[VintageEyes]

Soo...how do I put this nicely? DH is wonderfully supportive and loves to be involved and hands on.

Trouble is despite his good intentions he is not the best under pressure. I need someone at the birth who I can trust to speak to the midwives/ob on my behalf so I can concentrate on getting through the contractions. And someone to help me get into good positions, massage etc. And once the baby is born someone to tell him to go home and get some sleep in a decent bed because he is no use to me if he is sleep deprived and unable to think straight.

I don't want my Mum there either because they she comes across as critical and negative (even if that is not her intention).

Is a Doula the type of person I am looking for? And if so, how do I introduce the idea to DH without offending him?

[amabanana]

Having a doula is wondeful. I highly recommend it.

How to put it to DH: If the labour is long he will need to go to the toilet, have a meal etc and you would still like someone to stay with you. The doula can also be there in the background to do all those little things like turn the music on while he is rubbing your back, get the heat pack ready etc etc. A doula can help to position you, for example if you have your arms around DH's neck, she can hold the warm shower on your back. If you need to raise your legs he can hold one while the doula holds the other. She can explain medical procedures if he is unsure. My DH was unsure but sooo thankful in the end that we had a doula.

Doulas are awesome!

[Guest_Nyz31_*]

I didn't have a doula but as we had a homebirth, we had a midwife. To cut a long story short, because baby came early, husband was running around getting everything ready so unfortunately I only really saw him when I was pushing. My midwife was the one occasionally rubbing my back and whispering the encouraging words. This time around, if for some reason we transfer to hospital, my midwife will effectively become my support, as well as my husband. So I think having that bit of calming support is a beneficial thing.
My mother made it very clear she didn't want to be around while I (or my sister) was giving birth, as she said it would be very hard to see her daughter(s) going through the pain that she remembers so well and unable to help. I totally appreciate that now, it's hard enough watching a stranger on tv give birth, let alone your own flesh and blood. My brother-in-law said watching my sister go through labour was the hardest thing he's ever had to experience. So if your husband isn't great is tense situations (though he may just surprise you:)) it sounds like a doula would be a comfort to you during a very important time.

[VintageEyes]

So if your husband isn't great is tense situations (though he may just surprise you:))

I should add I am basing this on DS's birth! I need someone I can rely on without having to look after them as well!

[nen-c]

I had a doula for my first, was great to have someone to help with everything and it meant DH could go to the car or toilet or whatever and someone was still there to talk/massage through contractions. I definitely want one for my next birth too.

[kelly77]

I had a doula with my third birth and it was great. She spoke with the midwives and conveyed my wishes while DH concentrated on helping me cope.

http://blogs.babble.com/being-pregnant/201...o-hire-a-doula/

[VintageEyes]

Well I bought up the idea with DH last night and he's all for it!

Now to try and find someone as no-one I know has used a doula. We are semi-rural so hopefully we can find someone willing to travel to our place...

[xarley]

Well I bought up the idea with DH last night and he's all for it!

Now to try and find someone as no-one I know has used a doula. We are semi-rural so hopefully we can find someone willing to travel to our place...

We had a student nurse that we met through out birthing centre act as a doula. she was fabulous

[PippityRoo]

Having a doula is wondeful. I highly recommend it.

Doulas are awesome!

I agree 100%!!

I had one at DS birth, and she was amazing She was IN the shower with me at one stage.

I'm hoping to get one for the birth of #4, as it's always great to have that extra support.

You can post over in the student Doula/Midwife thread to see if anyone in your area could help you.

ETA, you can also try here - http://doulamatch.net/

& here - http://www.findadoula.com/find.php - There are a few listed in SA.

This post has been edited by PippityPip: 23/02/2012, 10:39 AM

[TwiceTheWoman]

In my experience, many husbands are rather lost and don't cope so well at first births - they need schooling about the realities of labour and clear directions as to how to help as they can sometimes go into 'shock' with the power of what they're witnessing; IME, the husbands tend to improve as they go along with each birth.
Good luck with your next baby OP, whether you have a doula or a midwife, I wish you a joyous birth!

This post has been edited by TwiceTheWoman: 23/02/2012, 07:53 PM