[Pearlberry]

I'm at my wits end. After a good 8 months of my two DDs taking over three hours to go to sleep, requiring me in the room (in addition to at least an hour of bedtime routines before that) I need it to stop.

I'm doing a sort of super nanny type bedtime, and seriously as I walk out the door, they are two steps behind. I'm very good at the no emotion when putting them back, but really. Uuuggghhh. Admittedly, the last few days of trying it they have been asleep earlier, but it is hard. It takes them screaming for them to finally stay put. Often it is after they trip over and hurt themselves when trying to run after me.

I feel terrible :-( it's been a week so far

They are 2.5 and 4.5

Advice, experiences all welcome.

Update: 1/2 hour after bedtime and they seem quiet. I guess that is an improvement again..

This post has been edited by Pearlberry: 07/04/2013, 07:10 AM

[TopsyTurvy]

I saw an episode of super nanny where she got the mum to sit inside the bedroom with the door partially open back towards the kids and remained there ignoring all pleas until the children went to sleep. I think if they got out of bed she returned them to bed, but then sat in front and inside the door. I think this then transitioned to sitting outside the door etc.

[Isobell]

No advice or experience, but just wanted to say that sounds hard and it sounds like you're doing a great job, so keep it up! Hope your Friday night improves from here and perhaps you can enjoy a wine/chocolate/treat of your choice.

[Iliketophaff]

Good for you!

Couple of tips - don't speak to them. Don't even point to the bed/bedroom if you can avoid it, just redirect them back.

Decide on a reinforcer for yourself for getting the job done. I promised myself a Totem dress once both kids were out of nappies.

[sedawson]

Oh, what a nightmare. You are absolutely right to stick your foot down and power through this. 'Camping out' is the term used to describe that method where you just gradually, over a period of nights, move away from them - into the hall, into another room, whatever - but I think yours are way old enough for you to simply shut the door and leave them there. Definitely do the Supernanny routine, she's popular because she's brilliant.

Really all I can say is that changing human behaviours is hard and takes time so do NOT give up, no matter what kind of carry-on they give you. You're doing the right thing for them and definitely for yourself. Stick to it and they WILL give in. You can shut the door too, you know. It's not child abuse.

[laladidah]

I think what you are doing sounds great!

FWIW I'll add my experience with my 2 yr old.

She had a pretty rough patch a few months back (taking 2 hours to get to sleep, then waking through the night) and we did supernanny technique as well.

The first week I sat outside her room with my back to her (like pp said) and just returned her to bed if needed. Then for the next two weeks we did the return to bed technique. It was so hard! She was like your dds, running out of the room the minute I put her down, but we just persisted and eventually she got it.

For the night wakings however (which were much more extreme than bedtime!) we worked with our local sleep school and eventually decided to put a baby gate on her room. Not everyones cup of tea, but we would just go in every two minutes and calm her down, then leave the room. Would work with the two yr old, but probably not the four year old!

I also find dd likes to have a few books in her bed with her, and we dont mind if she reads them for 15 minutes or so before she falls asleep, not sure if that would help at all, but just something that worked for us!

I do know how it feels I was an absolute walking zombie, it was worse than having a newborn! But through a lot of EB and child health nurse suggestions we got there in the end.

Goodluck!

[Kay1]

I always suggest this but that's because its worked so well for me. We have a selection of stories on cd (the Giles Andreae books are our favourite because of the nice relaxing music, but you can get lots of different ones from the library etc).

After our bedtime routine is finished they get to put a cd on (take turns choosing) and then I'm out the door. My boys have never objected, they are so distracted by the story they are happy for me to leave and they are asleep before the end of it.

You could make the cd the reward for getting ready for bed nicely - so it has positive connotations. You may even need to stay and listen the first couple of times.

Another idea is a sticker chart. My 4 year old has been sooking about going to bed on his own lately (they share a room but his brother is allowed to stay up a bit later now). He would not let me leave last night until I said I'd give him a sticker if he was brave and went to bed by himself. He was thrilled and now kicks me out of the room "So I can get my sticker". I'm almost embarrassed at how easily bribed he is. . He will get a reward when he has 10 stickers.

[Pearlberry]

Thanks for the replies. I do like the idea of sitting near the door, but I don't think it would wwork . I did have it that I was ignoring them completely whilst in the room (yea for ebooks-the only thing that kept me sane), but recently they got worse, spending most of their time getting out of beds to give me cuddles and kisses, I've decided I need to go cold turkey and leave the room. It wasn't working whilst I was there.

Also, the last few nights the eldest has being a little ringleader of mischief. First she begs me to go, then high tails it to our room with little sister and basically plays in there. (she currently has a bed set up on the floor in there for night wakings - it is an improvement from being in our bed and on my pillow). She then wants me to go in there with her.. Ummmm no. Cue crying.

I think I definitely have to focus on getting them in their own bedroom too.
I wouldn't mind if they just went to sleep in there and I could just carry them back, but no chance of that.

What a mess!

[Pearlberry]

Oh, what a nightmare. You are absolutely right to stick your foot down and power through this. 'Camping out' is the term used to describe that method where you just gradually, over a period of nights, move away from them - into the hall, into another room, whatever - but I think yours are way old enough for you to simply shut the door and leave them there. Definitely do the Supernanny routine, she's popular because she's brilliant.

Really all I can say is that changing human behaviours is hard and takes time so do NOT give up, no matter what kind of carry-on they give you. You're doing the right thing for them and definitely for yourself. Stick to it and they WILL give in. You can shut the door too, you know. It's not child abuse.

Closing the door properly does help. I have been taking the foam stoppers off to do it. It seems to help get the message across that this is final, no negotiations. So does going through to the lounge as opposed to waiting outside door.

I do have gate on door (to keep dogs out). DD1 can open it. DD2 can't yet.

[Pearlberry]

I always suggest this but that's because its worked so well for me. We have a selection of stories on cd (the Giles Andreae books are our favourite because of the nice relaxing music, but you can get lots of different ones from the library etc).

After our bedtime routine is finished they get to put a cd on (take turns choosing) and then I'm out the door. My boys have never objected, they are so distracted by the story they are happy for me to leave and they are asleep before the end of it.

You could make the cd the reward for getting ready for bed nicely - so it has positive connotations. You may even need to stay and listen the first couple of times.

Another idea is a sticker chart. My 4 year old has been sooking about going to bed on his own lately (they share a room but his brother is allowed to stay up a bit later now). He would not let me leave last night until I said I'd give him a sticker if he was brave and went to bed by himself. He was thrilled and now kicks me out of the room "So I can get my sticker". I'm almost embarrassed at how easily bribed he is. . He will get a reward when he has 10 stickers.

DD1 was getting a sticker for staying in her bed all night about 4-6 months ago. It lasted for months. She did brilliantly. Now she asks about her stickers occasionally but won't stay in bed. She had a few nightmares. I let her back in and that was the end of that.