[TammIam]

Very interesting article in this weekends The Weekend Australian Magazine called Fragile, Do Not Expose to Life.Trying to find a link but i find newspapers sites so damn hard to navigate

Anyway - I particularly loved the new nickname for young people who arrive into adulthood the result of overprotective parenting.
"Teacups" = They're beautiful, they're precious, they're very carefully produced - but they are so fragile you can't take them out in case they might break

The entire article rang so TRUE for hb and I and I was wondering if others had seen it and what you think?

I suppose also relevant to this issue is the current debate / discussion and attention about Jessica Watson and her attempt to sail around the world, unassisted at 16 yrs of age.

Seems to be opposite ends of the spectrum eh?

T

[Sambambino]

I agree but I am guilty of having a gorgeous teacup myself.

My DS is 13 years old, will be 14 in a month.
He has never caught public transport without an adult (has only caught it very rarely even with an adult). He has never been to the shoppig centre without an adult, has only been to the milk bar a handful of times without an adult.
He plays inside or within seeing distance of our house 99% of the time.
To get to school he is driven and picked up by my DH or myself and on the days he catches the school bus it literally picks up and drops off to our driveway!

Almost everything he does is with adult company. There is no adventuring, exploring, finding out things for himself. Earlier this year he did ride his bike to the library a few times to meet friends but his bike helmet was stolen (fortunately he chained the bike).

Just this week he stayed with his BD for the school holidays, When making arrangements to pick him up the thought entered my mind very briefly that perhaps he could catch the train (i.e. be put on the train at one end and I would wait on the platform at the other end to meet him) but then I started having what ifs - what if he got mugged on the train or worse...

I don't know what to do to solve this for my son. How do we let go and give them some independance from us. before I know it I will have an 18 year old who doesn't know how to cope out in the real world. He is not the only one in this situation, none of his friends do much alone either. I wouldn't say that I am a parent who would intentionally shelter their child but it seems that it is now the norm.

At his age I was the extreme opposite end of the spectrum, instead of a teacup I was probably more like a used beer can that had been crushed and kicked around in the gutter. My Brothers and I had literally no adult supervision for much of the time which isn't ideal either.

[LunaBlue]

Oh Yes, especially after reading some threads on here of late.

Makes me wonder what sort of adults they will grow up to be, the saying harden up princess will no doubt be used a great deal.

[kiddos]

Hmmm I think there might be a bit of a change in parenting trends, starting now, as we are all becoming aware that some things have gone too far. Even an increase in the number of articles on this very subject is a bit of an indication that we are standing up and taking notice.

Living in a litigious world hasn't exactly helped, and the likely reason behind the no tree taller than 1.4m in day care centres rule as an example. Technology hasn't helped, with its easy entertainment options as an obvious but also as it has made information so accessible. Kids have always fallen and had accidents, from any tall object, it's just that now we hear about it more, so it seems like it happens more, and now we can Google the consequences of X injury.

It also extends beyond physical fragility, to emotional and social limitations. See the disciplining kids thread based on an article that was found online... we overanalyse every minute detail of what we tell children in the simple act of discipline that actually only needs to be quite basic, for fear of psychological damage. We take away competitions for fear of failure. What we are taking away there, is the ability to appreciate success and achievement, I feel.

I have heaps of parents, with babies and young children, come through my work and I am seeing a change in attitude. They have noticed, they are annoyed, and they do not want to raise their child in cotton wool. Lots are young Gen X-ers who have reflected on their childhood and how freedom and protection were well balanced, and seem to be calling on that in their plan to raise their kids. I know I am, DH is, and all of our friends are saying the same things. I am hearing the same opinion over and over again, too much to not have a bearing on the future development of our kids. So I think the babies of now and the next few years, in about 10 years' time, will be different... generally speaking of course... this is just a theory of mine based on my daily observations.

[Ella31]

There is a great book by Carl Honore Under pressure which explores the effect of hyperparenting on kids.

Great read.

http://www.carlhonore.com/?page_id=5

BTW I do let me DD eat dirt and smash food into her face and wait....... climb up and down stairs.

[Cali~]

I use no antibacterial products.
My two older sons get to school under their own steam.
They all play on the street and climb trees.
They don't have mobile phones for emergencies.
I don't do any ferrying to afterschool activities- they just come home.

Am I underparenting?

[donthavetv]

Yes, Yes Yes.
You are harming your children if you are not giving them a gentle and gradual exposure to potentially dangerous situations.
Wrapping them up and saving it for later is just setting them up for disaster and makes them less safe and less able to make sound decisions.
This starts from toddler-hood.

[BBlessed]

I don't think I agree.
I grew up with very limited exposure to the rest of the world. We lived in the outback until into my teen years, and then lived in a rural area of the NSW Central West region. I attended a private school, taught sunday school weekly, played sport within my school-determined and coached teams, had every meal prepared for me by my mother, all my laundry etc done and was pretty much spoon fed everything and anything that occurred in my life.

The year after I finished my HSC, I caught a Greyhounds coach to Brisbane in the middle of the night, to live in a City where I knew not a single soul, to study at a Uni no one had heard of and start a life I'd never imagined! I LOVED it! And worked out how to pay bills, catch public transport, cook, clean and care for myself and so on by jumping in the deep end. Literally overnight I went from being cared for - "cottoned wool-ed" or "teacupped" my entire life, to being totally independant.
I learnt a lot from my newfound friends and through trial and error. And I survived, and perhaps even thrived!

So I'm not so sure that taking "extra" care of our kids necessarily is harmful to them. I embarked on my new life knowing that I had a loving, caring, supportive parent at home who had set pretty high standards and who let me know she trusted me and my abilities to be independant when the right time came. But that time did not come until I was 18 - and then it came very suddenly!
So rather than being prepared for independence in the practical sense, I think I was prepared emotionally - which seemed to work just fine for me. Perhaps either approach can work??

[JRA]

I read it and thought of the thread here the other day when someone was suggesting that all monkey bars should be banned.


I loved the article

[KT1978]

Totally agree.

I just wonder at what age you set some kids loose and they are going to go crazy and get themselves into worse trouble !

"yes son, I know you have never used a knife, done your own washing, walked to school on your own, or caught a train, but you are 17 now. Here's the car keys and have fun at college"