutionalised head. Although our health carers are there to ensure physical safety, and many would like to be able to support women emotionally through birth, they are often stymied by the very system they work in. The birthing journey consists of many twists and turns, and some of these turning points may require decision-making. As an institution, the hospital has certain protocols and policies in place to enhance the smooth running of an enormous organization. And while some of them are designed with the woman as the main focus, many other regulations were created more to meet the hospital’s needs. So every decision made about a woman during birth must take into account not just that woman and her baby, but issues such as litigation, liability, staffing, costing, and more. We generally assume that all “flows” will arrive at the same result of “Healthy Mother and Baby”. But now – what is the hospital’s definition of “healthy? And indeed, what is the doctor’s definition of healthy?

Debby Gould hears over and over again that physically healthy is not enough. “The goal of emerging from birth with body and baby intact is a bit of a no-brainer, really,” she says. “ Of course we all want that. But what many health providers fail to recognise is that it is completely possible to support a woman to birth a child so she feels mentally healthy afterwards, without compromising safety in any way.”

[meggs1]

I was one who invested a lot of time and money trying to prepare for the ideal birth. Not so much for the sake of it, but because I believed (had been convinced by the natural birth advocates) that it would be so much better for bonding and BF etc. I felt like I would be letting my son down to not give birth to him in the "best possible" way. Kind of like making my own organic pureed carrots etc.

My son's birth was horrid (shingles at term, isolation room, failed induction, emergency c/s under general, transfer of my son to another hospital with suspected chickenpox). I was so disappointed I didn't even get to try to labour naturally due to the shingles, didn't get to have him with me for the first 3 days, he was given some formula etc. I was diagnosed with PTSD and had some help from a psych to deal with it.

From my perspective it was all made worse by the pressure I had put on myself, and the fear that I wouldn't manage to BF or bond with my son, and I had somehow let him down and was a bad mum. In fact I had no issues with bonding and BF fell into place with some work.

I am now happy to say that I do see his birth as "just one day" in our life.