[nationalvelvet]

**Sexual abuse mentioned**

When my mum was a young girl she was sexually abused by her BIL. She had an older sister and would sometimes stay with her in the school holidays.

Later, it was revealed he abused his own children(my cousins) and only one is surviving (alive).
Sadly some of my cousins took their lives and one died from Alcohol abuse.
It is all very sad.

I have one still alive and she has since become a Reverend in the Church.

Years ago she contacted mum and told her that she was going to claim for compensation from the past abuse.
She needed evidence from someone else who had been abused.
Mum didn't want any money and so wrote a short note of what happened to her. Apparently my cousin did receive a sum of money - I have no idea how much it was.

Today my mum still feels the pain of the abuse although she says she has put it behind her.

We were talking about it tonight(mum raised the subject) and I asked mum why didn't she put in a claim.
She said she just wanted to forget it all.

But I look at my mum's life and it is very much "hell" at times. Her health is not good and she recently came out of hospital.
I feel as though she could do with the money - it would greatly help her in her poor health and older age.

I spoke to her about it but she said she didn't want to open the past up again. Yet, she still talks about it
Is it too late for her to claim?

I was thinking today of how I could help her more financially now that her health has gotten worse.
Could this be the answer?

I told her that the long-term stress of being abused probably contributed to her poor health and that she would be entitled to the money.

Does anyone know? I still have to respect her wishes though about not opening wounds but I know that this money would benefit her and she deserves it.

Any thoughts?

Would it mean me having to contact my cousin again?

[fairyflossfart]

Maybe your mums thought is that money will not heal what happened to her. You need to respect her wishes and do things the way she wants, as this sort of thing is painfull enough without others trying to tell you what would or wouldn't be good for you. Or what you do or don't deserve.

I know you love your mum and hate seeing her hurting, but seriously just leave it and take any cues from her. She would just need your love and understanding more than any money.

[nationalvelvet]

Maybe your mums thought is that money will not heal what happened to her

That's so true. Thank-you for reminding me.

I guess, it just hurts me seeing her still in some considerable pain and suffering. I know NO money can take away the pain and the hurt but it could certainly help with her quality of life.
But I know, at the end of the day, I need to respect her wishes.

[sarahs_three]

I know for victims of crime to pay compensation there is certain time frame in which you can clame. I think it's 12 months if memory serves me correct. I suspect that near the 12 months you need to apply to extend it.
They can pay out many years later its just very very hard.
A family member went through simular and was awarded 10,000 and a holiday.

[Freddie'sMum]

Hi OP

Firstly I am so SO sorry that your Mum was abused. I truly am.

In your post you said that you have asked her twice if she wants to pursue any compensation.

Twice she has said "no" - that it will drag up the past for her.

I can read that you are wanting to do the right thing for your Mum, but I think you really need to respect her decision. IF and when she ever wants to try and obtain some compensation, then absolutely go for it - talk to the cousin - see what you can do - seek legal advice - the works - but until that time and your Mum has agreed to seek compensation, then you can offer emotional support.

Again, I am so truly sorry that this happened to your Mum.

[Mousky]

My sister claimed and got compensation even though the statute of limitations had passed. She used (and still does) the money to pay for her psychology sessions.

The actual money wont take the pain away but the money pays for something that does.

[fairyflossfart]

That's so true. Thank-you for reminding me.

I guess, it just hurts me seeing her still in some considerable pain and suffering. I know NO money can take away the pain and the hurt but it could certainly help with her quality of life.
But I know, at the end of the day, I need to respect her wishes.

She is lucky to have a daughter that does care about her.

[emnut]

It is a very personal decision and one that is very hard. I have a current claim that I'm waiting on a result from atm. For your mum, it will mean having to make a police report (if not already done) and it is very traumatic process that not everyone can cope with going through as at least when I did mine I was prompted by the police to go into a lot of detail about it. Like a pp any compensation I get will be getting put towards my psychiatric care.

Usually for childhood sexual abuse the usual time frames don't apply, however at least according to my solicitor I had to make a statement as to why it was now that I have made the claim and not within a certain timeframe of being aware of the abuse.

You need to respect your mum's choice and not push the issue or keep mentioning it - she is aware it is an option if she wants but it is by no means an easy option.

[~nikki~]

I was raped. In a hospital. By a patient.

I was awarded $19,000 when I was 20 years old it was a long drawn out process. Legal
Aid also took a cut from this but I can't remember how much maybe 3-5,000.

I was 17 when it happened.

It set me up in my home that I am still in today.

This was through criminals compensation which I assume Is what your talking about ?

It did jack to help me mentally. The only satisfaction I got from it was hoping that he would be fitting that bill as I believe they would have chased him for the money.

She has to be prepared to be questioned and to talk about the abuse allot. I found this really traumatic.

If I were you I'd let it go but let her know your there to help if she changes her mind.

This post has been edited by ~nikki~: 02/03/2013, 01:00 AM

[trishalishous]

Hi OP

Firstly I am so SO sorry that your Mum was abused. I truly am.

In your post you said that you have asked her twice if she wants to pursue any compensation.

Twice she has said "no" - that it will drag up the past for her.

I can read that you are wanting to do the right thing for your Mum, but I think you really need to respect her decision. IF and when she ever wants to try and obtain some compensation, then absolutely go for it - talk to the cousin - see what you can do - seek legal advice - the works - but until that time and your Mum has agreed to seek compensation, then you can offer emotional support.

Again, I am so truly sorry that this happened to your Mum.

I agree.