[StudyMuffin]

Shelby - Fingers are crossed for a good result for you in two weeks. Dows sound like 'o' pain. I usually get 'o' pain worse than AF pain. Sounds similiar to what you've described.

Raffi - Can you test? It's awful when your emotional Happens to me a lot. Would be nice if you fell right before having to start IVF. I hear you with uni, I'm in exactly the same position at the moment plus my boss has decided to go to war with a couple of customers which doesn't exactly make my job any easier. My house has reached a new level of feral too.

Pram discussion is pretty lost on me haha just not something I really got into. I did go into a baby store on the weekend though to get a new car seat for DS as he's grown out of his current one. So many cute products, so many waddling mummies or mummies holding new newborns *sigh*

AF is still missing. Last one I had was boxing day! This is the longest wait I've had in years. Will do hpt in morning just to make sure but I think it's just my body being uncooperative as usual. Fustrating.

[bokbok]

Well it's all over for this month - AF started coming this morning and is getting more.
Knew it was too good to be true...so onto IVF for us. Was quite upset this morning but just kind of feel numb and tired this afternoon after a full on day at work.

I really hope iVF works as not sure how much disappointment I can take.

[StudyMuffin]

Sending virtual hugs your way Raffi

Put your feet up, have some wine and allow yourself a couple of days of being miserable. IVF will increase your chances in getting a BFP. x

[HaleyW]

Raffi - so sorry hun, I was also hoping you wouldn't need to take the IVF path but rest assured that the thought of it is much worse than the reality. Having to TTC for years is 10x worse in my opinion both physically and mentally. So you're well prepared for the journey. I'm not saying it's easy - in fact in my case I had to go through IVF success, miscarriage and then second IVF but look how it's turned out now for us. We're almost 11 weeks and so far so good!

Sending you the best sticky vibes for your IVF and hoping like crazy it all happens very quickly for you!

Study Muffin - my fingers are crossed for you!

As they are for all you girls.

I have my first Ob visit tmw so very scared again about the 'scan'. But we'll see, will let you know.

Take care all.
H x

[Goldie Belle]

Hi Ladies,

Guess none of us had good news lately. I had my 21 day bloods done, then my 1st day AF 3 days later.

Results showed FSH 8 so GP sent me straight to FS (no point in messing rnd!) app is at the end of the month.

Everything else seems fine.

I am so sorry I haven't read everyone elses replies to date. I skimmed through and saw we were all in the same boat!

I do apologize for being quiet but I do get a bit sad rnd this time, every 23 days!

Good luck girls! I'm praying for all of you! xxx

I will read the feed now that I have replied and speak soon xxx

[Bellefin]

Goldie Belle Everyone's allowed a pity party on CD1. FSH 8...mine was 22 this cycle, Dr didn't seem too bothered, she said it fluctuates. I have totally googled FSH to death. Women get pregnant all the time with high FSH even up to the 90s. At least you have your FS appointment to look forward to now.

Haley You said the thought of IVF is worse than the reality. That's what I need to hear! Thanks. Don't know you but so glad you got a BFP

Studymuffin I know how you feel about newborn babies. But I am beginning to wonder if they had to go through years of infertility hell for that baby. That makes me feel a bit better. I just found out a friend of a friend that I see at big social gatherings had 9 rounds of IVF to get her baby. I had no idea cos he's just a fat squishy baby like everyone else's.

Raffi Oh no CD1 well it only gets easier from here. I'll be joining you for IVF. I have been having loads of IPS too from the progesterone and got a BFN this morning (11dpo). I had clomid so definitely had eggs (5 of them), a trigger shot so def ovulated and DTD the night before Oing the next morning. Got loads of spermies right up there, slept with a pillow under my hips, and still nothing. I've been in tears on and off most of the day too, I think it's the BFN disappointment + the progesterone they have me on. I am out of control today, looking forward to going to bed! You're in Perth I think? I'm in the northern suburbs, close to the beach.

