[5taci3]

Hi There,
I just wanted to share my story and get it off my chest.

I have 3 beautiful children DD8 DD5 & DS18months

Then
Excited I got BFP 17th January, after "not" ttc, all seemed to be going fine I got slight spotting (as did with ds) was not concerned, only on toilet paper and seemed to only after #2's. Had more then enough ms symtoms to follow so was not worried the slightest. On 6th Feb had a ultrasound showing our 'lil bub" at 6w 4d with beautiful heart rate of 120bpm and sounded beautiful too. The following night I experienced more bleeding little heavier but again nothing to what I experienced with DS and slight niggly pain last maybe 5 min, so again not concerned. I went back to gp for results and thought I'd mention the bleeding he sent me for another u/s and it showed there was no longer a heart beat or fetal growth. I still have not had a miscarrage hoping to be booked in for d&c Thursday otherwise I have to wait 3 weeks till Dr returns from holidays.

I am very emotional about it all I don't want to wait for it naturally as I have 3 children that need their mummy and have no idea of all this happening, I have never had a m/c and I feel its the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Then sometimes I feel as if I'm being greedy and ungreatful as I already have 3 children. I also keep asking my self why after 3 perfect healthy babies has it happened. I also feel I have let down my dp as it was our 1st baby. Does anyone else get any of these emotions? And what do you do to help your self to cope

[againagain]

Oh mate, this is not your fault at all. I do remember having the same thoughts for quite some time after I had a MMC (found at 12 weeks, passed away about 10.5 weeks). I thought I must have done, eaten, drank, SOMETHING to have made this happen.

You also have not let anybody down at all. Please don't think that. If you tell your partner that is how you feel and I am sure he will reassure you that it is NOT your fault.

Miscarriages happen to more people than we will ever know - I do know in my close circle of friends I have at least three of us have had missed miscarriages - and we all have different lifestyles and different thoughts, but none of us made it happen. They were all much wanted babies, just like yours.

It is really hard to wrap your head around what is happening I think. You need time to grieve - even if people think you don't. It wasn't just a tiny little foetus to you, it was a baby that you imagine being born, being a part of your life - and it is really hard to let that go. It's hard too, when you haven't told many people you were pregnant. You can feel very isolated. I was glad to have one friend who knew what was happening with me, that I could talk to for as long as I wanted and she just listened. I hope you have someone you can talk to as well.

Be kind to yourself, take your time to cry. The shower is a good place if you don't want your kids to see you upset too. If you have anyone that can take your kids for a bit and let you have a little space that might also be good.

I'm really sorry you are going through this.