[mumandboys]

Hi everyone,

Although I'm not sure I belong in here as my BF days are over now, I thought I would share my experiences with BF, which have been mixed.

I gave up BF my 4th son after 5 weeks of pain and frustration.

After successfully feeding 3 previous children, and knowing DS4 was my last, it was extremely upsetting and difficult to make the decision to stop trying.

I copped alot of judgement from people who thought that I must be too lazy to feed my 4th. Not having had any real issues with feeding before, I was surprised and very disappointed that I couldn't feed him. For me it was all about the nipples, they were shredded by the end, and even moving was painful. I couldn't stand the thought of feeding him, which is horrible in itself.

I tried to express but by that time, even expressing was excruciating and as we all know with a newborn, there's hardly any time to give your body a rest between feeds.

After switching to formula life went back to normal and my family and I were able to get on with enjoying our newborn.

I think this thread is a great idea!

[AvadaKedavra]

As a 'failed' breastfeeder, I think this forum is great. I was told repeatedly after DS was born that I was clearly a 'natural' at breastfeeding because he just latched on and off he went. I had grazed and cracked nipples within days but multiple midwives and LCs kept saying that was 'normal' and to press on. My nipples got so grazed they scabbed over and I had to pick the scabs off so milk would flow - apparently this would 'get better with time. I hated DS. I hated holding him, I dreaded when he would get hungry because the pain was toe curlingly awful. I called my MCHN who said to put lanolin and silicone pads on them. It didn't help. I called the ABA and was told not to use nipple shields under any circumstance as it would cause 'nipple confusion'. I was lectured about the benefits of breastfeeding and told if I just tried hard enough, it would work, and it would help me bond with my baby. I called my MCHN again who told me to express then feed EBM until my nipples healed. I did, doubling the time it took to feed DS. My nipples healed. I went to see an LCD to start over with healed nipples. She told me my attachment was 'perfect'. Two days later they were cracked and toe curlingly painful.

At four weeks, DH found me on the floor, sobbing in pain as I tried to feed DS. 'I wish we never had him, I hate him' I sobbed. DH took him away. I told him not to, DS was still hungry. He told me to be quiet and go have a shower, and he'd sort it out. Half an hour later, I came down from my shower to find my angelic husband had went and bought a tin of formula, sterilised some bottles and fed DS who was blissfully falling asleep. That was the end of breastfeeding for me, and the start of my actually liking and bonding with my baby. People have flamed my husband for 'ruining' my breastfeeding relationship. He didn't; I had no breastfeeding 'relationship', I had this thing that I despised that no one else had given me any solution to. I needed my husband to give me permission to stop torturing myself, and I'm grateful he did.

I'd like to feed my next baby due in two weeks. I've done my research and gone to classes. I've asked lots of peope lots of questions. I still don't know why I had such issues when multiple experts told me I had 'perfect' attachment. What I have learnt though is that I shouldn't accept 'nothing is wrong' when it clearly is. And that my now 2.5 year old is healthy and happy despite formula. He wasn't more sick, he disn't get eczema, and I haven't gotten breast cancer. Just because I didn't breastfeed him. And my husband has given me an enormous amount of support to try again, but also given me permission to fail again.

I will not judge my ability to be a good mother on my ability to breastfeed, because that's ridiculous.

[*~*MagicHour*~*]

Being a happy mum with a well fed baby is, no matter what the means.

I just had to single that quote out because in essence that is what I need to remind myself of over the coming weeks as I wean my baby off breastfeeding and onto formula because I have been feeding him in pain over the last 5 months. I will be a much happier mum not dreading feeds and wishing they would be over already and my son will still be well fed

Thanks MsN (even though I do know I wasn't your intended audience!)

[CG123]

I've read most of the stories in this thread and I'm now in tears (could be the pregnancy hormones?!). It's so nice to hear that I am not a bad mother for being unable to BF my DS. He is now 20 months and happy, healthy, smart, funny, loving... despite being FF from almost day dot.

So here's my story... I had a trouble free pregnancy with DS. Everything was textbook perfect, apart from a couple of fainting spells (which all funnily enough occurred while attending my doctor visits). I have been a fainter since way back, so wasn't overly alarmed by this.

