[katieface84]

Just looking for some advice/opinions.

I'm going to be a bridesmaid tomorrow for an old friend. We are on a really tight budget at the moment (and trying to sort out our finances before baby # 2 arrives in 7 weeks).

So far I have paid the following:
$170 for a maternity bridesmaid dress (which is nice but I cant ever see myself wearing again as this is my last bub)
$40 for bridesmaid shoes (pretty good bargain actually I suppose)
and will be up for about $60 or so tomorrow for hair (bride is paying for makeup, thank god, as the makeup artist charges $110 per bridesmaid)

So about $270 or so all up.

Now the dilemma. What amount do I put in the card? We usually try to give $100 per wedding but DH is fed up and doesnt think we should after the amount I have already spent. He isnt a stingy person but I think the budget stress is getting to him at the moment.

I think we have to give something, but perhaps less than we would normally give? I know people will say "Well you agreed to be bridesmaid so you are up for any costs", but considering her parents are paying for the whole thing I thought maybe I'd be up for the dress and the rest would be paid for? Silly me I know

Please be kind, Im not trying to be stingy, just genuinely unsure of what to contribute. Thanks in advance

[MsDemeanor]

I think you should only give what you can afford. If she was a good friend and an old friend I am sure she will understand the position you are in. Can you afford $50? That would be reasonable I think given the circumstances.

All the best with your impending new arrival

[halfagonyhalfhop...]

In those circumstances, I think I would just choose or make a lovely card, write in some heartfelt comments, and not give a gift or money.

You're contributing a lot already, especially if you factor in the time that you will spend arranging or organising things for the bride, and just generally 'being there' for her on the day.

If I were a bride, not receiving a gift from my bridesmaid would not offend or faze me in the slightest.

[AvadaKedavra]

People don't care about dollar values, it's more about the thought. You could either buy them an item that costs less than you'd put in as cash or give less cash - but either way write her a lovely card telling her how much your friendship means to yo and how pleased you are to be part of her big day, and that you hope he understands that the extent of your feelings for her is not reflected in the gift (which is all you can afford at the moment). Honesty works best, and I'm sure she'll be touched.

[PrincessPeach]

$50 is a perfectly acceptable amount to give as a gift.

Do you have a chance to go out shopping for a gift for her? Some nice towels or sheets can work well & if you get a good sale can work out at a better price.

I used to do that a lot when i was a broke uni-student. Kind of handy for me was a Royal Doulton Factory outlet nearby to where my DP at the time lived - 70% off, can get a great gift for my $50 budget!

[MrsWright]

I don't think you have to give them anything except a card considering you have already put up a lot of money and have a baby to budget for, any couple would understand that. If you don't want to spend any more than $50 I would try to buy something instead if you have time. My go-to wedding gift when I'm on a super tight budget is a cookbook - one of those nice hard cover ones with lovely pictures. You can normally get one for less than $50 and it's something they can keep forever.

[**Xena**]

I'd just write a lovely card. I have been in a couple of weddings as a bridesmaid and had to pay for everything. In those cases I haven't given money just a heartfelt card. My friends were happy with this and likewise did the same for my wedding

[SlinkyMalinki]

If I were in the wedding, I'd probably just give a card.

[futureself]

I think you should only give what you can afford. If she was a good friend and an old friend I am sure she will understand the position you are in. Can you afford $50? That would be reasonable I think given the circumstances.

My Bold. Exactly this. There is no 'rule' about how much to give so whatever you can at the moment is appropriate.
Some people have this odd idea that you have to give as much as the reception costs per person. Very wrong as western weddings do not work this way : In fact it is rude and tacky to even try to analyse how much a host is paying to entertain you.
I also don't believe that attendants should have to pay all these costs for the 'honour' of being in a wedding but that is a separate issue, sorry you're feeling under such financial pressure from it though

[follies]

Not stingy at all, I don't believe bridesmaids should have to pay for those hideous dresses.