[Swahili]

When my father died, the surreal feeling lasted for a few months. Then grief kicked in and for me, lasted a long time. It never truly goes away, the pain and loss remain at your core, but you do learn to build a life up around that core and the rawness dissolves a little.

Be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. Have no expectations of what you 'should' be doing or feeling. There are no shoulds in grief. Everyone deals with it differently.

[Chasing daisies]

I just can not imagine how you are feeling
When my friend lost her DH it wasnt until the funeral that she actually believed he was gone.
Take care

This post has been edited by Chasing daisies: 13/02/2012, 06:36 AM

[Therese]

Liz, you and your children are in my thoughts.

[katieface84]

Liz I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother died 3 weeks ago and I don't think it has hit me properly yet. I have had a few cries, but I'm a bit nervous for the emotion still to come.

Take care of yourself, I hope we both have the strength to get through the hard times x

[ChickenRose]

When the police, who had just told me about the accident, did a u-turn at the end of the street and came back. I knew then that they'd obviously got a call from the hospital and that it wasn't good news.

It took a lot of other people several weeks for it to really hit home. Sometimes it takes a while for the shock to move into grief, and I don't think that you can start to heal until you grieve.

[missfrizzle]

I think it's different for everyone. I can't imagine what it is like to lose someone that close to you. I lost an aunty to suicide 4yrs ago. It still seems surreal.

I'm so sorry for your loss PBQ

[HollyOllyOxenfre...]

I haven't lost a partner, but I've lost my father, uncle, grandfather and most recently MIL. It takes quite a while to adjust. My DH is still adjusting to losing his Mum (she passed 15 months ago), and I think for both of us it took a good six months until we got used to her not being at her house.

Grief is a long process, and there's nothing you can do to rush it unfortunately. DH is really only now properly dealing with the grief over his Mum because he spent a long time trying to ignore it and bottle it up. The only thing I can recommend is to deal with it as it comes and (as much as is practical) not bottle it up. I know with your kids it will be harder, but you need to allow yourself time to grieve too.

I hope you're coping ok - I honestly can't imagine what you're going through. PM me if you need to talk - I know you don't know me, but sometimes talking to a stranger can help

[.MrsM.]

when my dh lost his father, it was probably a year before he could speak of him. it was harder as he worked away on the mines and it felt for a long time like he was just away working and would be back soon. it was a accident while working so it was very sudden and unexpected.

im very sorry you are going through this OP xxx

[Pooks*potters]

For me I sort of fluctuated between it feeling so surreal, and just missing my Dad so much it hurt (which brought the reality home). I think it really varies for everyone. But the feeling of it being surreal is quite normal even for quite some time (in my case, 5 years on I still sometimes feel breathless at the finality of it all). I guess it 'hits you' at different times, it can come and go.

It's amazing how our bodies and minds try to protect us in the midst of the pain and trauma.

Basically, everyone's grief journey is completely different.

All my best, PBQ.

[ZombieMum]

It's a strange feeling, isn't it.


I lost my dad when I was a teenager, and we knew he was dying - I think that also impacted on the surreal feelings - because he required care at home for a number of months. I think I had partly grieved whilst he was still alive. It was touch and go a few times, in the weeks leading up to his final breath - and that also affected how I felt. When he finally passed, it was like a relief - in that we weren't waking up each morning, wondering if it was to be his last. We had a type of closure, in a way.

I remember a week after he had passed away, it seemed like it had happened an eternity ago. Yet it also felt like it had just happened. I remember I had exams a month or so later, and thinking that I had no right to ask for special consideration - because it was a month, so it wasn't like it was yesterday.

The 'firsts' after his death, were strange - I remember Christmas, 7 months after he had passed, and half expecting him to come out in the morning to watch us open our gifts. The Christmas pudding - when each year he pretended to choke on money - was something I realised I had actually enjoyed. It was weird that he wasn't sitting at the table, doing his annual performance. My brother gave it a go, but it wasn't the same.

I guess it was like a strange time warp - at times, it felt like it was ages ago, yet other times it felt like it had just happened.