[RockLobster]

Hi All,
I am 14 weeks pregnant, and trying to deal with the fact that my mother is very ill - I'm terrified she may not be around when my baby is born.
Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago, which has been treated, however now she has secondary liver and bone cancer. Currently, she is incredibly jaundiced, fatigued, has no appetite and a lot of bloating, which I believe is a very bad sign.
I told my parents about the baby when I was only 5 weeks pregnant, and they have been very excited, offering to help pay for things, etc. Mum has been knitting some baby things when she can as well. This will be their first grandchild. I've been keeping them updated whenever I have scans, etc
Dad is doing everything around the house -cleaning, cooking, looking after Mum, etc. I have been trying to help when I can after work, etc by cooking for them or cleaning, so that it gives Dad a break.
Although I believe Mum's health is quite bad, they haven't really told me much about what the doctors have said, etc. Possibly they don't want to upset me too much.

I'm just so worried, about Mum, about Dad and about my brother (who still lives at home), and also I'm worried about my baby. I'm worried that all the stress might somehow cause problems with the pregnancy, which I definitely could not cope with on top of everything else! I just find myself on the verge of tears at any moment of the day and I'm not sleeping very well, and forcing myself to eat at most meals

I'm considering dropping down to part time at work, just to give me more time to help my parents, but I'm not sure I can do without the money, when my husband and I are trying to save everything we can before the baby arrives...

I'm just really what to do about any of this and am just constantly thinking about everything and worrying.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this all off my chest for a minute. Thanks for reading....

[kerrie23]

I was 18 weeks pregnant when my mother passed away. I also had an 11 month old at the time. She had breast cancer, secondary bone cancer and the cancer was in her liver when she passed.

If you want to talk at all please send me a PM. I cannot say anything that will make you feel better but you are not alone.

[millej13]

Awww hugs to you

I had to write just to offer my experience

When I was preg with #1 my partner and I were both working full time, as well as renovating / selling our house - was an incredibly stressful time, and I did worry hugely about what effect the stress was having on my baby
They are incredibly well insulated inside you though, and whilst stress isn't ideal for your wellbeing, believe me, that baby will take whatever it needs to survive

With regards to your situation - when my dad was sick a few years ago, I was also kept in the dark, largely because my parents, like yours, were trying to protect me.
While you may want to reduce your working hours, if this is going to negatively impact you and your families finances, I'm sure it will upset your parents even more - I know my parents were absolutely 100% in their mind about ensuring their illness did not impact on me or my brother, and trying to protect us from this

Any help / love you are giving them will be enough - and if your parents are anything like my parents, keeping your life going as normal will be more reasurring to them than anything else - god forbid something does happen, I am sure they feel better knowing you are protected - financially, and are in a good place - you may think this is being selfish, but if you turn your life upside down in an effort to help, you may cause them more worry this way

Take annual leave days where possible, carers leave, etc if you want to pitch in - have dinner with them a few times during the week (where you bring food) or any other ways you can think of to help

It's horrible this is happening when you are pregnant - maybe talk to your doctor / obstetrician for reasurrance with regards to the baby - but please try not to worry too much - our babies are very resilient!!

[RockLobster]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to send an update and let you all know that my mum passed away this afternoon. She had lots of family around her and thankfully was relatively pain-free for most of the time.
Thank you to those who have posted public or private messages of support, it really means a lot.

[sne]

My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was in my late teens. So my lovely grandmother was the closest thing I had to a mother for many years. My Nana passed away when I was 15 weeks pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was her power of attourney so was responsible for making all the 'big' decisions as my father (her only child) lived in another country. So it was very stressful and traumatic for a while there. My advice to you is to take one day at a time and only do what you can do, not push yourself.

One other thing I found is that I went though another grieving period after baby was born. For some reason it was worse for me after my girls.

[mibi]

Hi Amy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum to cancer when my DD was only 3 weeks old and 6 weeks after my Dad died. I really don't know what to say, just that I am thinking and praying for you and your family.

[kay7]

Amy,

I'm so very sorry that your mums passed away

Please take care of yourself and try to be as gentle and kind to yourself over the coming months, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Xoxo

[Mintjelly]

I am so sorry about your Mum's passing. I wish I could offer something to help.

Take care and remember to be kind to yourself xoxo

[TinyTeddys]

So sorry to hear about your mum xoxo

My mum passed away while I was pregnant with my first. It's hard, especially when your baby arrives. You think about all the things she will miss out on and all the things you wished you asked her. Be kind to yourself and remember how much your mum cared for you xoxo

[Therese]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum Amy. My thoughts are with you all.