AFM BFN despite IPS galore...really sore (.)(.) for 2-3 days, road map veins and a chart identical to DDs pregnancy chart. It's all the progesterone pessaries, evil evil things. I belted the cat the other day, I scream at DD and today I just cried and cried. Not like me at all. I went to the Dr. She said she is surprised how low my AMH is for my age/history. She said my best option is IVF. I also had a pelvic ultrasound last week and she said today that I have a large haemorrhagic cyst on one ovary, whatever that is. So I have to wait this cycle then one more to see if it goes away else I have to have it removed, then I can begin IVF. Just like that.
I know this is going to consume my life until I get my baby so I just want to do it so I can have my 2 babies and get on with enjoying my life. My sister says they are selling a product so of course they recommend it, but what else can I do? I probably will get pregnant one day if I don't do IVF but I can't handle years of this and I might not get pregnant, decide I want to do IVF and my egg count is 1/4 of what it is now.

DH tells me about what happened at work and all I can think is: I can't have a baby, my ovaries are dried up, I can't get a little brother/sister for DD, I will never feel a baby squirming in my tummy again, what did I ever do to deserve this? Over and over again.

He just doesn't get I literally can't think about anything else. Does this happen to you guys? I just can't shut it out.

[Shellby]

Golden Belle - a FSH of 8 in your LP (as you got your AF a few days later) is normal - anything between 2-13 in your second part of your cycle is normal. You would be worried if it was over 20 as that would mean your looking at early menopause, so don't know why the GP was so worried with a FSH of 8. Even 8 at any part of your cycle falls within limits.

Here are my labs numbers for FSH

Follicular - 4-13
Mid Cycle - 5-22
Luteal - 2-13

Raffi - Sorry AF arrived. At least now you can feel more active in this next step and know you have a really good chance of a BFP.

Bellefin - I use to feel that way - everything was about another baby. I was upset if someone said they were pregnant, all I thought of was baby and got very down when I got my AF. After 2 years I started to get over it, but for nearly 8-10 months I was very angry etc. So its normal.

Nothing to report here, yep I did ovulate, either when I had those cramps on Monday, or at least by Tuesday as I have the freq. toilet trips I get every LP already started. We def. covered the time (heck we actually BD more now than when we were TTC, must be because we want to do it and for fun not because the clinic told us and I have to record it for them.) Now its a wait a see. I'm thinking though of starting B6, as I never tried that with my LP and what can it hurt I guess.

[bokbok]

Raffi Oh no CD1 well it only gets easier from here. I'll be joining you for IVF. I have been having loads of IPS too from the progesterone and got a BFN this morning (11dpo). I had clomid so definitely had eggs (5 of them), a trigger shot so def ovulated and DTD the night before Oing the next morning. Got loads of spermies right up there, slept with a pillow under my hips, and still nothing. I've been in tears on and off most of the day too, I think it's the BFN disappointment + the progesterone they have me on. I am out of control today, looking forward to going to bed! You're in Perth I think? I'm in the northern suburbs, close to the beach.

AFM BFN despite IPS galore...really sore (.)(.) for 2-3 days, road map veins and a chart identical to DDs pregnancy chart. It's all the progesterone pessaries, evil evil things. I belted the cat the other day, I scream at DD and today I just cried and cried. Not like me at all. I went to the Dr. She said she is surprised how low my AMH is for my age/history. She said my best option is IVF. I also had a pelvic ultrasound last week and she said today that I have a large haemorrhagic cyst on one ovary, whatever that is. So I have to wait this cycle then one more to see if it goes away else I have to have it removed, then I can begin IVF. Just like that.
I know this is going to consume my life until I get my baby so I just want to do it so I can have my 2 babies and get on with enjoying my life. My sister says they are selling a product so of course they recommend it, but what else can I do? I probably will get pregnant one day if I don't do IVF but I can't handle years of this and I might not get pregnant, decide I want to do IVF and my egg count is 1/4 of what it is now.

