[Cluckyandhopeful]

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and have a condition called vulvar vestibulitis. My condition is not very common and isn't a familiar topic with most women.

Basically, the condition causes burning/itching/raw stinging sensation at the entrance of the vulva which has caused issues with having sexual intercourse - it can be very painful at times. It also causes muscle tightness and has caused me so much emotional pain over the years. Inadequacy has definitely been one of them.

After a lot of pain, anguish and heartache over the years with battling this condition (and lots of physical and emotional therapy) I am happy to say that DH and I have been able to resume a somewhat normal sexual relationship and I thank my lucky stars every day that we were able to conceive our little miracle. My condition has been great throughout my pregnancy and hasn't caused me any pain due to the hormones.

As my due date is drawing closer, I have decided to have an elective Caesar (to avoid any tearing or cutting of the vulva which can lead to issues trying for baby number 2 which we are planning for in the near future).

Our OB has been very supportive and was the one to suggest the Caesar (I could give birth naturally but there would be no guarantee's as to how I will be after the birth and down the track).

In saying all of this on an anonymous online forum, I now need some advice as to what to tell family and friends who don't know that I have this condition (and there is NO way in the world I want to sit down and explain all of this to each and everyone one of them - it is SO personal. DH and my parents are the only ones who know about this and I'd like it to stay that way).

My OB has suggested that we tell everyone baby is breech and that is why we need to have a Caesar. The other option, is to say that I have had other issues and that our OB has suggested we go in for a Caesar.

The usual reasons for a Caesar is that baby is breech, low lying placenta, labor won't progress etc etc. I could lie but how can I when this is our first baby and I don't have the experience first hand?

I don't want to lie about our perfectly healthy little baby but at the same time, I really don't want to divulge my birth story to everyone (I know a lot of women love sharing their stories, mine is not one I want to share. I'd rather share it if it was the usual thing you'd hear each time).

Of course there is also the feeling of guilt that baby will not arrive into the world when it wants (our Caesar is booked in for 39 weeks). I'm trying to get over this...

Can anyone help with any suggestions as to what I tell everyone? I don't want to tell them that I am having an elective Caesar because this leads to nit picky questions that I'm not in the mood to answer due to the hell I have endured due to this condition.

Thanks ladies.

[Majeix]

I would just say that the ob has recommended you have a c-section and leave it at that if they pursue furhter either say you don't want to answser or oh theirs a couple of minor medical issues that make it a little complex e if you really want to give am answer but really there is no reason too. It's no one else buisness when it really comes down to it.

[MrsW87]

I wouldn't give anyone any explanation. You do not owe anyone anything, Just say, your OB has has decided an elective ceaser is the safest option for you and bub because of how the pregnancy is progressing.

The other option is that you don't tell anyone you are having the ceaser and then just announce when the baby is born, exactly like you would had you gone into labor and had the baby naturally. It might be a nice way to keep it a special time between you and your DH and to skip all of the eager well wishers that will no doubt stalk

[Gerbra Girl]

I told people that I had an elective ceaser due to medical reasons and no one really asked what they were. If they started to get nosy then I moved the conversation subtly to something else. I think if you are happy with the decision then others will follow your lead.

I was also unable to breast feed due to the amount of medication I was on for my overactive thyroid and when asked I simply said it was due to the medication going through the breast milk being a risk for the baby.

I also ensured that I was happy with my decision pre birth so it was not an issue for me. For me the only important thing was that I was OK and therefore my baby was OK. If those two things happened then I was enjoying my baby and therefore my baby was happy.

I wish you all the best with your birth. As someone said to me it is only one day out of so very many and at the end of it you have your child no matter how they came.

[Cacti]

I probably wouldn't tell them, just announce the birth and if asked, say that I had the caesar due to a medical condition. Then say that I didn't want to go into details if asked any further.

[Cluckyandhopeful]

Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies, I am in tears over here from relief that there are those of you out there who understand!

I don't think I will let everyone know of our booked date. We might do our own thing, enjoy the birth of our baby and then announce it and let them know about the Caesar. Thanks for your suggestions!

I have an appointment with our OB this week so I might have another chat to him about it. Perhaps I can say that we had some issues and baby needed to come out earlier? Or I can even point out that I've had issues along the way...hate lying, but need to do this!

All of you are so right, the important thing is that it's none of their business and that baby arrives into the world safe and well!

[Cacti]

C&H, just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to tell them. If they ask why you had the caesar, I'd say, "The doctors thought it was the best option, and we agreed" and say nothing further.

This post has been edited by Cacti: 25/03/2012, 04:27 PM

[cardamom]

Cluckyandhopeful, I don't have children yet, so can't offer any advice on what to say to people, but wanted to give you a big from a fellow V.V. sufferer.

It's so nice (well, nice isn't the right word, but you know what I mean. Comforting) to see that there are others out there with the same problem.

Best of luck for the arrival of your little one

[Princess.cranky....]

You really don't need to say anything. I have had 3 CSs. People don't really ask why I had them.

Two of my caesars were going to be electives (both girls lined upcoming early so were emergencies). Our plan was not to tell anyone other than our parents who were babysitting. A vaginal birth can be a surprise so why not a caesar!

Don't stress about it, just work it out as it happens.

[4WD_Baby#1]

i have vaginismus, I want a natural birth. I also am so happy to have conceived I am scared though. If in your position of elective C I would just tell people its bc of difficulty of delivery the normal way.

Good luck.