[jessiesgirl]

My DD is in FYOS and is at a single sex private school. She has an ASD and we thought the school we chose would be a better environment for her than the local primary school where I originally intended to send both children. DS will be FYOS in two years and I don't particularly want to send him private (he so far seems neurotypical) and would prefer the local primary school, which is fine btw.

I was always thinking private schools for secondary if that looked like it would suit them, so there is a possibility DS will end up at private secondary in the long run.

WDYT think about sending DS to the local school - am I setting myself up for a lifetime of resentment from him, or will people wonder why we are doing it that way? I am sensitive on the last point as we are not free and open with DD's diagnosis. Thanks for any thoughts.

[GoneWithTheWhing...]

I think you need to do whatever is best for each child's needs and if that means they are in different schools then that is what you should do to maximise each child's potential.

And if anyone questions you, you simply tell them that you have chosen schools based on the best learning environment for each child. If they have an issue with it, it is just that THEIR issue.

Obviously you can explain to your son that DD's school is better set up for her ASD and his school is better for him as I presume long term he will be aware of her diagnosis.

[Fluster]

My sister whinged something fierce to my father about having to go to a public school, so he offered to send her to a great private school. I only found out about this years later, after both of us managed to survive the wretched public school experience I wasn't even slightly resentful my father made the offer to her and not I.

[madmother]

I was never adverse to sending my boys to different schools if necessary. They are only 1 grade apart in schooling so it would have been obvious.

They are both at the small private school, DS2 actually won a part scholarship - but we still gave him the option to go to the public school if he wished.

In other words - do what is best for the individual child.

[jessiesgirl]

Obviously you can explain to your son that DD's school is better set up for her ASD and his school is better for him as I presume long term he will be aware of her diagnosis.

Yes he will be of course and it shouldn't make a difference to him, you're right. I guess I am worried more about what other people might think.

ETA, madmother I think if I had another girl I would feel I had to choose the same school.

This post has been edited by jessiesgirl: 28/02/2013, 03:43 PM

[Chief Pancake Ma...]

In primary school I don't think your DS would care. Assuming he knows about DD , tell him she needs to go to that school becuase she needs help with x. As for other people they will prbably wonder, but they can mind thier own business.

[amaza]

I have DS1 in a private school and DS2 in the local primary school. So far DS2 can't get into the private school and is on a priority waiting list but has been on that for years.

I have already made up my mind that if DS2 isn't offered a place at the private school ready for next year (2nd year of school) he will stay at the public school and I will place his name on private high school waiting list.

The children are only 18 months apart and don't seem to mind that they go to different schools. Neither of them has mentioned it. Other people mention it whenever they find out but only because it's fairly unusual I think. I only ever mind the different schools when I have to do the double drop off in the mornings so get 2 lots of school traffic but I am sure that in time there will be also be a clash of events and that may be a bit frustrating too.

Unfortunately in our situation I believe that DS2 would benefit more from the private school and DS1 would probably do well anywhere he was put. For my own personal reasons I never wanted a child of mine in a public school for primary and then private for high school but the public high schools in our area do not have the greatest reputations so DS2 may end up doing exactly what I didn't want anyway. I love DS1s school so he will never be taken out of it as long as I have a say.

At the end of the day your children are yours and you make the best decisions for them. If you think they suit different schools then do it.

[gizboo]

I would rather all my children go to the same school, esp if I was happy with where my eldest child was going, admit mostly out of convenience
If there ever came a point where it was obvious one of my children wasn't thriving in the school choice we'd made, I'd explore other options for that child then.

[countrymel]

I went private, my sister went public - in our case as my parents had both to compare they eventually yanked me out of my school and I finished off high school public as well.

My sister was not at all resentful. In fact she was relieved she didn't have to go through what I did!

DP went private (and very expensive) his brother and two step brothers went public - I think there might be some resentment there but that would be how DP is generally treated as the 'golden child' to their detriment rather than just the school thing.

A very close friend is from a family of three the two eldest went to one of the roughest public schools in the state, the youngest to one of the poshest all girl private (as a boarder).

They know why - they don't care - the fact that they are both more financially successful than she might help too!

If you are a petty person who searches for reasons to be resentful you will find them wherever you look.. if you are not you won't.

[Lillifee]

Can I ask, what is an ASD?