[PeptiBandit]

DPs friend will most likely be visiting early next year, and we have never actually met him. They've talked online for over a year and get along brilliantly. He told DP recently that he was diagnosed with aspergers. He is 19.

I was just wondering as when he visits he will most likely be staying with us, what type of things make him different, so to speak, from us? He seems lovely everytime I've conversed with him, so I don't know if there's anything we should or shouldn't be doing as I really have no idea.

Anyone got any examples as to what he might be like when he stays a few nights??

Thank you kindly

[brissymumof2]

each aspergers person is different,some react to foods,some are loving,some arent.
it all depends on the person my son was diagnosed aspergers,then autistic they cant make up there mind which,he is loving,very emotional and gets frustrated easy.

my friends child is aggressive and hates being touched,so each is different.

aspergers people do tend me be quite bright.

[ambwrose]

Why would you think he will be any different to you?

He"s a person with aspergers he's not a freak.

[justthegirls]

Why would you think he will be any different to you?

He"s a person with aspergers he's not a freak.

I don't think the op was implying that he would be a freak, and it's a genuine and thoughtful question. They're are lots of Aspergers parents in the special needs section, perhaps if you post in there they might be able to provide you with some useful info.

[PeptiBandit]

Why would you think he will be any different to you?

He"s a person with aspergers he's not a freak.

I really didn't mean for it to sound like that. I've never had any experience at all with any autism spectrum disorders so I have no idea how to approach the question. I know he sees his disorder as something to be ashamed about as he has said this many times and told DP that he never told him earlier incase DP would judge him or something, as he doesn't have many friends anymore because they couldn't handle it or were embarrassed by it.

I was just after some info on what it would be like when he stays as I honestly have no idea and feel quite ignorant and embarrassed about asking. From what I know about him so far he really does seem to be lovely. He plays tennis and seems really passionate about it, loves cricket and footy and sports like crazy (same as DP lol), has a very high standard of spelling and grammar which I've never come across before with a 19 year old guy!!

They're are lots of Aspergers parents in the special needs section, perhaps if you post in there they might be able to provide you with some useful info.

Thanks! Will go and try there.now!

[Super Cat]

I think it's a good thing that you're asking about AS before he visits . Sure, he's still human and just like the rest of us but fact is, he has Asperger syndrome and it might make everyone a little more comfortable if you're familiar with it.

I have an Uncle with AS, a child with AS and a child with autism so I'll speak form our persective but please remember what I say may not apply to your friend. My Uncle has never had intervention or help for his AS so his symptoms are quite overt. My Son is getting early intervention and his symptoms are mild to the outsider but to us they're quite apparent.

Some thing you might notice about your visitor is that he may talk a lot about a special interest of his and may pay less attention to things you're interested in. Mind you, a lot of AS people have learned to 'fake it' so you might not notice some things.

He may seem to have little awareness of personal space, sometimes stand too close or not get out of the way when it's obvious he should. He may not automatically reciprocate gestures, for instance if you offer to buy dinner one night, it might not occur to him that he should offer to buy it the next night. He most likely will be happy to buy dinner the next night but might need prompting.

His IQ will be normal to high and he will most likely be very interesting to talk to. He may take things you say very literally but then again, he may have learned the art of faking for this too . He will probably do really well with just you and your DH but in a group setting he might not be so comfortable so maybe don't plan any parties while he's there lol. Also he may sometimes find it difficult to keep conversations going, he may butt in when you're still talking or may not extend the conversation. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep talking to you, it's just that he might not know what to say next to keep the conversation moving along. Talking on computers is easier because there's no awkward pause and you've always got time to think about your reply. IRL you're always on the spot and this can be difficult for people on the spectrum.

Play it by ear, you may notice things that seem odd or you may not. Try not to look at everything he does as being 'Aspy' and just enjoy his company for the individual that he is. I think you've most likely made a very interesting new friend

[baddmammajamma]

Super Cat, awesome post. The OP has now posted in the SN/Disabilities board. Would you mind if I cut & pasted that on her thread in that section (or would you mind doing so)? It's such good stuff!

This post has been edited by baddmammajamma: 20/12/2010, 06:13 PM

[Super Cat]

I just beat you to it BMJ! LOL

[madmother]

Another who replied in your other thread. I do not think you are being judgemental, I would hope my son makes friends such as you as he grows up.

[Renoir]

He's an adult. Ask him.



Really.