[daviesjv]

I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with our first baby and while it’s very exciting I’m not sure whether to tell DH that it’s a girl. What should I do??
DH wants a son. Really, really badly wants a son. And he’s been quite open about his hopes that we’re having a boy throughout the whole pregnancy. Not in a negative “I don’t want a girl” way - once we have the baby I know he will be thrilled no matter what - but he calls my bump his “little man” and keeps telling everyone that he’s sure I’m having a boy.
The thing is though, I know it’s a girl! We had the 20 week scan and didn’t find out the sex, because DH wants it to be a surprise. But I’m hopeless at waiting for surprises, so I phoned the clinic the next day and asked - and we’re having a girl!
That’s fine by me, I really don’t mind either way. But I just don’t know whether to tell DH now so that he settles down with the whole “little man” routine in front of our friends or whether to not say anything and let him find out on the day. He really wants it to be a surprise, but he’s talking up the whole “I want a boy” thing way too much.
What do parents think? Leave it and let him find out on the day, or tell him now?
Lindi.

Oh jeez, Lindi - I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. Maybe it depends on how pro-boy your husband is being? If he’s being seriously out of control and will live to regret (or be severely embarrassed by) what he’s saying, then maybe you should tell him. On the other hand, if he will probably just laugh about all his current “I want a boy” declarations when he meets his beautiful baby girl, then maybe there’s no need.
For a male perspective on this, I have asked relationship specialist and founder of www.redhotrelationships.com, Bruce Sullivan for some advice...
“This is a problem faced by many couples since the advent of new technology, he says. “There are though two other questions here that need to be considered.
Firstly, if you both agreed not to find out he may be more anxious that you broke the agreement to wait until birth to discover the truth. Trust is key component of every relationship and I think is the key issue here. Secondly, how are you going to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy living with the internal conflict that now exists?
My advice would be to tell him and how you do it of course is the key. Couples need to have agreements in place about being open and assurances that when you do your partner will respond in a predictable positive way with a view to solving the problem and getting on with your lives together.
“Honey, I really want tell you about a deal we had that I broke and most importantly I want to be sure that the trust we have in our relationship is preserved... hence this conversation. I have found out the sex of our baby and do you want to know?”
If he does you can tell him and both get used to the fact that your beautiful little girl is on the way and if doesn’t then you can have some fun together enjoying the pregnancy.

The key is that with whatever he chooses, you have done what you can to ensure that the trust is preserved in your relationship.
EB Members: Keep the secret or tell? What is your advice for Lindi?

[futureself]

I'd wait. He is going to be so overwhelmed when she is born that he will forget that he wanted a boy as soon as he looks in her eyes.

[laughter]

I'd keep the secret.
But, in saying that, I would keep on top of his "Little Man" and "I want a boy" comments by reminding him that its a 50/50 chance of a boy. And that he better get use to the idea of a girl in case it is a girl!

[deejie]

I would keep the secret. My DH sounds similar to yours, except he wanted a girl. He even went as far as to say that he wanted to find out the gender at the 20 week scan so he would have lots of time 'get over the disappointment' if the baby was a boy. (Why he was so fixated on having a girl I have never quite understood). I was absolutely adamant that the gender was to be a surprise.

When our baby (a boy) was born, he was so overwhelmed by the experience that any thought of disappointment was forgotten. He loves DS dearly and there has never any suggestion since the birth that he wanted a girl 'instead'.

[biene_maja]

I'd tell him.

I know this sounds bad but I really wanted girls and I would have been dissapointed at first if DD1 or 2 had been boys. I found out the sex so that I could get used to the idea of having boys but in the end didn't have to. No clue why I felt so strongly about wanting girls, I know I would have loved a son just the same eventually.

DH wanted a boy when we were first pregnant but after having DD1 (a total tomboy) he actually wanted more girls after that.

[Guest_milliearchmum_*]

I wouldn't tell him you know it's a Girl - as you promised each other you would'nt find out, and you may upset him. (again, in saying that I can't keep secrets and would have to tell my DH that I knew! and it is best to be honest with him!).

Secondly, I wouldn't take it too seriously that he is 'wanting a Boy'. Alot of people 'male or female' may have a normal desire for one particular sex, for whatever reason.

I'd make comments like 'well, if it's a Girl I'm sure she'll be your little Princess and she'll have you wrapped around her finger' - and 'I'm betting it's a Girl, so you better start getting used to the fact that it may well be a Girl'. These kind of comments, after his 'my little man' comments, would let you gauge how serious he is. I'm sure its all because he'd love to have a 'little him'. So, you can say 'well, i hope to have a little me!'. This will bring him around to thinking what it would be like to have a Girl, so that the shock (if that!) at the birth will be minimal.

I'm sure it's nothing and he'll be absolute wrapped up in her when she is born, and he'll forget he even thought it was a Boy.

I was so sure we were having another Boy this time, but DH was insistant it would be a gorgeous little Girl ... we both found out and now he's over the moon he's having another Son.

[CharliMarley]

I agree with both the PP's. He will be so delighted when he sees his little daughter, but keep him in line with the "my little man" thing. Have you started to think of names yet?

[~*luvmytribe*~]

Keep the secret and every time he says my little man reply with nahhh this is my little princess, Mummys girls etc.

[mmummumm]

We weren't planning to find out what the sex was, my husband wanted it to be a surprise, but when he couldn't make it to the ultrasound at the last minute, and I was lying there and the sonographer asked me if I wanted to know, I said 'Yes!'

I managed to keep it a secret from everyone including hubby. The only reason I was able to keep it a secret was because I didn't tell anyone I knew what it was. If my family had found out I knew, they would have nagged me to tell them.

So if you know and you decide not to tell him, don't tell anyone!

he will love her, of that there is no question. There is something about a little baby girl that absolutely dissolves a father's heart.

Men are not stupid, they know it's a 50/50 chance. but if you tell him, he might resent the fact you ruined the surprise.

[jorgo]

my BIL was insisting his first was a boy called the bump "jack" the whole time
I told him he looked like an ass cause the kid was gonna come out a girl. ( i'm never wrong)
he even said looking back at the videos of stuff he sounds like an idiot refering to jack when a very pink and girlie thing came out.


You reaaaaaaaaaaaalllly need to keep the boy thing in check because he will just look like an idiot