[Duechristmasday]

Hi all.

I have always struggled with BF my children. My first 4 I BF through all the pain, tears and agony, due to terrible guilt and upset. Wont bother explaining why it has always been so terribly difficult for me, it is not important. I never enjoyed it, even once the pain dissappeared at around the 3 month mark.... I still fed through to well over 12 months for all 4. Errghhhh !

But I decided that with my fifth child I was going to FF and it has been the most wonderful decision I have ever made. i have bonded so much more with this baby, I am enjoying every feed, we are both happy and she is increibly healthy and content.

It took me 5 children to realise that BF is not the be all end all.... I almost wish that I had not gone through all the heartache with the other 4 and had FF from the start. I find that it is so much more intimate than BF, because we are both happy. She gazes at me with every feed, we cuddle and kiss and there IS NO pain associated with it. Whoever says that FF is not intimate and special is delusional.

A happy, healthy relationship between mother and baby is the most important thing. I have no guilt this time around, and am open and honest about why and how I am feeding my baby.

If anyone wants support or advice then feel free to PM me. Dont ever beat yourself up about your personal choices...and NEVER feel ashamed.

This post has been edited by lucky 2: 30/03/2012, 09:52 PM

Reason for edit: removal of offensive term

[lucky 2]

Hi,

It's been a busy day in this thread !

I have removed some posts and edited some responses.

This is not the right thread for giving advice on breast feeding problems, if a member wants advice they are welcome to start a new topic in the forum.
This is also not the thread for divisive discussions on the pros or cons of any feeding method.

I have edited accordingly to keep this thread a safe place for members to share their personal experiences.

Kind regards,

lucky 2
Moderator

[AvadaKedavra]

Thanks lucky2 :-)

[StAr80]

Here another one who hasn't been able to bf my baby! I had any intention to bf my baby and my pregnancy and birth where so wonderful and 'easy', there was no reason for me to assume it wouldn't work! How naive can one be as it turned out to be bloody hard!

From the beginning the latching on was not a problem, she just didn't drink but using me as a pre heated dummy! As simple as that! We have seen three different lactation consultants (including a private one) many times and none could give us the golden tip. When DD got older she got better at drinking and we managed to do one successful bf in the morning till about 6 months and then DD started to refuse. I expressed till 6.5 months and I stopped as I got sick of it and since we found out DD has a temporarily lactose intolerance, I was only expressing for the freezer as we don't know how temporarily it is anyway!

I was shocked how I felt about not being able to bf DD. I felt ashamed, guilty and not a real mum to my baby! I was jealous of those that could. I also found that there is a lot of support to help but not always in a positive way. I.e. the nurse from the hospital that did the first home visit wanted to encourage me to stick with bf but unfortunately her way of doing so made me feel worse about the fact I had to give formula in the end. I hate it when I read things from the ABA where they talk about artificial milk, I hate it when I go to a website of a formula brand I have to read and accept that bm is better for babies. Yes I know that and if I could give it I wouldn't be on this website! I don't give formula by choice, I give it because there is not a lot of alternative to offer my baby!
I cried every time I saw a lactation consultant, a maternal and health nurse or just somebody who asked about how I was and how things were going with DD. I was lucky that I could talk to DH about it and that I have such a great support in my mums group and DIG here on EB, otherwise I think postnatal depression would have been a very realistic scenario for me!

Despite this I look back proudly that I managed what I did and for so long and although I feel sad I didn't work out the way I wanted, I know I did everything I could. My baby's health and happiness is the most important thing and she is happy and healthy and I am enjoying every minute of it!

[francheska]

as for my case, i never really had real milk, i only had few drops of them. then dried up by 6th week. i'll try taking motherlove more milk special blend and see if it will work on me. i hope it will help me relactate as i'm still hoping that i'll be able to breastfeed my baby.

[Goldenblack]

Kind of inspired due to reading elsewhere on the site about someone's mother 'claiming they couldn't breastfeed'.

