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Read articles and tips about birth and labour in our Birth section: www.essentialbaby.com.au/birth

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Are we being selfish?

KJ104 View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 12:25 PM Post #1
Posts: 18 Joined: 20-January 13
New Member
We live interstate from both lots of grandparents. Our first children were born in the same state as them, our next came 2 weeks early so although my parents were meant to be there they missed the day and came a week later, with the in-laws the week after that. Our final bub, no 4 is to arrive in May (I need caesars). My husband has planned to take 3 weeks off work, and we decided between us that we would prefer to manage the first weeks on our own, keeping life as normal as possible and enjoy being 'us'. My moter in law has just called all geared up to book flights for the days around the birth, and come back a few weeks later to help (I should mention here that 'help' although well intended = completely taking over to the point I am not allowed to read a story to the other kids, and neither my husband or I get along well with his Dad= me uncomfortable the whole time). Obviously as I can't drive and will have my hands full, the help is lovely, but we have moved house since bub 3, which now means guests are on the floor in the lounge (where I was planning to breastfeed overnight). I am really feeling frustrated they presume we want them here for the birth and agian later, and that they will be coming to help (we have NEVER asked for any of our children). It could be a little bit my emotions around a history of being told things and not asked, so I am seeking advice as to whether we are being selfish if we totally destroy their excitement by telling them we don't want them here for the birth?? Do we have a right to say that?? My parents totally get's it and Mum has never said anything other than "let me know when you work out where and when you want me... whenever that may be" but does she just say this coz she has listened to me b**ch about the in-laws? Advice?? Please!!

PurpleNess View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 12:32 PM Post #2
Posts: 5,062 Joined: 3-June 10
+
Ummm say no, better yet get DH to say no thanks, we appreciate the offer but would pref to just get on with it & love you to visit when bub is a bit older.

albo View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 12:32 PM Post #3
Posts: 172 Joined: 27-November 09
Member
I'm with you. Particularly given it is number 4, its not like you don't know what you are doing. I'd just be honest and say that you've got it down pat now, the house is very full, and it would be better for everyone if they planned their visit say X weeks after baby arrives (make it reasonable). Promise to skype them regularly in the meantime so they can see the new bub. Otherwise, if they wont agree, tell them they need to book separate accommodation. There's no reason to have them in your house. good luck! Always a sensitive topic, but life is too short to worry about what other people think (including family), just do what is right for you and your kids.

Dinosaurus View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 12:55 PM Post #4
Posts: 6,494 Joined: 22-January 08
Femisaurus
Yep, say no. It's the only way. They'll get over it!

abcd_efg View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 01:00 PM Post #5
Posts: 329 Joined: 25-September 09
Member
I think it would be selfish to say no they can't visit at all. But i would definately be stating that if they wanted to visit that they would need to find somewhere else to stay.

UpTheDuff78 View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 01:02 PM Post #6
Posts: 80 Joined: 2-October 12
New Member
You're not being selfish at all and have every right to say no to ANY visitors. Do what's best for you and your family and best of luck for the upcoming birth

~kuddlebug~ View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 01:16 PM Post #7
Posts: 759 Joined: 5-June 09
Regular Member
I don't have any family in the same state as me. When my son was born I said visitors were welcome but no houseguests please. My PIL came a few days after we got home and stayed in a hotel nearby. My parents couldn't get organised to stay somewhere so didn't come. My mum finally came several weeks later when I said I was happy for her to stay with us. This time around my PIL will be here to look after my DS. I'm sure my parents will have their noses out of joint as they won't be able to stay here... So no, I don't think you're selfish.

steppy View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 01:21 PM Post #8
Posts: 1,804 Joined: 22-July 03
Advanced Member
I agree with PP who said let them come but at the time of your choosing.

countrymel View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 01:43 PM Post #9
Posts: 14,213 Joined: 14-April 09
++
Doing something that is in the best interest of six people isn't wrong or bad. People who try and tell you different because THEY want to be there are the 'selfish' ones.

honeylulu View Member Profile	22/02/2013, 07:27 PM Post #10
Posts: 59 Joined: 14-July 11 From: inner west, sydney
New Member
It is your decision if and when you welcome visitors at this time. I do not think it is being selfish at all - it is your baby and your family and not a time to be worried about anything else. Let your relatives know when will be a good time to visit. I liked what a PP wrote: visitors welcome but no houseguests.

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