[Gixxie]

Its with great joy and sadness that im struggling to write this...

my little girl Anita Mary was born on the 31st Jan 2012 at 7:10am weighing 380grams at 21weeks and 1 day.
She died an hour later in my arms!

she is so perfect! long little fingers like her mum!

Im taking her to my home town to bury her with my sister and dad and her aunt mary who was a still born too.

the nurses at the hospital have been so amazing and im so thankful that i have had them by my side all the way... and my mum was able to be up here to be able to say hello and goodbye.

my partner... well.. i think best not to go there, but when push came to shove he wasnt there when i needed him the most. i just dont know what to do. i think we all cope with grief differently but i think my grief is just going to turn to anger and hatred towards him.. and that is not going to be good.

thankyou to everyone who had my little one in their thoughts and prayers! it means so much to me!

sorry for rambling and im not sure if i should be writing this in the due in june. but her edd was the 12th of June and i know you would all be worried if i didnt say anything at all!

[wallofdodo]

I am not a member of this group, however, congratulations on the birth of your little girl, I am so sorry she couldn't stay.

[Guest_Starletta_*]

I don't belong here op but had to reply. I'm so sorry you lost your little girl.

Anita Mary is a beautiful name.

Look after yourself Xx

[MrsWidget]

Oh gixxergal I am so sorry that Anita Mary was born too soon. Such a beautiful name. I'm so glad you can take her home to be with family.

The early months are tough (I've been there). Surround yourself with supportive people. SIDS and Kids and SANDS both offer support. There is also an organization called Heartfelt who can take professional photos of your daughter for you.

I'm sorry your partner isn't there for you. That must be hard.

If there us anything I can do, anything at all, please PM me.

Sophie xo

[frogneek]

I'm so sorry to hear of your tragic loss.

[LeoMonkey]

Oh Hun sending you the biggest hugs....another beautiful angel baby, too good for this world.

I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine what you are going through right now. Please do not feel you can't post here, we are all here to give you whatever support you need.
Am sorry to here that your partner has not been very supportive but am happy you have some family there for you & the nurses have been supportive at this tough time.

If you need to chat please feel free to PM me.

[Alvarywinters]

Oh hun I am so sorry! I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel

I am gutted for you...you have been in our thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.

Thank you for letting us know, I'm so sorry it was not good news

[rubylilysmum]

I am so sorry your beautiful Anita May has joined all our angels in heaven.
I am sorry your partner is not showing his support to you when you need it the most but men unfortunately show their grief diffently than us and might not be handle his grief but it doesn't mean he is not grieving the loss his daughter he mioght not be able to show his grief to you so he is dhying away from you.
There is a lot of suport in the stillbirth section for you to join us in when you are ready.
I have made a age in facebook so songs and poems to help in organsising the funeral if you are interested.
Thinking of you
Mandy

[MickeyBoo]

You have been in my thoughts daily for the past few weeks and I've been hoping that you were ok and that your little girl was holding on, I am so very sorry to hear that your little Anita has passed away.

I'm sorry that your partner is not being supportive, but I'm glad to hear that you have some good family support. There's been some really good suggestions here for help if things get too hard.

I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now and what you are going through, but I am sending some hugs your way, thank you for updating us and letting us know, and we are all here for you if you need us.

Mic

[bec2509]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel regarding your partner. Mine too did the same thing when we lost our first child, my darling little Melanie Jade at 41 weeks. I was so lost and just felt totally alone, more so given the fact that my partners identical twin brother and his partner were due with their 2nd child approx 3 weeks after my loss. Needless to say when my nephew was born i felt worse than ever, my partner (now my husband) and I had a lot of issues due to his lack of being there for me. I felt and still do (now 5 years later) that I did have to deal with my grief alone, even the hospital was not a great help, they sent me home with an envelope of pamphlets and that was about it.

10 days after having my daughter (it was now my birthday!) and my partners 1st day back at work was the hardest day but i sat at my kitchen table in tears and called SIDS and Kids, OMG what a weight I felt list off my shoulders just having someone on the other end of the phone that I could just "let it all out" to. I had regular contact with the same person from SIDS and I really cannot describe just how valuable he was in that dark time.

I have unfortunately become aware that my husband isolating himself from me at a time of grief is his way of working through his emotions. It happened again almost 12 months ago when we had a missed miscarriage and I had to go in for a D&C. Its not an easy thing to go through especially if you feel you are having to do it alone but know that there are people out there to help you and people who don't know you that know exactly what you are going through (like myself).

If you wish to speak further I would be more than happy to try and help through this most tough time. If you would like to PM me please don't hesitate, I know only too well exactly where your emotions will be right now and it is a very tough time, and it really is only time that will help you to through. I still have up and down days about my little girl and it breaks my heart when my son (5yrs old in Aug) says to to Mummy I miss Melanie, as all I can say to him is I miss her too sweetie.

I know it is hard but try to stay strong. Thinking of you and hope you are able to find the best way for you to deal with your grief.

Once again if needed, please PM me.