[VintageEyes]

I will add that she is the quiet acheiver type

Yep, my DS is an introvert as well. So it is really hard to convince people he is "spirited" because he is so quiet when we are out. Quiet, but still managing to get into trouble - e.g. he is always the one going off exploring around the side of the house, when no-one else's kids even look over there.

I can also relate to all the climbing stories & the child-safety product fails. We had corner protectors - they didn't last a day before DS peeled them off. He soon figured out how to open the drawers as well, despite the child latches by wiggling one drawer open and then the other. And of course, he was the only one who figured out how to open a friends baby gate - in all of about 2 mins.

[ironbutterfly]

Crap one of my girls is exactly like this, the other one isn't quite so bad. DH doesn't know how to deal with her and he sees me as just giving into her, I've learnt to fight the important battles because it just becomes so exhausting otherwise. I guess I'll be adding a few more books to my bedside table.

[gabbigirl]

HI, I;m back too. we've had such a good few weeks as we've been in Sydney at my parents place and she was so well behaved and i was thinking to myself maybe we've turned the corner. Well the universe heard it and thought to punish me. Spunky DD3.5 was back with a vengeance today! I just can't figure it out. is it because her schedule is too busy (she does dancing on Monday, child care on Tuesday, swimming on wednesday and thursday/friday is childcare. We'll often have a party or playdate on the weekend.

Now that I write it down even I am exhausted at what she is up to! for some kids it would be fine. But for her temperant I am thinking i'll wind down the playdates. SHe can play with her sister and me at home. anyone else find that the schedule impacts their child's behaviour? WDYT about that schedule. is that standard for most kids?

[VintageEyes]

Gabigirl that does sound like an exhausting schedule. I find that a day out-day home schedule works best with my DS.
I read that spirited kids are "on their best behaviour" when out & it can be very draining for them mentally, especially due to all the stimulation.
You could also try play dates at your place rather than going out.

Welcome ironbutterfly! Definitely pick your battles. I always try and create a "yes" environment. I find "Choices" work as well. As in telling DS "you can choose to put your shoes on and go outside or you can choose to keep your shoes off and stay inside." Also giving them a lot of notice about what is happening. Eg "today we are going to do x" "5 more swings and then we are going inside"

[wca]

I

have a spirited 3 year old DD.
She runs everywhere and needs constant mental stimulation.
She is extremely empathetic and sensitive. She gets frustrated very easily and will have a tantrum about a button not going into the hole right.
She talks and talks and talks and TALKS! not just in toddler speak, but she says things like: "Mum, I'd appreciate it if you could tell me what salt tastes like."
I say, "Salty."
Not good enough. Cue half hour discussion about what makes salt tastes salty.
She memorises entire books.
She likes to play loud stomping, yelling games with boys.
By the end of the day, I am mentally exhausted.
I really can't wait until she goes to school!

This is my DD, exactly! She has just turned 4 and has been 'spirited' since birth. My mum recently had her for a week (husband and I went on a holiday WHOOHOOO) and she admitted that DD pushed her to tears a few times, not because she is naughty as such, more that she just never ever stops and is SO tiring to be around.
She talks all day, it's like she has to narrate her day to me, to herself, to anyone. Constant TALKING and DISCUSSING. And while she is chatting, she is moving her body. She can not talk to me without hopping/twirling/flinging her legs/dancing/jumping etc. I literally have to grab her and say "Heidi...PLEASE, just be still for one second". Her behaviour has actually induced anxiety in me and my own mental health is suffering because of her. Which leads me to this question.....at what point do you get them 'checked'? After my mum had her, she urged me to talk to someone about her. I've always felt like I should, I don't know any othe rkids who are like her. On the flip side, she is amazingly compassionate, caring, empathetic and generous for a 4yr old, sh ehas a hear tof gold. She is just such a sensative, hyper little soul and I need help dealing with her.

[kay11]

I've just booked DD, 3.5yrs, into a child psychologist. I am hesitant to post here because I don't know that she is 'spirited' as such, but headstrong, strong willed, bright, intense and sensitive would be how I'd describe her. Her daycare wanted to have her assessed because she showed some signs of 'obsessive behaviour' which, from what I could tell, involved her being unable to back down from something that she wanted. However whenever the assessor was in the room she never showed signs of this behaviour. I've looked at some of the various issues but I can't see that she fits any of them. She's certainly bright and her vocabulary and fine motor skills have always impressed her teachers and carers. She seems anxious with other people and has always had terrible separation anxiety. She could throw the type of distressing hour long tantrums that I did not think could happen (thankfully she grew out of that a little after 2yo).

