[*Edie*]

Do you look down on those that don't marry?

I was not born or raised in Australia. Since moving to Australia five years ago I picked up on the very fascinating trend of calling ones significant other "Partner" rather than husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend etc. At first I couldn't quite grasp the concept up until the realisation that many couples simply do not choose to get married and have planned children. Not to be offensive, but I do find this rather shocking. Why not get married if you going to raise a family? I wouldn't feel like "less" of a family so to speak without being married, sharing the same surname etc

I guess I just don't get why people would plan to have multiple children, live together and plan on spending a lifetime together and NOT getting married. To me it it is as though people are avoiding the committment. Do you agree or has Australia just accepted this into their cultural? Do you judge people that have families are not married? Or has this just become a norm?

[FukuroLady]

Because its no one elses business how others conduct their lives?
Because marriage doesn't guarantee commitment or a happy family?
Because marriage is historically a religious ceremony and many people aren't religious?

Do I look down on those who don't marry? No.

Just the opinion of a married mother of 1.

[juliavc]

To me, marriage is just a piece of paper.
Just because we are not married, does not mean that we are not committed to one another and our family. We are not religious at all, I believe that some people get married to do the right thing by God etc, so that didn't really come into it for us.

We do not think there is any difference in the way we live our lives now than if we were married. We have been together for 17 years, have 3 children together, share finances etc etc. We have been in a monogomous relationship for all that time - so really, what is different to living this way without having the whole marriage ceremony compared to what we are doing now? I suppose the only difference is that my last name is different to the rest of the family, but that is a minor thing really. What matters to us is that we are committed to each other and our family, and we don't think a piece of paper and me changing my name would make any difference to that.

[cesca]

Do you judge people that have families are not married? Or has this just become a norm?

I think it's pretty normal now. Not "the norm", but definitely not abnormal.

I know a few couples who have been together for many years, and have had several children each, bought houses together, etc etc. As I only met these friends recently I assumed that they were married. When I finally found out (a year or so after we became friends) that they weren't married, I was surprised, as they just "seemed" married.

So, no, I don't "judge" them. They're just another part of normal.

[**kristel**]

I don't get why people spend $20,000 for a piece of paper that will most likely be ripped up in the next 20 years.

If you love one another, why do you need a piece of paper to prove it?

[baggy]

I don't want to get married, ever.

It makes no difference to me if I'm married or not.

[~sarita~]

I'm married and we are coming up to our 20th anniversary. We don't use the same surname, we don't wear wedding rings and basically we got married because it made other people happy. I wasn't interested in being nagged to death by my father for the next few decades.

Now he just gets p*ssy at me if I call my DH my partner and was upset that my kids took my name (which happens to be his name). Can't win. FWIW a lot of people assume we are not married because we don't do the social norms WRT names and rings.

[Jemstar]

Not everyone feels they need a wedding ceremony to make a lifetime commitment or to raise children.

I pretty much agree with FukuroLady.

I am married with 3 children, but TBH if I had my time again, I may just skip the official marriage bit.

[*Edie*]

If marriage was "just a piece of paper" don't you think everyone would do it?

[Aprillbell]

Marriage is in most cases are religious thing. Many of us are not religious.

Yes I am married. We had 2 kids before getting married though and it was never a priority, it only occured out of necessity and to make life easier in the long run. Marriage is not important to some people and still isnt important to my Husband and I.

I dont get the $20k+ wedding thing. Ours cost the $600 registry fee and I know we are happier than many of our big white wedding married friends (and the many divorced ones) it IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER