[Nico2409]

Not sure if this is in the right place...

My baby girl is 4 months old, and she is adorable. I love her dearly, but it was my husband who wanted kids - I was still on the fence for a long time. I did lots of research and preparation for the birth, hoping for natural drug free, but it wasn't to be - I was induced into a very long painful labour and needed gas and air, topped up epidurals, syntocin and ultimately a vacuum extraction.

My memory of the birth is already fading, and I imagine that's part of nature as well as a result of all the drugs I had. But I never felt like the birth was an amazing, incredible experience. To me it just felt like a very long and frustrating day...

So when I read all these celebrities talking about their amazing births and how it was life-changing, made them feel powerful, "I am woman, hear me roar etc", I feel a bit left out.

Eg. here's Penelope Cruz:
Penelope has previously spoken out about how motherhood has transformed her life.

She said: 'From the first second, you feel so much love.


'It is a revolutionary experience. That's the best way I can describe it. It transforms you completely, in a second.


'Nature is very wise and gives you nine months to prepare, but in that moment, when you see that face, you are transformed forever.'

I still don't feel transformed...
So did I miss out on this sort of experience because of all the drugs and interventions? Or is it because I was originally ambivalent about having a child? Or is it just, as my husband says, that celebrities talk everything up to make themselves sound so great???

[Mozzie1]

I don't know the answer, but I'll be following this closely. I also had a traumatic birth after preparing for a natural one, and I didn't feel elated when she was born. You are not alone!

This article is well worth a read, especially the comments:

http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/learni...ld-after-birth/

[Meplusmoo]

I definitely didn't have an instant transformation type of experience. after 28 hours I gave birth, looked at her and then asked the midwives if I could go to sleep now. I now look back and do think of that 28 hours as a special and amazing time and feeling. I also didn't have that rush of love everyone talks about. I have however fallen in love with her as time has passed. I felt like there must have been something wrong with me but now I know it's because i was exhausted. I didn't have any energy to think or feel.
I think a lot of people do feel like Penelope Cruz did. I think that's a natural and normal feeling. But I sure didn't.

[countrymel]

OP I haven't had a baby - but I starkly remember my darling friend telling me the day after her second child was born (no intervention, highly wanted) how she walked into the hospital and it all washed over her again - "Oh hang on - I hated this! I hated, hated, hated this... and now I'm doing it again!"

She made me promise to remind her about that if she ever talked about having a 3rd, she did NOT want to do it again..

Well, guess what she had a third! Announced it to me when it was already happening - I ummed and aaahhed about reminding her, eventually did, and was greeted with an incredulous "I NEVER would have said that!"

[Bluenomi]

I know very few woman who found birth transforming and wonderful. It really is something woman are expected to say but few actually say it honestly. Most will tell you it bloody hurt.

DD herself is wonderful and becoming a mother was transforming but the birth itself wasn't. It hurt, it went for far too long (even a quick birth would have been too long!) and I'd happily never do it again. I will because I want another child but if I could get one without the labour part I'd be happy with that.

[wanting3]

Ignore what all of the celebrities say about their birth experiences. Everyone has a different experience, just as every birth is different. They are suppossed to tell everyone how 'empowered' they were, 'how it changed my life' etc, etc, how would they sell papers/magazines if they said it was the worst experience of their life, and they wouldn't do it again for one of their oversized pay packets.
They also tell you they have never had plastic surgery, do you believe everything they say?
Instead talk to others around you, people you respect and admire, and get them to tell you their stories. I am sure they will be more like yours than you would think.

[chubba_bubba]

I'm with you OP. With my first I was waiting for this overwhelming feeling of love and accomplishment but it never came.

The best way to describe how I felt was the scene in Saving Private Ryan when the bomb went off and Tom Hank's character lost his hearing.

I do think it's a "glorified" view of the birthing experience not necessarily the realistic one

[Jax12]

I had an elective c-section due to health reasons which was really calm and pleasant but no omg transformative experience when DS was placed on my chest. I really struggled with the fact that I didn't bond with him immediately. My mother had told me that the love hit you so fiercely in such a primal way that it was overwhleming...yeah, nah, not for me. In fact I didn't get that overwhelming love for a few months. Don't get me wrong, I adored him to bits but I had to mentally grow into my new role over time. Lots of guilt there for me...I tell every one of my friends who doesn't have children about my experience. I hope they get hit by the love bus the moment their child enters the world but just in case they don't I want them to know they haven't failed immediately at motherhood, which is how I felt.

[Bassaf]

Don't worry op I was the same too( no la di dah , choir of angels birth here!;)
I thought I'd get some rush holding him for the first time but it all felt a bit clinical and then my son pooed on me! Haha

[Bron1206]

I think we are entitled to feel whatever emotion we need/do feel after having a child. Of course if you have a long drawn out labour you are bound to feel exhausted and an abundance of emotions towards your child, what those emotions are depend entirely on the individual. Not everyone looks at their child the moment they are born and fall inlove with them. My sister did not bond with her child at all and to this day she wonders if she did the right thing in having children, she loves them but sometimes thinks motherhood isn't for her.

I on the other hand had a wonderful pregnancy, very few complications aside from severe hip pain. My labour was fantastic, not entirely painful, not drawn out, spontaneous and as soon as DS entered my arms I was inlove. I did however find the few weeks that followed incredibly difficult and it had me questioning whether or not I was a good mother and was meant to be a mother. I had so much anxiety and DS was so unsettled from weeks 2-6 and extremely reliant on me (which I did expect from a newborn) that I questioned every choice I made and over analysed every aspect, it drove me insane. Now DS is 8 weeks old and I feel he and I know eachother so well, he is more settled and I feel more confident in myself.
No matter what kind of pregnancy/labour/newborn you have you are entitled to feel any emotion you need to! As long as you are not feeling like you are no longer yourself or see signs of PND.