I was induced on a Friday at 41+2 weeks and was GBS+ so was hooked up to all sorts of medication, which meant an active labour was out of the question. After a 20 hour labour, DS was finally born at 1:52 am. Unfortunately I was given pretty much every intervention known to man, bar having a C-section. During his birth and then again later that morning I hemorrhaged.

Becasue of this I was hooked up to an IV. I felt so weaked and had already started to feel like a failure as a mother, as I couldn't even hold my son without someone supporting me incase my arms gave way and I dropped him. I was bedridden for the majority of my 5 day hospital stay. I could barely walk as my legs were so weak. I cried while my husband changed his first nappy and gave him his first bath. Everytime DS woke we would try him on the breast. He would latch and happily suck. I was showered by a midwife each day and encouraged to try and wee whilst in there. Nothing! Each night I was catherdised and needed the help of a midwife to roll over.

My bloods were taken and the results were not good. Two days after my son was born I was given a blood transfusion, which meant another day lying in bed. The only time I was allowed out of bed was to use the bathroom, not that I was actually able to do anything. That night I was taken to have a bath and once again, encouraged to wee while in there. Nope, nothing! We were putting DS to the breast as often as we could. He was content sucking away, even though he was getting nothing. Each time a midwife came in (which was at least hourly to check my temps), she would ask if my milk had come in. I would always answer, "I don't know" to which they would respond with, "When it comes in you will know".

On Tuesday morning I slowly made my way to the toilet as I did each morning, and again was unsuccessful. I was going insane at this point and wondered if it was all in my head. I remember asking if I needed a psych consult. I was then given a shower and left to get myself dressed. I had been told that I had a hemorrhoid and was asked to apply some cream to the area. When I looked down there I noticed something hanging out of me. To this day I don't really know why, but I touched it and kind of gave it a bit of a pull?!? Within seconds a masiive football sized clot came gushing out!!! I screamed for my husband and pushed the call button. I felt instant relief, and wouldn't you know it... I could wee again. Never in my life would I have thought I would be happy that I had pee running down my leg!!! (and what I thought was the call button, was actually the code blue button. Within seconds I had about twenty hospital staff in my room with the crash cart- staring at half-naked me!)

Needless to say, I felt 100x better, although I was still unable to BF. Turns out my body was too traumatised and never produced milk.

I was the only mother in my mothers' group to FF and always felt really guilty that I had failed to give my son the nutrients that he required. I also felt helpless as the decision had been taken away from me. But in saying that, I honestly don't think our ability to bond was affected at all. And I was thankful that the responsibility to feed DS was not solely on me.

Now here I am pregnant again and scared as hell (but that's for another thread). I hope things go very differentlt this time around and I am able to BF this bub. But if I can't, I def won't beat myself up over it.

If you got this far, thank-you for reading and good luck on your journey

[alyssatahli]

I just wanted to pop in and offer a bit of support. I have a similar story with DD1, despite my best intentions I left hospital bottle feeding and was so disappointed, developed PND etc.

Second baby I successfully breast fed for almost 2 years. Just because you have a bad experience doesn't mean you should feel bad or that you won't have a better one next time.

It's just circumstance and sometimes can't be helped. If you put my girls together now you can't tell which one was breast fed for 2 years and which was only 2 days. In fact my 2 day breast feeder is my mosy healthy now, she's rarely sick and my other DD catches every cold going around.

[BeYOUtiful]

What a great idea for a thread. MsN I related to your story as your beginning with your son was very similar to mine. Poor attachment, cracked bleeding nipples and being told he was attached 'perfectly'. I have also had mastitis 6 times.

My outcome has been a different one, but just wanted to say if you would like any of the tips that helped me for when your new bub arrives feel free to PM me.
All the best

[tiggywinkle]

My DD is now 18months and I BF for three months. Like lots of the PPs, I struggled with a multitude of issues before stopping completely and going to formula. I also felt extremely guilty and felt very sad when I saw other mothers BFing.