DH tells me about what happened at work and all I can think is: I can't have a baby, my ovaries are dried up, I can't get a little brother/sister for DD, I will never feel a baby squirming in my tummy again, what did I ever do to deserve this? Over and over again.

He just doesn't get I literally can't think about anything else. Does this happen to you guys? I just can't shut it out.

OMG YES!! I know exactly where you are coming from...my life is just being consumed about having a baby too...it hurts so much to see pregnant women and at the moment I am literally seeing them everywhere I turn...be it at work, the shops, school anywhere! I just feel so much like I am being left behind and like you, that is all I can think about...DH just seems to get on with his day, his week - his life and yet here I am stuck thinking another month with no baby - how can he just get on with things so easily? I was so upset on Tuesday morning and when he got up and came down and asked what was wrong he just said "see this is why it is not happening - because you are stressing too much and getting upset" WELL...that just made me so much worse and he just doesn't get it that, that is not the problem and that if I relax it will just happen - cos it won't! I haven't spoken to him properly for the last few days as I am still hurt and upset and have tried to explain but he seriously just.does.not.get it.

I too think those thoughts about the 'firsts' and that upsets me too...I loved being pregnant, I love being a Mum and at the moment it is all I want to do...I think that is why I am finding work boring and uni study a real struggle because I don't want to be doing any of that - I just want to be at home being a Mum to my 2 kids...DD is at school and I feel like she doesn't even hardly need me anymore. I just have so much more love to give to another child and it is so unfair I am not getting that chance.

I am trying to muster myself and be positive for IVF but to be truthful I am scared to death! I am most scared about it being a failure...and then what? My dream really is all over. I feel like I am in limbo and just want to get on with my life without worrying about if I will be lucky enough to have another child - I never imagined a second would be this hard.

Sorry I have gone on but Bellefin - wow you just so are on the same thoughts and feelings as me! Yes I am in Perth too - south of river near the hills.

Shelby - good luck for this month hun - I hope your TWW brings good news!

Dark Passenger - thanks hun - me too!!

HaleyW - yes interested in how your OB appt went?

*hugs to all*

[StudyMuffin]

I am most scared about it being a failure...and then what? My dream really is all over. I feel like I am in limbo and just want to get on with my life without worrying about if I will be lucky enough to have another child - I never imagined a second would be this hard.

That's me .... what if nothing the FS does works

Bellefin - I'm in Perth North East.

Two weeks today FS appointment! Maybe she can decipher why I haven't had AF since boxing day!

[HaleyW]

Hi girls,

Bellefin - your feelings are so normal. I was a complete wreck and watching others get pregnant and have their babies is torture. All I could do during those awful months/years was to imagine myself pregnant one day and try to keep hoping. It is all-consuming and Im sure we're much stronger for having endured it in the end. It's the toughest thing I've ever been through.

Raffi - So sorry for how you're feeling - I've been there so I know it's absolutely terrifying to wonder 'what if'? And my DH didn't really get it either - it's not their bodies. We're so much more invested in the TTC process. Good luck, thinking of you.

Shelby - good luck to you too with the B trial this time.

Study Muffin - all the best for a smooth FS appointment and some answers - hopefully it's an easy fix for you!

Dark Passenger & Raffi - thanks for your concern! I'm not sleeping very well at the moment, even though all scans are saying everything's great. I had my first Ob appointment yesterday and measuring 11 weeks so right on track and hb of 179. So everything looking good. However, my blood pressure is through the roof because I'm a nervous wreck about this pregnancy and I guess just all the stress leading up to conception has left me with depression/anxiety that I just can't seem to shake yet. I think the Ob understands as he has my history but I do feel so silly that I just can't relax and be normal and finally enjoy this! I know my former pre-pregnancy self would say be grateful, relax ... this is amazing, a miracle. But my mind is still racing.

Dark Passenger - How are you going? Must be very close now? I remember you said you were also very stressed with your pregnancy - when did you start to feel better and more relaxed? I'm still a bit of a mess! Lol!

Good luck and take care all!