[Guest_LeChatNinjah_*]

How do you do it?

DP and I have been together (off and on, lol) for 5 years now. We don't live together and never have, but that's more situation than lack of love.

We have hugely differing political views, and all views that are even vaguely attributed to politics.

I'm more left than Ghandi, he's more right than Hitler.

No, really, we did a test thing online, and that's what it said.

Can that ever, ever work?

I do love him so much. He loves me. But OMG, we couldn't clash more if we tried.

How do other couples in this boat cope? I'm so tired of the mental clash, but I do still love him.

[adl]

How boring if you agree on everything ? Opposites attract and all that.....

Of course it's fine to have different views , you are individuals the important thing is that you respect each others right to their view,engage in interesting and healthy debates and enjoy the spice it can add to your relationship !!!!

Do you agree on other core values in your relationship ?

[Orangedrops]

Personally I couldn't be with someone who was right wing. I think it shows a lack of fundamental values like, compassion, a belief in justice and equal rights, the importance of caring for the environment and community responsibility for things like poverty and crime that would mean I could not respect someone like that no matter how much they loved me. But then again I could never love someone who had those sorts of views. So no it couldn't work for me, I don't know about you though.

[~Supernova~]

I'd be bored stupid if my DH and I agreed on everything. We have some rather lively and passionate debates, and I love that. We DO lean the same way politically, but there are a few issues where we either flat out disagree, or I feel he is a bit too "meh" about a very serious issue. If we absolutely cannot even remotely agree on any of each others points we move on from that topic, or it ends in one of us upset lol.

BUT if you feel that he disagrees with you on core, moral beliefs then that is really up to you if you can live with it. I couldn't tolerate DH if he didn't believe in equality, or he was racist, those types of things. But I can live with him having different gun control ideas than me, or a different view of the justice system, it's all relative really.

[FiveAus]

I'd be bored stupid if my DH and I agreed on everything. We have some rather lively and passionate debates, and I love that. We DO lean the same way politically, but there are a few issues where we either flat out disagree, or I feel he is a bit too "meh" about a very serious issue. If we absolutely cannot even remotely agree on any of each others points we move on from that topic, or it ends in one of us upset lol.

BUT if you feel that he disagrees with you on core, moral beliefs then that is really up to you if you can live with it. I couldn't tolerate DH if he didn't believe in equality, or he was racist, those types of things. But I can live with him having different gun control ideas than me, or a different view of the justice system, it's all relative really.

Yes, this is us. There are some subjects I just flatly refuse to discuss anymore, because they invariably end with me being frustrated and angry (probably out of proportion to the subject matter), and on which we'll never agree, but most weekend see us having a lively discussion about something in the weekend paper on which we have opposing views. It makes the brain tick over, and is a good cure for boredom.

He is American, so he has slightly different gun control views than me, and that's been a topic of discussion recently......and very lively, I might add. I'm a bleeding heart when it comes to asylum seekers and refugees, he's not so much, we've had plenty of rousing discussions over that topic........fortunately, he's not racist, he's just a lot more conservative than me.

[~Supernova~]

He is American, so he has slightly different gun control views than me, and that's been a topic of discussion recently......and very lively, I might add. I'm a bleeding heart when it comes to asylum seekers and refugees, he's not so much, we've had plenty of rousing discussions over that topic........fortunately, he's not racist, he's just a lot more conservative than me.

You could be describing us, right down to him being American

[gabbigirl]

My husband and I have different political views. We simply reflect our upbringings..I'm left wing with a working class migrant upbringing and he's a Liberal supporter, Reflecting his country/ farm upbringing. We have many debates about politics....


BUt our VAlues are similar..he is kind, compassionate and one of the most respectful people I know, despite some right wing views he holds....

Personally I couldn't be with someone who was right wing. I think it shows a lack of fundamental values like, compassion, a belief in justice and equal rights, the importance of caring for the environment and community responsibility for things like poverty and crime that would mean I could not respect someone like that no matter how much they loved me. But then again I could never love someone who had those sorts of views. So no it couldn't work for me, I don't know about you though

.

Sorry but this is a little naive, compassion is not the domain of the left wing....my husband is a real softie, he just has different views on individual responsibility and justice.

[Orangedrops]

Lol I'm anything but naive, libertarian thinking is lacking in compassion at it's very core, it's essence is the abdication of community responsibility in favour of individual.

[HollyOllyOxenfre...]

I think it really depends on what the clashes are. DH and I are very similar in a lot of ways, but even on the things we agree on we often have differing levels of agreement IYKWIM. We're both atheist, but I'm very relaxed about religion in general whereas pretty much all organised religion drives DH batty and has him ranting and raving. We're both left leaning politically, but I would love to see welfare radically changed which leads to DH accusing me of being a capital L Liberal *shudder* There are other things, but for us it simply leads to robust debate, something we both enjoy.

I think if the differences were things that had an impact on where we want to go in life, or our ethics and morals, then it would be a problem. If those things clash I don't think it can work long term, but if it's differences of opinion I think it can. As PPs have mentioned, maybe some topics need to be off limits? There are things where DH and I have agreed to disagree, or at least leave things be for a while (religion being one of them). Some of these topics we'll be forced to confront as DS gets older, but with us the hypothetical arguments have always been more heated than discussions about things that impact us directly, and we're both happy to compromise if need be when it comes to these sort of things.

[ILBB]

I must admit I would struggle to be with someone who has very different views as myself politically as often those views (if well thought out and not just inherited from parents) reflect our core values and world views. I also think that the left and right dichotomy is also not as useful as it once was as there are Politicians and factions on both sides which could be almost interchangeable. Having said all that, if my partner could not show compassion and understanding about the plight of refugees for instance I would be seriously reconsidering their "partner" status.

Just as an aside - if my partner also was not an animal nut - it wouldnt work either. Our house is a zoo and a non animal nut would just not cope!!

ETA: despite our similar views - there is nothing boring about our conversations or debates at home!

This post has been edited by ILBB: 13/02/2013, 07:01 AM