[Kay1]

Yesterday I had a conversation with another mother that got me thinking. She has two daughters and was talking about a book for girls her 6 year old was reading. It said something about boys being interesting and fun or something along those lines. The mother was freaking out at the prospect of the daughter becoming 'interested' in boys and so she told her daughter that no, boys are yucky and smelly and rough. She was laughing about this as she told us and the teacher was laughing and agreeing with her.

Now her younger daughter goes to preschool with my 4 year old. If she refuses to play with him because he's "yucky, smelly and rough" it would not be surprising. Then it got me thinking, imagine if I told my sons that girls are "silly, weak and scaredy cats" or something similar. Imagine me bragging about that to other mothers and to teachers? I just can't imagine it going down as a bit of a harmless joke.

And yet, since my oldest son started school two years ago I have faced this approach to boys constantly. It was a shock to him and to me as he had always played with girls as much as boys at preschool. At 'big school' however everything is divided along boys and girls lines. There is a frequently negative attitude from many parents and teachers about boys. Eg. "Oh poor Mrs X she has 12 boys in her class". Or "I always send a girl with a boy on errands around the school to keep an eye on the boy".

I cannot imagine that saying similarly negative things about girls would ever be tolerated.

So what message does this give our boys as they grow into men? I am a feminist, as is my husband and we are raising our three boys to see people as people. But when they are constantly surrounded by these messages I worry that they will become defensive about their role as boys and men and as a reaction seek to disparage or disdain women. I have already noticed some "girls are not as good as boys" comments since my eldest started school and I firmly believe its because of the 'boys vs girls' attitude he has encountered at school.

I am interested in others' thoughts on this.

[namie]

I see it everywhere too, and my boys haven't started school yet!

There are differences between boys and girls, that's clear to everyone, but for it to be so clearly talked about in the negative (a lot of the time in front of children) is extremely frustrating to me.

We should be celebrating the differences as it brings diversity to schools, playtimes and the workplace.

I find the attitude comes mostly from mother's without any male children at all, and I find myself wishing all mother's of girls could have just one boy to experience what it's like. As a general rule (comparing my boys to friends' daughters, so my comparison pool is small at the moment), boys are noisier, more boisterous and definitely more rough than their female counterparts. The girls are quieter, sit still for longer and are gentler as a rule. But it is a gross generalisation and I'm tired of it. There are plenty of girls out there who are rough and noisy and talk as much as my DS1, and I'm sure there are quiet, gentle boys out there somewhere too. The boys just get the raw end of the deal.

I'm pregnant with baby #3, and the number of people who tell me I will have a girl next, or 'get my princess', heavily outweighs the ones who think a 3rd boy would be lovely. In fact, there's only one person (also a mum of two boys) who thinks I should have a 3rd boy.
I'll excuse my MIL because she herself had 3 boys and would probably quite like some more females in her family, but as far as I'm concerned by BILs can produce them, lol!


I rather think that mother was overreacting quite stupidly - her daughter is 6! All she wants at the moment is friends to play with, she's not going to start being 'interested' in boys yet, lol!


Interestingly (and annoyingly) DS1 has started saying things like 'Girls don't like trucks, but I like trucks. Mum, do you like trucks or do you like butterflies?' I say I like both, he replies 'No, you're a girl, you like butterflies.'
I went to give him some butterfly kisses at bedtime last night and he told me I couldn't because he didn't like butterflies, I had to give him truck kisses

I'm assuming this is something he's picked up from daycare because it's certainly not something we'd discuss, and I don't recall talking about butterflies at home any time recently! We do have a lot of trucks and truck books in the house, and my brother drives roadtrain trucks which provides endless excitement for DS1, but we don't focus on that as a 'boy' thing.

This post has been edited by namie: 14/02/2013, 06:58 AM

[JustBeige]

I do think its the messages, but its also the truth if you generalise. Boys ARE different to girls - generally - and you do have to parent / teach / raise them differently and this is where it is easy to pigeonhole.
Sometimes I think that society is becoming more enlightened about the stereotypes and then I walk through my local shops or spend some time at school and I think... "yeah maybe not"

I do think though that the mother has had a knee jerk reaction and one that will come back to bite her on the bum one day.

[Funwith3]

Your friend is ridiculous. Heaven forbid that a little girl is friends with a little boy!!! DD3 is too young to have friends yet but my other two girls have some great little mates who are boys. At 7 and 5 years old it's not like they want to have sex with them!

[FluffyOscar]

What a lot of bullsh*t.

[axiomae]

That saddens me. I'm a teacher and wouldn't tolerate that. I try to instil compassion and acceptance in my students, and that doesn't sit well with me.

[Xiola]

Yes, it happens a lot (I have 2 boys and 1 girl). Everyone who notices that always says how lovely it is I finally got my little girl! It's annoying of course

I've also heard lots of comments about how boys are bad (a friend has 2 DD's. She was watching her sisters boys one day when one of them squirted our some moisturiser on the floor. She then proceeded to rant and rave about 'why are boys so incredibly bad all the time!...her own DD's are no angels so it was funny to hear her carry on about it!).

I think it's important for boys and girls to realise that they're different but differentiating it by telling girls that boys are smelly and noisy and rough isn't very nice.

[challice]

Yes, absolutely agree. I have both genders and I think the difference in how boys and girls are viewed and treated is very striking.
I also find it is mothers with all girls who have the most twisted view of boys (NB. not all mothers of all girl family's just some). These mothers seem to have a very disturbing dislike of all things boy.

[Bek+3]

I find the only people who make gender offensive comments regarding children are parents with same sex children of the opposite gender.

I'm not saying they all do this, I know I don't. I don't see my kids as a gender, just as my kids and I don't wish for any children other than the ones I have. I do find though that the people who mock with comments such as 'boys are smelly and yucky' or 'girls are moody and whingy' are parents who have all children of the opposite gender. I think it has a lot to do with making themselves feel better about not having what they really want.

These are just my observations.

[Jemstar]

Yes the genders are different. Unfortunately, I do think boys, particularly young boys, are exposed to far more negative messages about their sex than positive. I think the stereotypical image of boys is that they are rough, loud and difficult when they are young, where as the stereotypical message about girls is that they are sweet, quiet and well-behaved. We ALL know that this is a massive generalisation, but I think the messages and the values associated with them are communicated often enough to children that they can be damaging for both boys and girls, sometimes in ways you least expect.

And yes, I get very tired of the 'you poor thing' message I get so often as a mother of all boys... *sigh*.

This post has been edited by Jemstar: 14/02/2013, 07:51 AM