[runnybabbit]

Hello EBers.

We live in Queensland and have just moved interstate, so we're pretty short on cash. Hubs has a stable income but we are renting and I'm not working at the moment. In short, we're getting by, but just. I'm hoping to go back to work part time (baby is 11 months old) in a few months but we want to buy a house this year and need to save up.

My best friend in the whole wide world is getting married this August... in the UK. I love her and I am so happy for her and her fiance. And I really, really want to be there -- she wants me to be a bridesmaid.

We absolutely can't afford to make the trip, and she knows that. So she's offering to pay for half our flights (for me and my DH) from Singapore to London, we'd make our own way from QLD to Singapore, and then we'd stay with her fiance's parents while there (accommodation therefore being free). But they can only put us up for about a week, so that's about how long we'd be staying.

I have a huge problem with this. She has just started a business and so far it's been doing really well -- three months in and already turning a profit, but she has debts to pay and they've just bought a flat in London, so they now have a mortgage, too. She's the most generous person in the world and I personally think her family often takes advantage of her financially. I'm not willing to become one more person who takes money from her.

This is really upsetting her, though, the fact that we can't go because I won't take her money. To me it means she will be taking on debt so that I don't have to.

A selfish element of this -- our 11-month-old is a bad sleeper and a whirlwind trip from Queensland to the UK for one week is likely going to be awful, crabby toddler jetlagged the whole time we're there, and then having to readjust once we're back.

Truly, though, the main reason we don't want to go (as much as I WANT to be there) is because I don't want to take money from her. I just can't. It's not pride -- it's more like I would be compromising my values if I took her money.

Am I wrong? Is it selfish to say I can't be there, when, well, I technically CAN?

(We can't really afford to borrow the money from her and pay it back, either, so that's not an option.)

[~Delilah~]

How about just you go?

[ljl211]

How about just you go?

This was my suggestion too!

[bubblebear]

How about just you go?

I was thinking this too, if you would be covering half the fare for two of you then you should be able to afford it for yourself, and it would bypass any traveling issues with your child. You also could then fully focus on her and being a bridesmaid, rather than worrying about a jet lagged toddler.

[runnybabbit]

I'd have to bring DS along, and deal with his jetlaggedness and all that on my own.

[duck-o-lah]

In ten years, what will you remember, your DS being crabby and tired, or being a part of your best mates wedding on a whirlwind trip across the world. I don't think you'd ever regret it if you went

[Turando]

Could you possibly take the money as a loan to repay in the future?

Or take it and then one day in the future do something really nice for her?

[2bellaboos]

In ten years, what will you remember, your DS being crabby and tired, or being a part of your best mates wedding on a whirlwind trip across the world. I don't think you'd ever regret it if you went

THIS!!!

Or take it and then one day in the future do something really nice for her?

and THIS!!!

[kez71]

i understand your dilemma. You could hunt around for a good airfare..My DH is heading over in June and he found a $400 ticket to singapore with jetstar and then an $1100 one from singapore to manchester with one of the arab airlines (Can't remember which one)..so $1500 to UK return. its a super good price, just a matter of changing airlines. If your friend wants to help you pay, then let her. Its her wedding, she should be able to do what she likes

If you only went for a week, you could leave DS with DH or another family member.

[Julie3Girls]

I'd go yourself.

If you have just moved interstate, you presumably don't have family nearby. Could you get a grandparent to come to you in QLD, stay for the week you are away? They get to see your new place, spend time with your son. And you don't have to worry about your son while you are away for a week.

That drops your costs to just the flights for you.
And honestly, if she really wants you there, I'd even consider letting her share the cost of getting your there. The only reason you are going is for her wedding, going on your own, just for a week - you are not taking advantage of her, you are going there for HER.