[unhappyjan]

Sorry to invade the "dad space" I have posted in the relationships section but I need a little bit of a man's POV.

DH had an affair, confessed and said he would do whatever it takes to make up for it.
Counselling, talking to each other, time just us etc...

The woman was a co worker, interstate so actual contact was minimal. He says it was the thrill of doing something he shouldn't, she wasn't great neither was the sex. " as exciting s having a w**k".

We have been together for the best part of 20 years. Is he telling me the truth or just what I want to hear?

TIA

[EoinCuinn]

Before we had kids, I always thought "If this happens to me, that's it, ya out!"

Now I'm not so sure. If my wife cheated on me, I think the circumstances of it occurring might have some bearing on my reaction

I'm curious as to why he came clean to you. Was he in danger of being caught out, or you finding out, or was there genuine regret there? I think that would be as telling as anything, because if he came clean on his own violation then the rest of the tale would hold more weight. If it's because you were going to find out anyway...

If you trust him, which considering what has happened would be hard now I would think, then you have to take him at his word. He's came to you about the affair, so the rest could well be true.

From a blokes perspective, if I cheated on my wife, I dunno. Depends on whether it as a once off, fling sort of thing, or an outright emotional affair, as far as "coming clean" went.

Hope that helps.

Dan

[unhappyjan]

Thanks for your reply,

I always was in the, "i'm outta here camp too! Until it happened to me. That is why i am having such a hard time with this, because I didn't do what I always said I would. My counsellor is really helping me with those type if things but it is a long road.


He came clean because he had to before I found out from her husband, although he admits he wanted to tell me many times, he just didn't have the balls. He does regret it, he's ashamed and disgusted by what he's done, so he says. I do believe him when he says that.

I don't trust him! Mabye one day I can, I guess if we can move on there will always be a part of me that will wonder. It's all on me really, can i judge him by this one huge mistake and realise that he's human and we all make mistakes. Not all of them this big though!


It wasn't a fling as much as he thought of her as a friend. To being with it was all talk but then he was sent interstate for work and he said then he felt like " oh crap" and had to follow through. No excuses! He is a grown man and no one made him do anything.

Sometimes I still find it hard to believe whats happened.


Thanks again, sorry to ramble. Thank God i've got a counsellor to help me.