At any rate I hope the psychologist has some ideas on helping her and her behaviour (she also has a medical condition). I searched online amongst children psychologists in my city and after reading a heap of bios of (to be blunt) batsh*t crazy psychologists, I settled on one called Darin Cairns who mentioned a lot about evidence based care in his bio and seemed to be well regarded with his work in autism (not that I think she has autism but I do want someone who knows enough to recognise if there is any tendency towards it - I have to admit I've sometimes suspected it with one of my siblings).

Anyway, shall see how we go. I don't have much in the way of expectations but hopefully a few tips out of it.

[JamJah]

Incessant whinging and general unhappiness rate a mention at all? DS is only 15 months but has never been what you would term a happy bub. We kept saying "maybe when he learns to roll.....sit....crawl.....walk....." nothing much has changed. He really is exhausting and there is no downtime at all when he is awake.

Vintage Eyes, I agree with picking your battles too, I just can't wait until his vocab is there to help with that one. He very much understands what we are saying and will point or get things that we speak about with him. He too can chuck a great tanty.

I feel every day that I am walking on eggshells just wondering when we get that happy window how long it is going to last for. I am very much for saying good boy and well done and other positive reinforcements too so he isn't just hearing negative stuff all day. I try and play with him but he really isn't interested. Be out and about or at the playground though and he is a totally different child. (not to mention when at the Grandparents or if someone is around that he doesn't know very well lol). As you know, you can't be out all the time though, other things need doing too!

I would just love to think about something else for a change

[orangefudge]

I feel almost a relief that there is a label for my child and that yes he is 'spirited'. he is 3.5 and has so many traits as you all have, just intense, wont back down, fights sleep 18 months of night waking (though much better now), hates being told off and actually gets that worked up when being told off that he has actually vomited on more than one occasion. i guess this is the emotional side of him and that he just needs to be pampered a bit more.

The one thing i am struggling with is, how do you keep the balance between disciplining him when I can see that he actually gets so worked up and just not pushing the issue too far so that he doesnt go balistix. Its like he has to retain the control when i tell him off, but he just gets so worked up and i feel like its really upsetting him. I use the 1 2 3 method and that works wonders and have started using time out which works, i guess when he gets this worked up these occurences arnt all the time and maybe its just when he is tired.

anyhow, i am thinking i would like to read a book on spirited children, and would love to hear anyones feedback or recommendations.

i never appreciated his behavior until my second calm easy going child was born and I can appreciate my 3.5 year olds headstrong personality.

He is great all that said, and definitely easy going for patches of the day and will happily play with his toys for 30 mins at a time.

would love to hear also how other people have handled the discipline factor.

[gabbigirl]

OF your post is interesting as my dd , now 4yo, does not respond well to traditional discipline. Time out just makes her hysterical. My 2 yo responds to time out so I don't think it's just me. How I manage my 4 yo to date is to try to avoid situations which require punishment...for eg, she really needs her sleep, good diet, really clear directions, I give her control where I can, choices where possible. For eg, getting her into the car on daycare mornings was a nightmare as she did not want to stop watching tv. So I would ask her at the end of the show she was watching to turn off the tv herself using the remote. It gave her some control. If she didn't want dinner, she never had to eat it, but just try it. No other choices were of offered..

I think when I realized that her personality was just too sensitive for timeouts it relieved the pressure off me, and the expectation that I should punish her. I still do when she's naughty but I find withdrawal of tv or iPad watching much more effective. I just think we need to find our kids buttons and work with them.

Mary kurcinka spirited ooks are grat, and I am also enjoying Tina bryson ATM too, it's all about brain development.

[CupOfCoffee]

My daughter fits the description of a spirited child. She is the most intense human, everything about her is 'over the top' (for want of a better description). When she is happy, her whole being is happy, it seemingly seeps out of her pores. When she is unhappy, it is the same. She doesn't have an in between level, everything is big.

We also struggle with her not needing sleep (she is 3 and as hard as we try, she doesn't day nap and sometimes won't fall asleep until after 9:30 and wakes again, usually before 6am.

I will say though, she may just appear spirited compared to my super calm son.

And she makes me laugh so much, she is hilarious and brilliant... but gosh she gets frustrated and angry quick.