[dessiesgirl]

I found a message on DDs phone today from her friend - both have just turned 13. The friend said her mum had had a friend over for the weekend, and last night they were joking about making brownies with drugs in them. Then she said there were drugs in her freezer, she didn't know what to do, but wanted to tell someone.


DD hasn't said anything to me - she has only been friends with this girl for a year or so, but they are quite close. She seems nice, but I have always thought there was something a bit odd about the mother - she seems a bit chaotic. I really don't know her that well, but I put it down to just different parenting styles.

I don't know what to do - I am uncomfortable with DD being around people who are so open to their children about drug use - even if its just dope. And I think DD would be totally freaked out if it came out while she was there. I'm reasonably broadminded, but also quite straightlaced if you know what I mean - I have no objection to others smoking dope, but its not for me, and I don't want DD involved either.


Would you talk to the mother? I've only met her a couple of times, so it might be awkward, and I also don't want DD to know I have checked her messages, even though its a condition of her having a phone. The other girl has always come across as a nice, kind and thoughtful girl, and I don't want to wreck DDs friendship with her.

[futureself]

I wouldn't allow my DD to spend time in a house with Drug use.
However, it's not the child's fault so would definitely allow the friendship, but insist on her coming to your place always.

[marnie27]

I wouldn't allow my DD to spend time in a house with Drug use.
However, it's not the child's fault so would definitely allow the friendship, but insist on her coming to your place always.

Yep, this. I have no problems with what others do in their own homes, but I wouldn't allow my child there, at least not without me.

[foxhill]

I wouldn't allow my DD to spend time in a house with Drug use.
However, it's not the child's fault so would definitely allow the friendship, but insist on her coming to your place always.

I tend to agree with this. I also wouldn't be comfortable sending my kids anywhere where the parents drink on a regular basis.

[dessiesgirl]

Yep, this. I have no problems with what others do in their own homes, but I wouldn't allow my child there, at least not without me.

Thats how I feel, but they're 13, and I'm findong it hard to try and cpme up with an explanation thats not too judgmental.

[Guest_Buy Me A Pony !_*]

I don't think you need to explain beyond letting her know that you know about drug use in the house and that you're considering her safety.

[Guest_tigerdog_*]

I agree with some of the advice, except if I didn't let my child go to a house where there was drug use (ie. marijuana), they wouldn't be allowed anywhere! (3 of their aunts smoke dope). I did make the decision though since my DP died that I didn't want it at my house and I still had one aunt be taken aback when I told her I'd disposed of his bong (she'd brought some with her to smoke at my place that day) - I've explained to everyone that as he's no longer there I have no reason to have it at my home anymore as I want to minimise my children's exposure to it (it was an ongoing battle with myself and DP re. him giving it up and cutting back on having mates around drinking almost every day after work).

I don't see that I can tell my kids they can never go to stay with cousins and of course I'd prefer they weren't around it at all (I fear them getting to the point where it becomes normalised and strongly disagree with how people teach their kids that they are just having a 'smoke'). But all I see that I can do is teach my children that this is something we don't want around us and it isn't something we are going to have happening at our home.

I agree with some of the advice, except if I didn't let my child go to a house where there was drug use (ie. marijuana), they wouldn't be allowed anywhere! (3 of their aunts smoke dope). I did make the decision though since my DP died that I didn't want it at my house and I still had one aunt be taken aback when I told her I'd disposed of his bong (she'd brought some with her to smoke at my place that day) - I've explained to everyone that as he's no longer there I have no reason to have it at my home anymore as I want to minimise my children's exposure to it (it was an ongoing battle with myself and DP re. him giving it up and cutting back on having mates around drinking almost every day after work).

I don't see that I can tell my kids they can never go to stay with cousins and of course I'd prefer they weren't around it at all (I fear them getting to the point where it becomes normalised and strongly disagree with how people teach their kids that they are just having a 'smoke'). But all I see that I can do is teach my children that this is something we don't want around us and it isn't something we are going to have happening at our home.

[wombat]

I wouldn't allow my DD to spend time in a house with Drug use.
However, it's not the child's fault so would definitely allow the friendship, but insist on her coming to your place always.

I think this is excellent advice. I don't really care what people do in their own homes, but I certainly wouldn't like drugs/alcohol use around my 13 year old, and there is always a possibility of her being exposed to drug use at that house by the sound of it.

[Guest_tigerdog_*]

I agree with some of the advice, except if I didn't let my child go to a house where there was drug use (ie. marijuana), they wouldn't be allowed anywhere! (3 of their aunts smoke dope). I did make the decision though since my DP died that I didn't want it at my house and I still had one aunt be taken aback when I told her I'd disposed of his bong (she'd brought some with her to smoke at my place that day) - I've explained to everyone that as he's no longer there I have no reason to have it at my home anymore as I want to minimise my children's exposure to it (it was an ongoing battle with myself and DP re. him giving it up and cutting back on having mates around drinking almost every day after work).

I don't see that I can tell my kids they can never go to stay with cousins and of course I'd prefer they weren't around it at all (I fear them getting to the point where it becomes normalised and strongly disagree with how people teach their kids that they are just having a 'smoke'). But all I see that I can do is teach my children that this is something we don't want around us and it isn't something we are going to have happening at our home.


This post has been edited by tigerdog: 23/02/2012, 02:32 PM

[Guest_tigerdog_*]

double post.

This post has been edited by tigerdog: 23/02/2012, 02:32 PM