[GenWhy]

DH, kids and I moved to a tiny town last year for DH's work. He was assured his company would likely have a position for me in the field I usually work in so we saw it as a great opportunity to make some good money and more family time. DH was FIFO prior to this.

Since arriving I have taken on some work just to pass the time. It's not meaningful to me and not well paid. I don't enjoy it at all. DH has been asking and asking about the promise of work for me and has basically been told they have had budget cuts and no positions are available anymore. I have joined a few groups and do volunteer work. I try to get involved at the school and go to gym classes etc. I enjoy the volunteer work but not the groups I've joined. I am really not enjoying living here at al. I have met a lot of other Mums but I haven't really clicked with any of them and I'm finding that I'm becoming quite down. The school here is quite appalling and there's virtually no childcare. DH also works very long hours.

The thing is, I have a well paid job lined up due to start January 2014. I've been doing a Uni degree in order to take up this position and it really is my dream job. I would have to move back to the city in order to work there. I have spoken to DH about it and he agrees I'm not happy here. I have to go down in June for a month to do exams and complete courses for the job I want to do. I'm considering just not coming back. Our house is only rented until the end of June so the kids and I could move back in. There's Childcare and good schooling etc.

My dilemma is that DH is contracted to stay for 2 years. If he doesn't we need to repay substantial moving costs. If I stay, I will miss out on the job. It took me 2 years to study and apply to be accepted and I doubt the organization would allow me to defer my start date. It would be a long process to reapply and it may not look good that I pulled out prior. DH likes his job here and also doesn't mind the town. He has said he could ask about going FIFO again or try to find another job that is city based or FIFO. The chances of it happening I really don't know about. We are bickering a lot because I'm unhappy here and especially that the work promised hasn't eventuated.

So would you leave your DH behind to pursue your own happiness/career goals? Or would you suck it up for the money and sake of keeping the family together? I'm quite torn about it and wanted to see if people think I'm being selfish.

[*Jackie*]

In a word, yes

[starsg]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I know quite a few families where couples have lived apart temporarily for work purposes. I think as long as there's an end date in sight for living apart it can work well and in some cases strengthen the relationship. It would be different if you were going to be apart indefinitely but if your husband is planning to move back and join you once his contract finishes I definitely think you wouldn't be being selfish by taking the job.

This post has been edited by starsg: 15/02/2013, 02:13 PM

[Saecularis Angel...]

I don't think you're being selfish.

I do think it depends. It's not clear to me how long you'd be living apart - and I would think the length of time would matter. It's also not clear how much opportunity there'd be for trips backwards and forwards.

It's doable, and survivable, but if it's for too long of course it's going to take a toll. I think you and your DH need to sit down and work out what you could do to nurture a long-distance marriage, and how long it could realistically work, and go from there.

[whathousework?]

[steppy]

I would do it - it's only a year and a half - some couples work apart for years.

[squeekums]

Do it, its a small chunk of time really and in the long run you"ll both be happier for it.

[SnazzySass]

I would try it out. you owe yourself that and your relationship may not survive if you don't.

[Gloriosa]

Wow tough decision. Most likely i would. It isn't fair for one half of a couple to give up their dreams and remain unhappy. He should see you aren't fulfilled and it isn't fair on him to expect you to remain like that.

[countrymel]

It isn't that long in the grand scheme of things - you have defined end dates.

I'd do it.