[geckosrule]

This has been on my mind a lot lately and I'm looking for people's thoughts......


Background.....

I'm 42.

I'm a paramedic and I do like my lob although the crap that we have to put up with and the stress of the job has been getting to me lately. As much as I do love my job there are aspects of my job I hate.....never finishing on time, mismanagement, the abuse from the very people we are here to help, the misuse of our service....we are not a taxi! , the cost cutting corner cutting attitude of the powers that be that directly effect our ability to provide an effective world class emergency service, the attitude that we are simply a transport service that panders to hospitals. I love the actual jumping in the ambulance and going to genuine emergencies....the job satisfaction is amazing......I love being able to make a difference in someone's life, I love helping people, I love it when people look to me as someone professional, caring and compassionalte person.....that feeling is what gets me out of bed and to my job. It's the other crap that's wearing me down.

DP and I have also gone through a long journey of infertility which has left us childless....not by choice. EB has been my rock over the last year and I love this place.....don't think I'll ever leave! The diversity of the people who post here amazes me. Every day I struggle with being a childless woman. Unfortunately, the world I live in is a child focussed world and being childless feels like I have leprosy sometimes. Hi feel on the outer ost of the time. Nearly every person I know has a child and the one who don't are young and haven't met their life partner yet and they will probably have children too. The closest people I know who mayhaveske idea of what I going through have two children both by IVF.....so they know the struggle of it not happening naturally. But in the end they are now parents so they are members of that club I just can't gain entrance to......parenthood!

So my point of this post....if you are still following me....

It sounds strange but you would think that I would have the opposite reaction but I wonder if I'm not destined to have a child of my own, maybe my destiny lies elsewhere. I have developed more of an interest in pediatrics, pregnancy and midwife! Bizarre or what! You would think that I would be running a mile frim that stuff.........

I have been googling midwifery courses quite a bit and the more I read about it the more I want to know.......could midwifery be my life's path? So I wonder?

Could an infertile woman be a midwife?

Would you be comfortable with me as your midwife?

Do you have to have been through childbirth to be a midwife?


Yes, I know there a male midwifves out there but of course, it is a given that they have never gone through childbirth but is the same expectation out therefor a woman?


So, WDYT?

Could an ex-Paramedic who is 42 years old with no children of her own and was unable to have any, be a midwife?

[Eirinn]

I think you are a very caring, brave woman to consider following a career in midwifery when you have struggled with infertility. If that sounds mean, it's not meant to be.

I too, want to be a midwife, but I feel like an imposter when I have only had two caesareans myself. I told this to an independent midwife, and she said I was being ridiculous. She said the most important quality in a midwife is compassion, and that quality has nothing to do with whether or not you have had a natural birth. She said some of the best midwives she had worked with were childless women. Conversely, she had met plenty of horrible midwives that had given birth, but still had no empathy for a birthing woman.

Her words gave me hope, so I pass them on to you.

[Pupalumps]

Yes I think you can be. I wouldn't give two hoots about you being childless.

[~*KnM*~]

geckosrule,

I believe that given your story, you would make an awesome midwife. Even though you might not have experienced labour first hand, I am pretty sure that you will come to understand.

I don't think that just because you havent had any children, doesnt mean that you cant be the perfect midwife.

So good luck

xxxx

[PippityRoo]

Of course I'd be happy for a childless woman to be my midwife. All that matters is they show love & compassion towards their patients, and know how to do their job properly.

I don't think you have had to be through childbirth to be a midwife. There are plenty of students/younger midwives that start out without children, I wouldn't treat an older childless/infertile one any differently.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

[deejie]

Having children is not a prerequisite of being a midwife. There are plenty of midwives working who don't have children (young for example). There are male midwives.

From your previous posts, you obviously have compassion for your work and genuine empathy for the people in your care. For me, these are two of the most important qualities in a midwife.

[Phascogale]

There and many, many wonderful compassionate midwives who don't have children. How many by choice and how many by circumstance I'm not sure. So having kids is definitely not a pre requisite.

Of course I would be comfortable with having you as my midwife. The midwife that caught my first didn't have any kids and she was wonderful. Also when I had my third there was a young midwife (mid 20's) on the postnatal ward who didn't have any kids either and she was awesome - I remember she really knew how to talk to my older kids.

One hard part may be when the women ask you how many kids you have (you may want a prepared answer (whether true or not) for this question or talk about your friends kids/nieces/nephews as your own). You don't need to tell anyone that the reason you haven't got any kids are because you weren't able to.

The other thing is that every ones birth experience is different so it really doesn't matter what you went through when you gave birth. It's about the woman having the baby, not what you went through and you need to adapt your practice to give her the experience she wants, not what you think she should be doing because it was what you did. So from this perspective you don't need to have gone through birth yourself to be a midwife.

[Guest_BessMarvin_*]

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This post has been edited by BessMarvin: 12/04/2012, 03:20 PM

[Etcetera]

Would seeing others become parents get to you when you cannot have that?
That would be my biggest concern for you.

You definitely don't have to have had kids to be a good midwife.
I had a midwife with both my boys. With my first, I loved her, she was my favorite. We really clicked, she was supportive and didn't make assumptions. She had no kids.
With DS2, she had had a baby and she and changed. She wasn't so supportive and more 'just get on with it'. I think she was a better midwife before she had kids!

Your experience would be incredibly valuable and I'm sure there is a lot of satisfaction bringing children into the world every day.

[~Delilah~]

Of course you can. Absolutely. Go for it.

I think you might battle with your infertility demons from time to time. I have children but have always wanted more. When I was feeling low, I struggled with my envy. I spoke to other midwives and they experienced it as well so not just me, which is oddly comforting.