[EBKatie]

Have you struggled to explain to your child that if their '"friends" treat them badly all the time than they are not really their friends? How did you handle it?

Child psychologist Kimberley O’Brien shares her tips on the topic.

[handsfull]

Am reading this post whilst waiting for my DD to finish her psych session re bullying and self esteem.....

[allie-jane]

Have you struggled to explain to your child that if their '"friends" treat them badly all the time than they are not really their friends? How did you handle it?

Child psychologist Kimberley O’Brien shares her tips on the topic.

I have not heard of or personally experienced any success with requesting teacher, principal or school assistance with bullying, which this "frenemies" situation is. Perhaps because schools lack the authority, or the courage to tackle this vicious behaviour, perhaps because like most of us, they are scared to get on the wrong side of a bully, they pretend to act with "strategies" that only leave bullying targets feeling more vulnerable. There are teachers in the system that were once school yard bullies, and many others would look away or change direction in the yard to avoid having to deal with bullying. When targets do retaliate they usually are singled out for punishment. It is very clear that physical threats, seizing by force of books and bags etc, constraint and forceful imprisonment in toilets etc, or infliction of injury are condoned or unopposed if visited on a bullying victim. We seem all to be in a useless flap about the "issue".
Historical perspectives can be helpful. In previous generations, bullying was still a problem but was contained more by community support for the legitimate use of physical force in response to unjust aggression. Schools were intellectually equipped to identify and deal with wrong doers. AND community standards about civil treatment of others, and training in empathy seemed to be better.Many contemporary parents don't seem to care about the rudeness, insensitivity or worse of their darlings today. In fact quite a few are quietly pleased that their child is on top and able to manipulate others and keep "losers" at bay. Narcissism seems to be on the rise.
Kids have tendencies to behave cruelly like all of us but it is intensified in school and other peer contexts. If we claim to be civilised, then we must ensure our kids are civilised too. And when all of this is being addresses, it is then appropriate to encourage the targets to identify strategies to limit bully attention. Schoolyard bullies need targets to ostracise and victimise and anyone not strong or savvy enough to oppose them will do. Anyone. My kid, my friend' kids, anyone that can have some kind of label thrown at them. Anyone.

[wareemba]

My daughter had a so called friend .Ike this. At 15 years. She finally shed her but has paid the price still even after the school councellor was made aware by several students and parents they are powerless to control these kids they can just give the victims coping strategies

[wareemba]

My daughter had a so called friend .Ike this. At 15 years. She finally shed her but has paid the price still even after the school councellor was made aware by several students and parents they are powerless to control these kids they can just give the victims coping strategies

[wareemba]

My daughter had a so called friend .Ike this. At 15 years. She finally shed her but has paid the price still even after the school councellor was made aware by several students and parents they are powerless to control these kids they can just give the victims coping strategies

[BlueSmurf4]

I had a bullying problem with one of my children and read widely to work out what the problem was. Basically kids that get bullied either underreact or overreact the extremes being saying nothing or crying/hitting out. What is needed is the child needs to stand up for themselves but calmly without overdoing it. Overdoing it is percieved as a sign of weakness and brings on more bullying. We did also inform the school and seek out a tolerant friendship group. Macquarie Uni psychology unit ran a series called the Teasing group which helped kids in this predicament. Check if it still runs.