[flipflop]

I agree that it is something they need to learn. If you never take them, they will never learn. I am of the thought that this learning of 'self-control' and appropriate behaviour for appropriate circumstances can transfer to a wide range of situations. No, my children aren't saints. But that said, they can wait nicely for a drink, albeit whilst colouring in or driving a matchbox car whilst remaining in their seats. They also use this skill, yes, I believe its a learned skill, to wait patiently and appropriately at say, the doctors, or the haridressers or somewhere else that requires sitting and waiting, not running around.
There has definately been times when we have just had to pay and make a get-a-way, but with the expectations set before we go, everyone is capable of having a nice time - and a much better coffee than I can make for myself at home!

This post has been edited by flipflop: 25/03/2009, 12:06 PM

[mmm...chocolate]

I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..

[Bloomer]

Can not stand people who let thier kids put sugar in their baby chino... My kids are happy without and are very happy to draw in a book or when they were little play with the toys I took.

when i was single I could handle kids in restaurants provided it was early in the evening..

the way to get around the 3 second rule is "be prepared", that includes getting everything to go if it gets too much and find a cafe with a kids play room.. don' go too late.

This post has been edited by cathy40s: 24/09/2009, 09:55 PM

[shell68]

I expect my children to be well behaved in a cafe. They need to remain seated at the table. I hate it when other people let their kids run around.

[katie.baby]

I don't think teaching your children to be considerate of others is wrong. Life isn't all about them so the sooner they learn to be polite and considerate to others, especially strangers, the better. I hate parents (not the kids) who let their little ones run around restaurants and cafes tripping patrons and making a nuisance of themselves. If they want to play then get off your backside and take them to the park.

Ooh I agree! I'm all for our kids having their own personality and having a life full of fun, but letting them do what they like does not fall into that category. I can't stand overhearing or seeing a parent in a cafe just watching or passively shouting meaningless commands at a child who is running around and dominating the atmosphere of the place.
If your kid is naturally like this or you haven't mastered a healthy level of control yet, limit your time at the cafe or grab a takeaway and head to the park!
I really hope this doesn't come off as intolerant, I love having kids around at cafes, just as long as they dont come and kick my chair or continually take the sugar of my table (yes this has happened to me before)..

[katie.baby]

I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..

You're my new idol for taking kids to cafes.... good job! Can only strive to help my child behave like this as they get older. Thanks for the advice!

[LisaMaree82]

I am just curious as to why parents can't teach their children not to run around like crazy and tear into sugar packets etc. Anyone can get their kids used to behaving in cafes etc. Some kids will take to it and sit nicely, some need some entertainment and wont last there long, BUT still, kids don't naturally rip up sugar packets and climb under tables. Provided you're not unrealistic and take note that if they are over tired or bored while there they can't be expected to just sit still. Though I know that for many parents it might be too late and everyone has different parenting styles. I have an etcha-sketch that only appears when I need to distract him which comes in handy. Involve them in the whole 'culture' of ordering, finding a seat, talking about the food or drink, how it tastes etc. Talk to the cafe people if they are not too busy, complimenting them on the coffee etc, showing a good example of manners. I am anything but upper-class like in the article but when my son was a baby I was living in Hahndorf SA, which is full of little coffee shops. We went out from 3 times a week to every day (The chai latte being my reward for not being able to have coffee while breastfeeding, and I got a break). Sometimes I would ask for it in a takeaway cup incase I had to leave in a hurry. He is now 3.5 yrs and we don't go to cafes as often but when we do he likes to order for me, help find a seat, pick out his own straw, then sit and eat or drink while I enjoy my coffee. He asks the baristas name and says thankyou and goodbye (using their name). I would spend 20 mins-1 hr there. Some parents just ignore their kids and expect them to behave and thats just unrealistic.

Anyway it can be done. Some kids are just too hyped up on chemicals and sugar and so I imagine it would be a stuggle to keep them under control..

