[embracingIVF]

thankyou redsgirl
yes we are coming to similar thoughts
we are first going to try another ivf with our sperm and then if all fails my dh is probably more comfortable with anonymous.... i would probably prefer known ... but i understand its easier in a way to be anon...
we will see how we go with the ivf first and try to get on some waiting lists now anon sperm and maybe look into the ads as well...
thankyou for your tips..
did you have success with iui's for your girls?

[RedsGirl]

No problems.

Just bear in mind that anon might be easier for you, not necessarily the child. In Australia now in many states it is legally a requirement that children are able to access information on their donors once they reach 18 (someone please correct me if I am wrong). I am not sure you can go completely anonymous here anymore. Its pretty similar to adoption these days. However, i am not sure how that works with using sperm from overseas...

We went the known route as we will tell our girls' how they came to be, and believe they have the right to know at a minimum their medical background and of course to see where they come from should they choose (they also have biological half siblings). i think the more difficult it is for them to find information, and the more secrecy there is round it all, the more problems we may encounter .

That said, there are many ladies/couples here who have gone the anon route - everyone has their own reasons and views. I guess we feel we need to put what is best for our children ahead of what is best for us. However, it wasn't easy for my husband to come to this decision, I really think he would have preferred to go completely anon, so I understand why that is the option many choose, but I feel that a big part of who my girls are that would be hidden from them and he understands and respects that.

Not meaning to be preachy, just our experience and perspective.

In terms of actual treatment, we had medicated IUIs to conceive our girls, we were lucky enough to fall PG first go each time. Still can't believe how fortunate we were. From memory it cost us around $1100 per cycle, it can cost a bit more if you use sperm via the clinic (however, we were also paying a bi-annual storage fee fr rour sperm). Our clinic treats a lot of same sex couples, and so does a lot of IUI so i do think their experience in this area shows in their results.

Good luck with your IVF cycle, fingers crossed for you!!

[embracingIVF]

wowser that is lucky and a fantastic story
so do you have any further contact with the known donor - can i ask what is the arrangement? and how long did it take to find the right one and then do all the testing ect to actually get started?
i understand the benefits both ways but ideally i think it would be nice for us to meet him anyway before we make the descision but it does feel like a long process..
something i should maybe start now incase ivf does not work we have another option
can i ask another question - did your dh struggle with bonding with the girls or was it pretty immeadiate?
thanks redsgirl

[RedsGirl]

Oh gee, it was a while ago now!! I did some Internet research and advertised in a few places. We did have one false start, which was a friend of a family member and it was all a bit awkward and didn't go anywhere, but nothing ventured nothing gained and we never saw him socially anyway so it really was no biggie in the end.

I got a few odd responses, some of which I was a bit suss about, and one great one (obviously). There were a few emails back and forth with pertinent questions, then we met up - nerve wracking but also really great to meet - as you say, I think its nice to meet, to see each other and also for them to be comfortable about who they are helping. We were all a-OK to proceed, so then it was counselling at the clinic - first it was just Mr Red and I, then our donor couple joined us. You discuss the whole contact issue here as well (if you hadn't already) and everyone is quite candid. Then as long as there are no niggling issues, the donor makes his donation and it is then screened and goes into quarantine for 6 months. Its then retested and you can then begin cycling. So from first meeting to actually TTC I think it was all up around 18months.

Our donors know we will be telling the girls, and telling them reasonably early (not in detail, but so its not a huge shock later on). They likewise have told their children. We keep in email contact, usually a couple of times a year and we share pictures which is nice. So essentially this will be how it goes I think until one day one of our DDs asks to meet, or see pictures or whatever it will be.

The only other thing I have told Mr Red we NEED to do is detail all this in our will, as if anything happend to us there is no story or even contact information for the girls (note I mean purely from a story of how they came to be and how to contact our donors if they wish to later, not at all from financial/legal/custody point of view - that is completely outside and seperate from the donor issue) . I'd like to leave something for them in full so they know how much we wanted them and why we chose this path, as well as what they need to know to make contact if they wish to.

As for bonding - from the first millisecond, absolutely. No question there at all. The fact they are donor conceived, it rarely comes up day to day, doesn't even really cross our mind day to day. DD2 especially is a Daddy's girl and he is besotted with her.

[kazzil]

Giving another perspective, we went through a clinic and they have a local, ID release anonymous donor. It means we dont know who their donor is, but my duo can contact him when they are 18 or should there be a genuine reason to know him earlier, then there is a means for them to do it provided everyone is agreeable. We have had sone contact already in that we needed some more family history for medical reasons. He has provided the information we needed on the day we asked for it.

My two are of age where they're now coming to understand some basic things about their family structure and we've not hidden from them they have a donor. We call him the 'special man that helped the doctor make them before they were put back in my tummy to grow' . We'll keep adding developmentally appropriate information as they need it, but the big thing we wanted to be sure of was there was no secrets and the reason why we used a donor was we wanted to have them in our family so, so much.

No bonding issues here at all either.

[Cuddlesnkisses]

I've met up with my donor:) through DIY. He has been a donor previously, the meeting went great and we hit it off. As he has done this before he had a number of checks done that he has emailed me. It's definitely strange coffee conversation! It's a big relief. Had to weed through a few strange ones which is disheartening but worth it to find what your looking for. He is happy for email updates and photo's but wants to be hands off as he has his own family. Available for any health issues that can happen and happy to be known later if things go well. We start in two weeks.

[naards]

Hi embracingIVF, coming to the decision to use donor insemination is not an easy one but for us it seemed the only way we were going to have a family. We did 6 years of ICSI and we fell pregnant with the boys on the first round of ICSI with donor insemination... so the proof really was in the pudding (or in the embryo he he). We stuck with the ICSI process (I am a control freak ) and we went with a donor from the US (from a site called xytex) and our clinic had already screened and gone through the legal motions with the donor. I found the process straight forward and there was no stress with asking someone to be the donor or having the awkward 'I'm ovulating' moment. I think it really is up to the individual though.

As with Redsgirl we will also be telling the boys that they were conceived through donor insemination. Not that who they look like will ever be an issue because they both look like me! he he But yep as Kazzil said, we have access to his information when we need it but until then he was merely a magical little man on the other side of the world who helped us get our family

Cuddlesnkisses, that is fantastic!!! You'll have to let us know how you go. I hope that it all works out for you! And I really admire that you are doing this, not alot of people have the courage to go it alone and I think that that is just amazing!!

Oh and bonding? No problems in the slightest, I don't think my DH even gives it a second thought! They are his little men and that's all there is to it. I just love how much he loves them!!

[naards]

Oh and sorry just to add, embracingIVF we also did DI because of suspected fragmentation.

[here's hoping]

Hi everyone,

I'm a new poster to this forum, but I've been reading a lot. It's so nice to hear how well donor conception has worked for so many of you.

My DH and I are currently in the process of getting things happening with a known sperm donor.

Some background: My DH and I've known from the start that my DH was azo. Way back we made the decision to use a known donor some time in the future when we were ready to have kids. Our plans suddenly changed when I had a "routine" AMH test to prove my egg count was good (as a 30yo). Unfortunately it wasn't That was back in November 2011.

Since then we've brought our plans forward and suddenly can't wait to have kids, TTC and start planning. However, it took us 3 months to get back to see our FS and then more time for our donor to have counselling and see the FS and now we have to wait 6 months quarantine before we can start! All in all it will be over a year!

I'm finding it really hard to be patient and just wait. I feel like even if we were doing cycles with no luck then at least we were doing SOMETHING. I know the quarantine is for our own "safety" but I just wish we'd been told this earlier so we could have been prepared ahead of time. At the same time, I'm paranoid that my eggs are dying on mass

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you cope with the waiting?

[Eternally]

Hi here's hoping!
TTC is all about the waiting I'm afraid, for appointments, tests, then finally the two week wait! For us it was 18 months from starting infertility evaluation, unsuccessful testicular biopsies, then deciding to use donor sperm. Fortunately we didn't have a quarantine period, as we used a clinic recruited donor.
The 6 month period is so frustrating, and legally rather than medically based. The incubation period for viruses is far shorter.
Good luck with the wait, at least you can use it to optimize your health; iron/iodine/folate/vitamin d, healthy weight, exercise etc, so you feel like you are doing something.