[Gangnam Style]

Why are there so many spammer links still in this thread?

[twotoddlers]

I once thought that I could have it all, but with two fast growing toddlers in tow, I am beginning to doubt my capacities.

Thank you so much for the insights, it was very heart warming to read and feels good to know that many working mums feel the same!

[twotoddlers]

BRING IT ON!!!

you said it! as a mother of 2 i feel the same way.. it'll be hectic, there will be times when i want to pull my hair out, i'll have puke on my shirt on some days and my hair will be a mess.. but the rewards are too much not to work hard for.. like they said.. anything worth having is worth fighting for..

[Serafima]

Hello everybody!

It depends what each woman understands as "feminism"! Every individual has its own views about this matter and different purposes. Essentially, "feminism” could be the freedom to do what you feel as woman, to break the limits imposed to a woman by the collective mentalities and more other things.

[surabhi]

JEA wow your story is so very similar to my own. I also have a 15 month old daughter and I went back to full time when she was 8 months old - I had no choice. With travelling to work, it is 11.5 hours each day and she goes to Family Day Care, which she loves. My DH works longer hours than I do and although we go to work together, he doesn't get home until at least 1-2 hours after us. With everything I need to fit into a day, I don't have time to worry about myself and also haven't lost the weight I put on during my pregnancy because I eat the wrong food at the wrong times - I don't eat enough of the good stuff.

My job sometimes requires me to get in early in the morning, but this is hard as I need to drive my DD to childcare and she already starts at 7am, so getting there earlier isn't really an option. Between DH and myself we usually work it out, but it is a lot of chopping and changing with cars and picking the other one up at the end of the day, etc. in between doing all the other things that need doing. Staying back late is hard too because I need to be get home and pick her up as DH's job is more demanding than mine. My work know this though and are very supportive, which is great.

Then, when it comes to the weekend and I need to clean the house which is difficult because my DD requires lots of attention and my DH loves to catch up on sleep during the weekend. Sometimes I wish I could do the same, but I can't, there are things that need to be done.

I often wonder if I just stopped doing the: washing, ironing, vacuuming, mopping, dusting, bathrooms, feeding dogs, taking out trash, cleaning kitchen, stacking dishwasher, picking up after DD and DH, packing DD's bag each night, bathing and feeding DD, paying the bills and organising the family, what would happen. Would it all fall to pieces or would it just fall into place? I will probably never find out because I can't just sit there and think 'I'll just do it later'.

I do end up feeling guilty because I sometimes get annoyed that I can't do all the things I want to do around the house on a weekend and then I realise that my daughter is more important than housework. I get annoyed with myself for feeling that way.

BTW, we will also be TTC #2 towards the end of the year. I am hoping between now and then we can sort out our finances and I can stay off work much longer than I did with #1. I would love to be home with them until they reach schooling age, but I don't think that will be possible, the cost of living is just too expensive.

I do believe we try to cram too much into each day. I don't know about the expectations of other people - about what they expect of me, but I do know that my expectations of myself are quite high. If I don't achieve what I have set out to do each week then I am annoyed at myself. Whether this is because I feel pressured into what society expects of me I may never know. I just do what I have to do.

JAE and to other mums who are in the same boat, you're all doing a great job and I'm sure we are all appreciated in some way or another.

[Guest_catmeo_*]

I wouldn't want to "Have it all" I would rather be spread less thinly and be able to make good use of what I do have.

[unremarkable]

Some women can and do manage to have it all.

No. They don't.

It depends on your definition of "all". For some people, simply being a parent and a loving partner in a close family is "all" they want. But even these things are multi-layered and complex and can be very difficult. Others want family, kids, a spotless house, sleep-ins on the weekends, a fulfilling career, active social life, sport and rec time, contribution to their communities etc. etc... Do some get it? Maybe.

Life is all about choices. No matter what you do (or have) you are foregoing something else. So it's not really about "having it all", but having "all you want". If you've got everything you want and you're happy then congratulations. (For your sake, I hope it lasts.) But I don't think it's fair to be dismissive of people who don't; those who've struggled; people who've tried and failed; or those who've got everything they thought they wanted and now find themselves stressed, guilty or unhappy.

I think there is pressure on everyone these days (not just women, and not just mothers) to be SUPER. I don't think this is healthy, and I certainly don't think that choosing a less busy, less stressful, less *cluttered* life is about settling for less, or being unwilling or unable to have more.

(And for the record, I'm another of those "odd" long time lurkers, first time posters. BOO!)

[B&Msmum]

I remember reading somewhere you can have it all - just not all at the same time.

I am in a quandry of my own at the moment- do I continue in a 4 day a week Manager role that I had aspired to, and worked hard to get - or return to a 3 day a week role (if I can) which I enjoyed, and had less stress on me, and in turn on my loving husband and kids....

With two kids at school, I had thought life would be easier, and 4 days an option - but homework, news, projects, sport, swimming lessons, playdates and the rest - there is not a lot of time left. A busy job that doesnt finish when you leave, being a parent, running the house, trying to spend time with my husband and some time for myself, not to mention being a good friend, sister and daughter doesnt seem to be adding up.

I am speaking to our Employee Assistance Program as well.

Wondering if others have been through the same thing.. there is no harm in saying 'this is too much for me' but would love to know how others have handled this situation.

Thanks for reading (another long time member and lurker)

B&Ms Mum

[Doomps]

I think we must all feel this way. I have always been about education and equal opportunity for women. I have worked hard all my life, worked in jobs where guys got promoted because they were guy, and finially got sick of it and started my own business http://www.swim-in.com.au and I have 4 beautiful children - the last one is just 3 months.

I have always felt the pull, to create something for myself, but as you discover this does come at a price - time spent with family, tiredness. I think women do have it alot harder - it is said that women are now having children, working fulltime and taking care of the house. It becomes a balancing act and some women feel discontented because they end up not spending enough time with their kids.

I think if you feel this way you should try to do something about it, because they are only little for a short period of time, that wonder and excitment that they have dissipates into adulthood and you have missed it.

[LittleSister]

I don't have children but have come to see that you simply cannot have it all... I see it around me, mothers trying to juggle a million duties at once. Work. Parenting. Cleaning. Physical appearance. Social life. Relationship and sex.
The media has placed so much undue pressure on mums.
You could say that this is a bi-product of feminism but no-one ever said we had to work, only that we should have the choice to if we wanted to.
Another factor is the economic instability we live in, where the top 1% take from the rest of us, people have had to work more and more just to make ends meet. I'm not even confident that leading even the most "basic" life you could survive on just one income. By basic I mean not buying the latest tech gadgets, buying a cheap house out in the sticks??? God I dont even know.
I feel for you mothers out there who have to work as well as be a full-time parent... I know I would find it very challenging.