I don't know if others found this, but I felt the need to overexplain myself to other mums, to tell my whole story and 'convince them' that I'd done everything I could! Recently, if asked about feeding, I feel more confident to say "I fed for three months" rather than describe every nipple crack to some poor woman I met on the bus!

I think this forum is a great idea , and it's good to have a place to debrief and discuss disappointment or other feelings - without getting advice.

This post has been edited by lucky 2: 31/03/2012, 11:01 PM

[AvadaKedavra]

ETA - thanks jane05, I might. I am quite keen to give it another proper 'go' this time - I have even backed away from buying bottles as a 'just in case', which is something I swore I would do even at the start of this pregnancy! I feel more empowered this time though - I know what issues I had, I've researched why they might have happened, and how to perhaps prevent them. And I have determined I won't be brushed off in hospital - if it's not working it's not working and I won't go home until I have real answers!

This post has been edited by lucky 2: 30/03/2012, 09:46 PM

[Jess1983]

This is a great thread. My DD is 5 weeks old. From the very start BF was painful, I couldn't get her to latch properly no matter how many times the midwives tried to help. When we took her home on day 2 she screamed for hours because she was so hungry and wasn't getting anything from me. I'd been so upset when my dh bought a tin of formula as I was determined to BF but as it turned out I'm glad he did. Once we gave her the formula she was content and slept. I persevered with BF for two more days but my nipples were so sore and cracked that I was dreading every feed and dd was not getting anywhere near enough to drink so we were topping up with formula. I decided to express with a manual pump but that was becoming very tiring and time consuming so I hired an electric pump from the ABA. This worked well for about two weeks but then my supply dropped radically and I had to switch back to manual pumping as the electric pump wasn't getting anything out. To get enough for one feed it was taking three lots of expressing so I started taking motillium but that hasn't worked. I am now in the process of cutting down the number of times I express as I feel it isn't worth the effort I'm putting in. There has been many tears over this and I am so disappointed that BF hasn't been successful but I keep telling myself (and dh does to) that I did the best I could and our dd is a very happy healthy baby so it doesn't matter.I've shed a few tears writing this but it feels good to write it down.Thanks for reading.

[Pooks*potters]

Breastfeeding hasn't worked for me and my baby.

I could write a book about what went wrong. In summary, my determination to BF proves to not be enough- insufficient support at hospital, flat nipples, baby has a tongue issue that makes attachment difficult to the point he was not getting enough milk and loses weight, supply issues, expressing and use of nipple shield fails to result in the ability to feed DS adequately, expressing like crazy as well as the demands of feeding for an hour every 2-3 hours, as well as expressing, and preparing formula etc. as well as trying to function with minimal support results in sleep deprivation and symptoms of depression- comp feeding morphs into mostly formula feeding... And I cry a river. In there somewhere is me seeing LCs 6 times, as well as my GP and maternal health nurse, phone calls to the ABA, nurse on call and maternal child health info line- and the AMAZING support here on EB. In the end, I was told by 2 LCs that DS could NOT be fed enough by BF alone and to just express, express, express... but the amount of EBM kept shrinking and DS kept screaming to be fed all of the time and was so unsettled and my sanity kept sliding away... the people around me became worried about my health and in the end I conceded defeat.

I'm not saying I'm happy with my decision, but DS is a different baby now, probably because feeding is no longer a battle ground and I'm a more engaged mummy, largely because I get more than 2-3 hours sleep in a 24 hour period and I'm not anxious about whether he's getting enough.

In an ideal world I wish I could cope with the demands of expressing breast milk to the point it was enough for him without formula, but in reality it just wasn't a sustainable practice in my circumstance. Also, at each feed feeding him at the breast, then giving him EBM in a bottle, then formula to top up, was just so stressful for a hungry baby and for me as he screamed in between each method of feeding and I struggled under the workload involved.

I really enjoyed the initial breastfeeding that I did get to do with DS before it became evident that he wasn't getting enough from it. But there were also aspects that were so stressful. Like a PP, I feel like I need to apologise and justify myself to every Tom, d*ck and Harry who sees me formula feed DS.

I really appreciate the help that some members here offered me and I feel ashamed to admit on here that it didn't work out.