I could have and decided not to because it was the best thing for my baby. This statement seems to really enrage people including my hospital, huzza! I got told my cracked nipples weren't serious and I 'had to' soldier on and 'had no choice'. I hated breastfeeding so incredibly, massively much that I had resorted to trying not to be in the same room as my baby whenever possible, nor did I in fact feel she was my baby. I hated the way she'd flail and scream at me, I couldn't cope with the every two hour feedings that lasted an hour, I was so shattered I was in shock from how bizarrely and totally my previously optimistic, happy personality had spiraled down into a morass of despair, hatred, and agony.

Breastfeeding completely destroyed my relationship with my child - complicated by a terrifying, horrific birth, massive bloodloss, terrible continuing pain, severe scarring, etc, etc, lots of other things going on. Apparently according to some of my consultants and midwives, it was better to hate my baby (and hate her I absolutely did) and 'soldier on' without the non-baby friendly anti-depressants that my alarmed doctor was recommending than give up on breastfeeding. Even if I actually loathed touching the baby. My body was destroyed by the pregnancy and birth and permanently damaged, and I simply emotionally couldn't cope with giving up any more of it to someone else to touch. At all. I was happy to die rather than endure any more touch. I felt utterly violated.

Bottlefeeding turned out to be a godsend. I have zero regrets about it. I am happy breastfeeding works for some people, but I'm grateful bottlefeeding worked for me. In answer to someone offline who said 'What would have happened without formula?!' I mentioned goats milk, or death, probably. I know historically a lot of babies simply died.

Now, however, it so happens she is the BEST BABY and man, she smells so gooooood and her hair could be touched for hours. Just ask me, I can tell you about it for days. I happen to now be an expert on excellent babies, and mine happens to be the most excellent IN THE KNOWN WORLD. And to my relief, she is a massive cuddlebug who doesn't seem at all bothered by her less than ideal start in life.

NB: Got to say here, my mother AND my MIL? Both utterly supportive of any choice I made. Both wonderful. Support was vital for me, I wish everyone got it.

[T&A]

This is a great space, thankyou. My story is similar to many here but can I just say, the thing I hate most is the lid of the formula tin where it just rubs in "Breast is Best"!!!! I also want to add that I completely relate to msn's story of tears, pain and the constant 'you have it perfect' that the midwives doll out. It brought back tears of my own. They are not attached to your nipple and do not understand. My hubby and mother were my godsend in letting me know I was not a failure for formula feeding, and without the bottle, I don't know what might have happened. It has been a long road back to loving my daughter and myself, but I'm getting there, and with less guilt every day.

This post has been edited by T&A: 06/07/2012, 12:17 PM

[just looking]

Has anyone ever encountered line feeding when trying to establish breast feeding in hospital. I had this situation 4 years ago and was wondering if anyone else had experienced this? I don't know what they thought that would achieve. I was a first time mum and had a hideous nurse that made me feel like a complete failure. leaving hospital 3 days after a c section was the best thing I did. I continued to try and bf despite bleeding cracked nipples and not much milk , we then went to a combination of expressing and formula which made me feel a little better . I stopped expressing around 3 months, relaxed and began enjoying being a mum for the first time. If we are lucky enough to have another I know I won't beat myself up about not being able to breast feed.

[MeN3Ps!]

Thank you for creating this space _ such a great idea!

I felt like a failure. Last about 10 weeks of BFing DS and DD but mainly expressing milk into bottles.

My DD couldn't latch properly and had severe reflux. My DS was quite a good little drinker..

But it got to the point where my supply couldn't meet demand to feed the twins and I was passing out on the bed.. NO energy left to eat, drink or take a shower.

I really gave it my best shot. I agree with a PP where it is really hard when you see it on the Formula Tin (or just about everywhere).. that "Breast is Best".

I even used to get the guilts from some of my girlfriends who are BF zealots.... seriously girls - Back Off!!

Oh and - my children were WASTING, so I had the guilts that my BFing was not enough for them to survive on and had to switch to Formula! This was incredibly hard to deal with...

This post has been edited by MeN3Ps!: 16/11/2012, 06:11 PM