[MumAndSon]

My son turned 4 last month and his behaviour concerns me just a tad. I am taking him for his 4 year check up soon and will bring it up then but just thought I'd check here to see if it is the norm or not.

Anyway. He gets very particular about things, about the way he uses things, the things he does, uses etc. Everything !

For example - Every night he must have his purple pillow, every drink of water must be cold, and must be in his purple bottle (contigo bottle).
If there is more then one of something that he wants (such as the same yoghurt or cereal) he must have, for example, the yoghurt from both tubs, even though it's exactly the same.
If he is doing something, such as lining his cars up, playing a certain way etc, and you come along and interrupt all hell will break loose!
And if he wants something, even though the items are exactly the same, he will have to choose a particular one. For example he had noodles the other day, all the packets are exactly the same but he will choose a certain one, he will watch to make sure you do it. And if you don't he gets very upset.
At traffic lights he has to always press the button the exact same way , tap with his left hand, head, then right hand.
If I buy him something, he wants me to buy two. One for him, one for his cousin.

He is a bit un co-ordinated. He cannot hop on one leg, he can not do a rolly polly, he can hardly jump and hardly climb.

He is also a follower. For example when his cousin is over, he will follow and copy everything his cousin does, and will do everything he says (they are the same age).

He is also a late talker. And has a very short attention span. He will not pay for anything for more then 10 minutes. No matter what it is. He wont even sit down and watch a whole movie or cartoon without getting up or getting restless. I don't even like taking him out or on public transport because of this.


So. Normal 4 year old behaviour? Or something more. Even my mum is a tad concerened and she has had 5 kids!! Thank you to who ever took the time to read this, sorry if it doesn't make much sense and thank you for all replies !!

[qak]

I would be seeing a paediatrician and going from there. Some of those behaviours are just typical of children but some do sound like there is something going on.

[nurn1004]

Hi,
You should definitely get him assessed by a developmental paediatrician or psychologist. Children's behaviour is definitely a large spectrum of what's normal and extremes of normal (and to be honest, I think sometimes people get overly concerned about behaviours that are normal, but just quirky or not 'average') and some of your son's behaviours sound normal but some (such as the stereotyped and repetitive actions at the lights) could indicate a form of anxiety or processing disorder (1/6 kids have some form of learning disorder, so it's actually quite common). At the least, if the assessment is fine, it'll reassure you. A lot of kids become fixed and have their favourite objects (eg my DS at 4 has just decided he needs to have his sister's heart patterned quilt with him whenever he's in the house! normal, although quirky, behaviour) But importantly, it's best to see a developmental paediatrician rather than just any old paediatrician as they'll be more knowledgeable of the subtle differences between the different conditions. Same thing with psychologists- better to see one who assesses and manages children with developmental assessments
Best of luck!

[mum850]

Hi, you need to get a referral to a developmental paediatrician from your GP.
Please come back and let us know how you went. You don't need to wait for the 4yo check up.
I suggest you post in the LOVELY special needs forum and hope that badmammajamma posts cos she is terrific and they will offer you a lot of support.

[baddmammajamma]

As nurn1004 points out, there can be a wide range of "what is normal." However, you do raise some points that could be regarded as developmental red flags. The very best thing you can do is to get them checked out.

Thanks to the posters above for saying what I am going to repeat:

Ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician (not a regular paediatrician) from your GP. Insist on one and don't wait for a special appointment. Book in with the GP as soon as you can to get the ball rolling because these things take time.

Where are you located? If you are anywhere in the Sydney area, I'd be happy to send you some recommendations for some outstanding developmental paeds. That doctor will look across all aspects of your son's development -- physical, emotional, behavioral -- to see if there are any issues that need to be addressed. You might also want to think about seeing a good child psychologist (not in place of the developmental paed but in addition to).

It may be that your son has an actual issue with a name (for instance, ASD or OCD), or it could be that he is just a highly quirky kid with challenging behavior. Either way, it is wise to involve an expert to help you think through the ways in which you can help your son.

The waiting lists for developmental paeds tend to be long. With a GP referral, you will be able to claim back a decent portion of the cost via Medicare. I strongly suggest that you look into private developmental paeds (in addition to or in lieu of public), as the wait lists for public services can be really, really long.

When you call to make the appointment, let the receptionist know that you would be willing to take someone else's cancelled appointment. That is often the best way to shave lots of time off of your wait.

If you decide to consult a psychologist (again, your GP can refer you), you are likely looking at a shorter waiting time.

You are doing the right thing by following up on your concerns NOW. There is a lot that can be done via early intervention to help kids development skills and/or become less rigid in their habits -- and it's often much easier to address the issues before they hit school.

Good luck!

This post has been edited by baddmammajamma: 09/03/2012, 12:47 AM

[baddmammajamma]

Hi OP:

Just a follow up note. Obviously, none of us here can tell you definitively whether your son's behavior is normal or not, but some of the things you raise could be red flags for ASD (and/or other issues).

At the top of this board, there is a pinned note on the most common signs of ASD in preschoolers:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=838627

The late speech, issues with gross motor skills, insistence on routine, lining up of the cars are all things you might see in a child who has ASD. I use the word might because the only way to know for sure is to get an assessment by a qualified professional (e.g. developmental paed, child psychologist).

I will close with a passage from one of my favorite web sites (First Signs, which is dedicated to helping parents, doctors & care givers recognize the early signs of potential developmental issues):

“Don’t worry.” These two words have often discouraged parents and have prevented many children with d evelopmental delays from getting what they need: early screening and identification, and appropriate intervention. Despite the fact that there is a direct correlation between early identification and improved development, parents with concerns about their children are often told not to worry. “Don’t worry...boys develop more slowly. Don’t worry...she’ll grow out of it. Don’t worry...Einstein was a late talker too. Don’t worry...just give it a few months.”

If you have concerns, don’t worry: take action.
Ask your physician to arrange for a routine developmental screening.

Parents know their children best and are in the best position to observe and report what their child is doing. They also have a sense of how well their child is doing. Sometimes they are satisfied, other times they are worried. Physicians rely on parents to provide information about their child’s health.

Imagine the following scenario: a young child has a persistent cough. The parent, concerned, schedules an appointment with a physician. The physician evaluates the child: sometimes a cough is just a cough; other times a cough can be a signal of something more serious. Just as parents and pediatricians are careful to respond to a young child’s physical health, they are wise to monitor a child’s development of social, emotional, and communication skills.

When parents report a persistent cough, they aren’t told not to worry. They don’t hope their child will outgrow it. They aren’t concerned about labeling, over-reacting, or what their family might think. They know something is wrong. Parents simply act, based on their observations of their child. In turn, the pediatrician or family physician examines the child and conducts the necessary tests to find out what, if anything, is wrong. If necessary, the physician will refer the child to a specialist.

Sometimes, parents who have concerns about their child’s development take no action: they are confused, embarrassed, worried. But if your child, or a child close to you, is not meeting the developmental milestones, it is important to take the first step.

Good luck.