[frizzle]

I am curious. For those members who now have adult kids and gave birth in the 80's or 90's (even 70's if there's anyone here, the more the merrier) who was in the room with you? And how long were you given to clean up etc before the onslaught of visitors?

I was born in 1974 and I know my father went to work while Mum was in labour and went back to the hospital after I arrived. By the time my eldest sister birthed in the late 1980's everyone and his dog popped in to see her in the delivery suite. It's still a sore point with her and we were discussing it the other day. I never knew that she was the last to hold her own baby as my mother and her MIL muscled in while she was in recovery after an emergency c-sec and held her baby before she did.

I was at the hospital last week as I am due any day now and witnessed a family trying to get into the delivery suite and adament their daughter had invited them into the delivery room. The midwife told me it happens often and that that particular mum had in no way invited them in as I was discussing how it was my worst nightmare, turns out it was the other woman's too.

So what has changed? Why the expectation from some grandparents to attend the birth invited or not or get straight into the suite as soon as the baby is out when it wasn't the done thing a generation or two ago? I don't understand it.

*disclaimer* I know it's not all grandparents

[Pooks*potters]

It's strange, isn't it? Personally, I chose to be very open with my family about the fact that we would invite them to come, otherwise they were not welcome yet. After the birth, we invited them to come for a minute to meet him, then they could come for a proper visit the next day, which they did- My family and DP's came into the delivery suite, but I did not let go of DS. They came and kissed me, and kissed DS on the forehead, and that was it. At a birth where I was support person, their family sat outside the delivery area with insistence of the staff as they did not accept the mother's no, and more than once they came barging in to say hi. It was off, really off.

Eta. Mum had me in the 80s and her mum sat in the waiting room and was taken in to see me as she was still being stitched up, and it was uncomfortable for everyone.

This post has been edited by Pooks_fembo: 27/02/2013, 05:10 PM

[thestylemanual]

This is exactly why we told no one I was in labour.

[countrymel]

I was born in 71' - at dinner time in a small country hospital.

As Mum was a 'mature' second time mother the midwife asked her if she would be ok on her own for a minute while they rushed off to try and organise the evening meal rush.

They forgot about her.

About half an hour later someone remembered and came rushing back in full of apologies. At that point they rang my Dad!

Mum would recount the tale as one of pure joy. She had a whole 1/2 hour of just she and sticky little me, was able to get me on the breast and have a blissful one on one bonding time.

The normal practice at that time was to whisk the babies away, was off all their protective vernix, swaddle then tightly and leave the mother to rest. Returning them at the 'set feeding time'.

As a result she waited to be called when my nephew's were born.

[ThreeLittleLambs]

I just asked my mother (who had me in the late eighties) and she said only one person was allowed .

Even after she had me the midwife didn't let others in the labour suite and apparently wasn't happy to have the baby (me lol) passed around to family members in the maternity ward.

Not that it's relevant but Mum said she was a bisch :-/

[frizzle]

This is exactly why we told no one I was in labour.

Oh for sure. My mum has a shocking track record for doing this. I didn't tell them with my first, I had monitoring a few days ago and had told her I would call her when I was out but no, my phone kept going off she just doesn't listen.

[Paddlepop]

My mum gave birth 3 times in the 1970s: my 2 elder brothers and myself. She only had medical staff present for the birth. I'm pretty sure that she has said that Dad went to work each time, and certainly didn't wait around at the hospital. For my birth, he didn't know until nighttime that I had been born that morning. There is no way that Mum would have allowed anyone in until she was showered and dressed. She is a complete prude and hates having any attention on her. Actually she has said that she couldn't imagine anything worse than having Dad there while she was in labour. It just wasn't the done thing for her generation.

Babies didn't room in, they were all sent to the nursery unless it was time to feed.

I only had my DH and medical staff with me when I had DD 3 years ago. Mum and Dad live 5 hours away, so there was no point them driving all that way to just be hanging around waiting for me to give birth, recover and get out of hospital. Plus Dad is self-employed so if he isn't working he isn't making money. At my request no family at all visited me in hospital and waited until I had been home for about 2 days. They were all happy with that, and still saw DD when she was less than a week old.

[L&E]

My mum was my support person at my first birth in 2001 as I was a single mother. I remember her telling me she was so jealous of my birth centre birth, as with all of hers (1975-1980) began with a shave and enema, and she was made to lay on the bed for the entire labour & delivery. My dad was invited to support at my birth (the last, and the only one this was offered at). Unfortunately by the time he had returned to the hospital after dropping my older siblings off at a relatives house I had already been born, so mum did it alone again.

[soontobegran]

I had my babies in the 80's and it was rare to have anyone other than the partner in the delivery suite but very normal to have entire families waiting in the waiting room to come in as soon as the couple invited them in. Often this was immediately and often it was after a bit of a clean up.
When I started midwifery in the late 70's the partner was often camped in the waiting room too.

To invite all and sundry into the delivery suite is a fairly recent occurance over the last decade but most delivery suites still have some rules and regulations on the number of people in the room during labour and delivery but will accommodate the wishes of the couple after the birth with regards to allowing visitors in.

There is no right or wrong. There are some who believe the time is intensely private, there are others wanting to share with their loved ones immediately......whatever works for you.

[YellowKittyGlenn]

I was born in 85 during a nurses strike so the only person other then my parents was the OB literally no nurse, my nanna was at home with my sisters.

My mum tells me often inwas born through a nurses strike and didn't see a single nurse until I was 2 days old.