[Btexpress]

Howdy
My wife is due with our first baby in 4 weeks. Awesome times! My wife has been absolutely amazing throughout the whole thing and it's all good. What I'm wanting is some advice on what I can do as a husband for my wife when she has the baby. I feel like I know what to do for the baby but I really, really want to do what I can to help/take pressure off and make a smooth transition for my wife.
Ive read stuff like do the washing, do some cooking and those kinda things. Cool and I get that but I would appreciate if the Mums out there could offer some suggestions to help me be the good, supportive husband as I know it's important for us as a family. Even little simple things, I would like to know.
Keep in mind that despite posting on this forum, I'm the very typical bloke that usually does bugger all around the house, dont really cook and act like every other useless man out there but I'm very keen to do anything and everything I can for my beautiful wife to help her along.
Thanks in advance, I appreciate the help!Julian

[Saecularis Angel...]

The most important thing for me in the early months was sleep. Sleep deprivation is appalling. Anything you can do to let your wife get some extra sleep will be worth its weight in gold.

[greenthumbs]

Sounds like you know what to do

Also, I found it nice to have it acknowledged that he thought I was doing a great job. I was breastfeeding, so still had to do the night wake ups, but my other half sometimes took over if bubs just wanted cuddles and settling so I could sleep. He also did the bathing for bubs so he had some alone time with our son. After most feeds when he was home he would take over and do the burping and nappy changes.

Admittedly he felt quite left out until our son was older, but is having a fantastic time now that bub is 18months so can play and run and scream etc

Also, he would take over if he could see my patience levels reaching their limit! This was/is great, makes me feel like we're more of a team in this parenthood thing.

Good luck! We loved the early days, it was such a loved up time in our house!

There is a dads section in this forum - right down the bottom I think in the forum list

[duckasorus]

sleep!
we had a deal where i would go to bed at 7pm and he would wake me up for a feed if i didnt express before hand. he would care for bub till midnight then i would take over.

we found we both got enough sleep to just function lol

[Lickety Split]

Agree about the sleep. My husband would take our newborn daughter for long drives (she would pretty much only sleep in the car) after a feed so I could get 30-60mins of sleep. It was wonderful and pretty much the only sleep I got in the first few weeks.

[~Supernova~]

The most important thing for me in the early months was sleep. Sleep deprivation is appalling. Anything you can do to let your wife get some extra sleep will be worth its weight in gold.

Yep, that. The housework can be forgotten for a while. Meals will mostly be super quick and easy for sometime. But sleep is the golden ticket. DH has always helped with sleep and settling, even with a very physically demanding job. God love him.

[cinnabubble]

Keep in mind that despite posting on this forum, I'm the very typical bloke that usually does bugger all around the house, dont really cook and act like every other useless man out there but I'm very keen to do anything and everything I can for my beautiful wife to help her along.

If you're serious about helping her, the above has to stop right now for the rest of your life. This is vital. You are responsible for another person. You can't go around pretending you can't do stuff so somebody else will do it because your wife will come to hate you for it.

Secondly, Your life has changed irreversibly. There is no "going back to normal". Normal is gone. You are living in the new normal. There is no point in imagining anything different.

Thirdly, looking after your own child isn't "babysitting". Ever.

Fourth, just because your wife is at home with the baby, you can't come and go at will. You may be her only contact with the outside world for the first couple of months. Don't roll in from the pub three hours late and reeking of beer. It will not go well for you if you do.

Finally, learn to manage the baby. You may not be able to feed it for a few months, but change the nappies, bathe the baby, mop up the vomit etc. Your wife isn't responsible for all of theses things by virtue of having gestated and given birth to the baby. She is not possessed of superpowers that mean she will always know what to do and you can't do anything. Muck in and be a parent. It's important.

[ZCE]

One of the best things my husband and I did was split the nights into shifts. From 6pm until midnight the baby was his (I was expressing so he would bottle feed her). If she cried, woke up etc she was his responsibility. This allowed me to catch up on the days chores, shove in some dinner, usually have that shower i hadn't gotten to and then get a few hours uninterrupted sleep before i was back on duty again. This allowed us to both get a good block of sleep.

We worked out that system after my husband found me one morning after 38 hours without any sleep hanging over the bassinet crying saying 'why won't you sleep'. He got straight up and sent me to bed. Called in sick and looked after her for the whole day. Be compassionate and empathetic when dealing with her. She'll be tired, emotional and not really her best self.

Tell her she's doing an awesome job even if the baby is screaming for hours straight. Because that's probably the moment she'll think she's failing and will need that encouragement.

[mollybot]

Get a Jamie Oliver cook book and START PRACTICING.

Also, hire a cleaner for the first three months or so, while you learn how to do it. When your wife surfaces for a few minutes here and there, she'll feel SO much better if she can have a shower and wash her hair, rather than having to do the washing up or laundry because "You're useless". You SO don't want her thinking this about you !!

Lastly - take your Paternity leave AFTER she comes out of the hospital. If she has a normal birth she'll be out in a couple of days, but if she has a Caesar you don't want to lose three or four days (or more !) of your paternity leave while she's in hospital.


Please tell me you're taking Paternity leave ?!

Ooh and my best advice for all new parents - get one of those A4 Vanessa Day Diaries. In hospital they get you to write down when you fed the baby, and for how long, which breast, when you changed them, when they slept etc.

Keep this up when you go home - that way you can easily track your baby's rhythms and routines and at the same time, when one of you takes over from the other, you can see at a glance that the baby was fed 30 minutes ago, but hasn't had a nappy change - so you can take over from one another and can immediately see where you're at in the routine.

This post has been edited by mollybot: 16/02/2013, 05:50 PM

[Madnesscraves]

I agree with the sharing 'night duties' my husband and I alternates on who got up for the baby if the other wa asleep. We even alternate sleep ins on the weekends.