[diary~dad]

DS: Device of Satan?

Recently I arranged to meet my sister at a local park. It was a perfect autumn day with the sun bright and the air cool but not yet crisp. The sort of day that makes you feel guilty for not being outside.

As soon as I saw my sister loitering around the monkey bars I knew all was not well. While her daughter Charlie was making the most of the mid-afternoon sunlight, her 7 year-old son Max was immersed in a mood as black as a coal miner’s armpit (and as someone who has spent a lot of time with colliery workers, I can honestly say their armpits are the blackest going round). Large comical thunderclouds seemed to be rolling past his brooding head.

“What’s up with Max” I asked.

“Oh, the bloody DS” she answered. “Oh, the DS” I nodded in agreement. The DS? The Dear Sunshine? Some rare medical condition: Drearius Solitudus? What on earth is a DS?

“He’s been playing the thing all morning and now he’s having a tantrum because we’ve taken it away” Paulette helpfully continued. By this stage I’d worked out that a DS was a game.

Paulette explained that they had originally bought the DS as a sort of reward and punishment system. If he was good, he got to go on the DS. If he was bad, he lost his rights to the DS. This seemed like a great idea at the time and Max even agreed to sign a written contract setting out all the terms of use, how time on the DS could be earned or lost, that the DS was only for weekends and that when his time was up on the DS he would promptly and politely return it to his parents. This Max signed with enthusiastic promises to abide to the written word.

“But it makes no difference what we do” said Paulette. “It’s like he’s in a trance when he’s on the DS. And he won’t give it back no matter what he’s threatened with. When he has the DS it is all he cares about, and when it is gone he’s sulky. It is like the DS is ruling our lives.” At this point I made a very quick mental note – don’t ever get a DS. Simple. And given that none of my three girls had ever asked for one, even easier.

Leaping ahead a couple of weeks and my 8 year old daughter Maisie came home from school and, quite pointedly, asked me why she didn’t have a DS. “Everybody else has one” are the time honoured, immortal words that ended her request. I was tempted to channel Jack Nicholson, slam the table and scream “You Can’t Handle the DS!”, but instead said what all dads say in this situation and agreed to think about it.

The next day at work I approached Martin the parenting guru and asked him whether a DS is Satan’s work or something useful for the kids. Martin was very much in the ‘pro’ DS camp, having a very active 10 year old who, as Martin explained it, would do just about anything to earn time on the DS (including promptly and politely returning it to his parents when his time was up). Martin also explained that the reason they had first bought the Ds was to keep the kids off the computer. While it is hard to monitor the kids’ activities on the internet unless you’re standing right next to them, on the DS you know exactly what they’re up to. Plus many of the games can be educational.

So now I’m in a bit of a bind. Is a DS a blessing or a curse? A parenting aid or a rod for your own back? Does it depend on the age of the child? The time spent on the DS? What have been your experiences?

[twotoddlers]

I think if you let your child spend too much time on it then yes is is a curse.. They get so used to it that you'll have a hard time getting them to focus on anything else. It may be great to distract them or preoccupy them while your busy.. or in that case as a reward.. but let them know that there is the still a world outside of DS..

[diary~dad]

Thanks for the reply twotoddlers - are you saying too much of anything is a bad thing or just too much of the DS? My sister's feeling is ANY time on the DS is too much for her son. Perhaps he's just not old enough for it? Maybe it's just him? I welcome further thoughts.

[Victory]

My children don't have a DS. We have no plans to purchase one. All of our children have a lot of difficulty transitioning themselves away from 'screens'.
30 minutes on the computer can lead to more resistance and arguments than the quiet time is worth
TV creates the same 'monster'. They just want more, more, more. If we have a lazy wet weekend, with more screen time than usual, then I can guarantee that the 3 year old will ask for TV non-stop for the next 2-5 days. If the TV is not on at all over the weekend, then she won't ask for it the following week at all.

I, personally, don't like them (DS) but will admit that I have never seen or touched one
I just think that there are so many brilliant, exciting, engaging things for kids to do, both active and passive, inside and outside, that we just have no need to have that sort of thing in our house.

Good luck with your decision!

[diary~dad]

Great response Victory - we have exactly the same problem here. If the girls are in front of the TV for too long I have to take them down to the park to blow away the screen gaze that seems to burn the back of their minds. I had thought that because the DS required more input (in that it is not as passive as TV) the problem may not be so bad with a DS. Anyone with a DS have a view?

[kpingitquiet]

We're pretty anti-DS when it comes to kiddo. Some folks are giving their 3 and 4 yos ipod touches, "DSi"s, iphones, etc, so even with an infant, it's something we've been asked if we're considering We're both techy type folks and gamers, too, we just don't see the need for a zombie-maker when there are a million other things a kid can do, love, and have taken away if they're naughty! That, and I find the cost of such devices ridiculous for a child. I barely trust myself with $300 of handheld gizmodom, much less a child. If there isn't a developmental issue that would be eased by using the DS, then I generally lump them in the Device o' Satan category. Probably the same reasoning that kept my parents from getting me a Gameboy, and I somehow survived.

[Bluenomi]

I love mine

DD is far too young yet (though she likes to chew on the stylus) but I'd perfer it to TV any day for kids. Much better than a portable DVD player most kids seem to have these days

[cugel]

Our policy is that the children need to experience the real before the virtual.

[Ruffles]

I have a 6 year old and a 7 year old, and think the DS is WONDERFUL. It has assisted us in traveling overseas twice, boring adult dinners, kept DS happy during his sisters dance lessons, kept DD happy during her brothers piano lessons.

There are educational games, crappy games, whatever you choose. Personally, if my son likes to learn maths skills or my daughter likes to learn spelling skills through a game - I'm happy. Learning is learning.

It might add to the parenting challenge - the parent needs to manage it. My kids know when it is DS time, and they know to give it back without complaint, or they will not see it again for a long time.

Don't blame the DS for a child's black mood. Or the TV, DVD, computer or any other screen. Blame the parent for not teaching boundaries.

All things in moderation.

Basically, anything that can keep two tired children quiet and happy in an airport for 2 hours, without fighting, is a gift from God, not a device of satan.

This post has been edited by Ruffles: 12/04/2011, 09:16 PM

[Kay1]

Like everything moderation and consistency is the key in my opinion. My oldest son is completely into screens of any sort. He is just a very visual person and loves the challenge of computer games etc. He has a Leapster and we have a Wii which he is allowed to play on the weekends for a finite one off period. It is the one thing he really cares about and it IS taken away if he misbehaves. This includes if he does not turn it off when we ask him to. There are some games (and one tv show) that have a very adverse affect on his behaviour and even he recognises that now so they are banned.

He would walk over hot coals to play my iphone but I generally keep it for when he needs to wait for a long period. He is certainly not allowed to play any of these things while we have company or if we are out at the park etc. I believe kids need to learn to live with these things and keep them in balance with the rest of their lives. I talk to my son about how the games are addictive and how to recognise when you need to turn them off and get outside, read a book, play something else. I have no plans to get him a DS now but when he is 8 or 9 I will if he asks for one. Although I suspect by then they'll have been superceded by iphones/pads.