Oh my sides Clearly you have one child.

My children eat a fairly strict organic whole foods diet. We go to church most weeks. They still cannot sit through 20 mins of church (before Sunday School starts). We take colouring in, food, drinks etc etc. There is no way I would pack the boredom bag just to have a coffee. The relaxation I would get from the coffee would be completely undone by the planning I would have to do to get there. Not to mention both of my older children would no doubt need to go to the toilet at some point, which would involve taking all 3 of them to the loo, realising I have left my purse on the table, telling them not to move, racing back out to get it - well you get the idea.

There is absolutely no way I could sit anywhere for an hour while my children just sat there.

My children are disciplined and well behaved most of the time, they are just busy kids. I do not expect them to sit at a table for an hour while I have a coffee, totally unrealistic expectation.

Lisa

[fallen~from~grac...]

What I don't understand is why you would take your child/children to a cafe so you could then ignore them and have a coffee and read a paper/book in peace.

I take two of my boys ( 3 yrs & 15mths) to our local coffee shop every week for a juice and raisin toast. It's our little treat for the week whilst the big kids are at school. Now, I have to admit, my local cafe is brilliant, they have a blackboard and a toy box there with a couch and floor cushions for kids but my boys hardly ever play . Every week is a new learning experience for them. It's a good opportunity for us to sit down ( and they do) and to "chat" about the world outside and inside the cafe. We get to meet the people who live in our town and make new friends. We practise our counting skills ( we count sugar packets) we see how many shapes we can spot, what colours we can see, how many people walk past the shop window etc etc

It's a lovely time for me to connect with my little boys and It's a time I enjoy

That being said, of course there are days they are ratty and those days we take our drinks to go LOL

Ali

[katie.baby]

What I don't understand is why you would take your child/children to a cafe so you could then ignore them and have a coffee and read a paper/book in peace.

I take two of my boys ( 3 yrs & 15mths) to our local coffee shop every week for a juice and raisin toast. It's our little treat for the week whilst the big kids are at school. Now, I have to admit, my local cafe is brilliant, they have a blackboard and a toy box there with a couch and floor cushions for kids but my boys hardly ever play . Every week is a new learning experience for them. It's a good opportunity for us to sit down ( and they do) and to "chat" about the world outside and inside the cafe. We get to meet the people who live in our town and make new friends. We practise our counting skills ( we count sugar packets) we see how many shapes we can spot, what colours we can see, how many people walk past the shop window etc etc

It's a lovely time for me to connect with my little boys and It's a time I enjoy

That being said, of course there are days they are ratty and those days we take our drinks to go LOL

Ali

It sounds like you've found the happy medium between having well behaved under control kids, and having a nice quality time with them while enjoying your coffee at your favourite local. Good job, Ali!

[Anemonefish]

We take our kids out with us to cafes and restaurants at least once or twice a week. DD is 6 so she's pretty good at entertaining herself with some colouring or drawing while we wait for our coffee/meal and she's happy to just sit and chat with me & DH. DS is 16 months and is a different kettle of fish. We usually take a bag of toys to entertain him but after about 10 mins or so, he starts wanting to wander off, and we have to take turns to catch him. He's still at that cute age where most people are quite happy for him to go up to their table and say Hello - but we watch and quickly get him away if he's disturbing someone, or take the table number off him if he's banging the table with it, etc. So, it's not always that relaxing having dinner or coffee out, and we've been doing less of it since DS started walking... but we feel it's important to keep doing it so that he learns how to behave appropriately.

I agree that it's unfair to expect a kid to just sit still not doing anything while mum/dad reads the newspaper or a book. I've never seen it though (I live in a regional city, perhaps it's a big city thing). I do wish though that sometimes I could read the newspaper, at home while the kids play, for even 5 minutes without being interrupted!

This post has been edited by Anemonefish: 13/05/2010, 04:37 PM